Soul Kadee

In the international bestseller, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explains how researchers who study mind-reading using body language and facial expressions found that the old clichéd advice to smile when you’re feeling down really works.

Just moving those facial muscles into a happier position can actually perk you up mentally and emotionally, say the researchers, who are finally beginning to understand and accept the link between mind and body.

Other research has found that simply recalling one episode of anger depresses the immune system for up to seven hours €œ but one episode of feeling compassion or caring enhances the immune system for about the same amount of time.

A happy outlook towards life appears to trigger the release of endorphins. Endorphins relax the cardiovascular system and cytokines, which alert the immune system to pay attention in detecting abnormalities like cancer cells.

This information is not new. Many self-help gurus, including Anthony Robbins, have demonstrated the power of the mind-body connection, and how our physiology and emotions can profoundly affect each other.

Even though the physiological make up of emotions themselves have not yet been identified, some researchers suspect that a small portion of the brain called the insular cortex may be the key.

The insular cortex regulates the autonomic nervous system, which controls the automatic functions of our body such as breathing heartbeat and blood pressure. It also plays a role in higher brain functions and helps to process anger, fear, joy, happiness and sexual arousal.

When the insular cortex is stimulated for long periods of time, it can change heart rate and blood pressure and even cause a kind of damage to the heart muscle that is similar to sudden cardiac death. Its not surprising then, that sorrow, anger and other negative emotions can cause a malfunction of the insular cortex.

Whatever happens in those six inches between your ears, one thing is certain. Optimism, laughter, love and other positive emotions can counteract many harmful effects at any age, even in your sixties, seventies, and eighties, and beyond!

Research has shown that positive attributes as dependability, trust, agreeableness and open-mindedness are associated with a two to four year increase in life expectancy.

Let’s explore some tips for developing a better outlook on your world.

Listen carefully to yourself. If you have put yourself down since childhood, over a lifetime negative subliminal message can take their toll by turning you into a pessimist.

Spend one week writing down the phrases you use in your self talk. Chances are you will find that you repeat a dozen or so phrases over and over again that reinforce that negative image. If you know about them, you can change them.

If an issue is not resolved it will continue to plague you and you will relive the negative emotions tied to that issue over and over again. Write yourself a letter spending about 20 minutes a day for four days and write about what you feel. Forget grammar, punctuation and so on. No one else will see this but you and you can throw it away when finished.

Once you begin to write, don’t stop until the time is up. This exercise will help you organize your thoughts and get them out of your system. By the end of the four days most people feel much better about themselves.

Seek out new challenges and opportunities. Always have something that is a goal just over the horizon. When you begin to close the gap and reach that goal, set another and another. Keep yourself consistently moving ahead.

Try and do one new thing every week or month. Visit a museum, go to the zoo, go to a book signing or lecture. The goal here is to eliminate monotony, which is a sure killer of optimism.

Look for a new marvel of nature each day. Discover an abundance of happiness. Spoil your pet or if you don’t have one, visit the human society and adopt one.

Learn to laugh at yourself. Allow yourself to experience grief but don’t let it control you.

Find someone who is worse off than you and lend a hand. Volunteer at a hospital; visit a nursery or a shelter.

Have a healthy sex life. Sex at middle age can actually become better and more satisfying than ever before.

Don’t wait to plan for your retirement. Waiting until you are 60 will have very bad repercussions on the quality of life for your remaining years.

Here are a few quick tips for increasing joy, hope and optimism that will work no matter what your age:

Make a list of at least 50 great things that happen to you every day.

Laugh a lot. You’ll heal your body and your mind.

Discover a new challenge each month.

Try meditating for just five minutes each day.

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This is the age of the Quick Fix - the magic bullets that claim to take away our sorrows, our tiredness, our sadness.

You need look no farther than your mailbox to see the range of remedies - prescription drugs and supplements - being plugged for everything from stress to low energy.

In the age of modern-day stresses, of recessions and depressions, most people find it hard to resist the cure-all promises of “safe and natural” products.

From those that claim to calm a hyperactive child, to those that give you a much-needed energy boost, or revive a sagging love life, quick fixes are everywhere.

And the fact that the people selling them are raking in a fortune shows that there is indeed a great demand for these products.

There’s no doubt that supplements provide genuine relief to those who suffer from organic disease. And some may provide a ’safer’ alternative for those who cannot tolerate prescriptions.

But with more and more people reaching for a “safe” pill just to get through the day, taking supplements to cope with life is becoming the norm rather than the exception.

Most of us simply don’t have the time or the inclination to address the root cause of our stress. Besides it costs considerably more to consult a therapist than to buy a bottle of kava-kava from an online store.

But quick fixes are a short term solution. And by using them as coping strategies, we risk slipping into a never-ending cycle of psychological dependence, while ignoring the root cause of our stress.

Stress - resulting from the way we react to situations, from the emotions, behaviour patterns and habits that are part of our mental makeup.

Changing the attitudes or habits of a lifetime is never easy. We must find coping strategies - support from friends, family, community, religion, spirituality - and our own inner strength.

We need to use whatever works best for us, to avoid slipping back into the cycle of stress and despair.

The solutions are often there right in front of us - if we care enough to look for them. You could find them in a book, a church, a family reunion, a new love.

Often the answers are right there in your mind, but you have to CHOOSE to accept them.

Solving a problem takes three conscious steps:

• Awareness: Realising that we have a problem
• Acceptance: That we have to do something about it, and
• Action: Taking concrete steps to resolve it

Once you start to eliminate the root cause of your stress, you´ll find yourself reaching less and less for that magic pill, that upper, that quick fix.

A pill might give you a few moments of bliss. But when you eliminate the attitudes and behaviour that keep you down, the peace it brings will last you a lifetime.

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Most people who know me are surprised to learn that I used to be shy and introverted as a child. There are still times when that side of me emerges, but it’s not very often.

I was lucky I had people who believed in me:

• My dad who taught me music, which allowed me to perform on stage from an early age
• My school principal and teachers who goaded me into standing for elections and helped me develop my confidence to speak in public
• My late husband who always believed in my talents and abilities
• My readers and customers who helped me build a business online

These people saw something in me that I never saw in myself. They gave me the confidence to follow my dreams and I am grateful to them for making it happen.

But confidence is not unwavering. There are times when I lack the confidence to take action and move towards my dreams.

In those times, I turn to the self-help gurus for guidance and apply their knowledge to give myself a little confidence boost

I’ve listed some resources that I own and use. Do add your own resources in the comments section.

Unstoppable Confidence ebook by Kent Sayre (highly recommended)

Unstoppable Confidence MP3 audio download (highly recommended)

Boost Your Confidence ebook

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If you’re trying to make any sort of change in your life, to take your self or your business to a higher level, there’s a certain kind of person that you should avoid like the plague.

They’re the pessimists, the negative people who see life through glasses coloured with their own limiting beliefs and low self-esteem.

These are people who can never see the good side of things… who insist that someone or something is out to get them.

Who have so much self-loathing, that the only way they can feel good about themselves is by judging others. So little self-esteem that they end up pulling you down with them.

They don’t seem to understand that negativity and hate only breeds more of the same. And what you give out, you get back.

Some of them try to cover it up with arrogance, masquerading as over-confidence. I’ve met a few of these types, and I avoid them like the plague…

Why, you ask? Do I not want to help them?

Well, yes. I used to feel sorry for them, until I realised that you can only help someone who WANTS to be helped.

And the pessimists don’t want to be helped. Because there’s a payoff for their behaviour.

And that payoff is - not having to take responsibility for their lives. Not having to take action to drag themselves out of the morass of their mind.

So they continue being negative, pulling others down and feeling sorry for themselves.

They justify their negativity as being realistic. And continue to attract more of the same.

Then they wonder why they’re in the miserable situation the are in.

And if you have someone like this in your life. Someone who always makes you feel worse, I’ll give you some very good advice.

Cut them off from your life! Right now!

Because like a blood-sucking leech, they will drain you of all the positive feelings you have and drag you down into their miserable little world.

And while I’m still giving advice, here’s some for the pessimists out there.

Change your attitude!

You can choose to think negative thoughts or positive thoughts. Guess which ones will help you grow?

You can choose to judge people or see the good in them. Guess which attitude will build better relationships?

You can choose to interpret life events in a way that disempowers you or one that empowers you. Guess which attitude will help you recover faster from tragedy?

You can choose to blame others or take responsibility for your life. Guess which attitude will help you take action and grow as a person?

Your attitude is a choice. Why not choose to make it a good one?

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Arjuna was one of the heros of the ancient Sanskrit epic, Mahabharata.

His superior archery skills were the stuff of legend. One story in particular tells the reason for his success.

One day, Arjuna’s guru, Dronacharya, decided to test his students.

He hung a wooden bird from the branch of a tree and asked them to aim for the eye of the wooden bird. When they were ready, he asks the students to describe all that they saw.

The students described the garden, the tree, flowers, the branch from which the bird was suspended and the bird itself. Guru Dronacharya then asked them to step aside, saying that they were not fit to shoot.

When it was Arjuna’s turn to reply, he said, “I see the eye of the wooden bird”. “What else do you see, Arjuna?”, asked Dronacharya. “Nothing”, said Arjuna.

“Come now, Arjuna, describe all that you see”, repeated his guru. “I only see the black eye of a wooden bird”, insisted Arjuna. Arjun then took aim and hit the target exactly.

Arjuna understood the power of focus. He knew that to hit your target, you have to eliminate distraction and be completely focused on your task.

Without focus, you get pulled in a thousand different directions by the responsibilities of every day life. The key to achieving success is to focus on the task at hand and give it 100% of your attention.

Learn more about the Power of Positive Focus.

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I enjoyed watching the movie “Legally Blonde.” Not just for the bright, chirpy and eminently watchable Reese Witherspoon, but also because I loved the message it sent out.

If you didn’t see the movie, all you need to know is that it’s about a smart, fashion-conscious blonde who’s told time and again, by her family and friends, that it’s impossible for someone like her to go to Harvard law school.

That she’s just not smart enough and doesn’t have what it takes.

In the movie, the character played by Witherspoon not only goes to Harvard law, but also through sheer determination and intuition, graduates at the top of her class.

It’s just the sort of movie people love. Because it makes us believe that we too are capable of achieving anything we want to.

It reminds us how we often let ourselves, and others, underestimate our own potential.

And how we undermine our own sense of self, because of what we look like or where we came from.

But why just let it remain a movie, when it can be the story of your life…

Have you ever asked yourself what it is that keeps you from reaching your full potential?

From doing what you are inherently capable of?

For many of us, it’s a lack of belief in ourselves. A lack of confidence in our own ability to succeed.

And because we believe we will fail, we usually do.

But there are people who have succeeded beyond all expectation - no matter what they look like, or where they come from.

One of my favourite role models who comes to mind is another Hollywood celebrity, Barbra Streisand.

Indeed, one of my favourite films of all time is her movie, “Yentl,” about a courageous, intelligent woman trying to fulfill her capabilities, in the face of overwhelming odds.

“Yentl” was also the movie in which Streisand became the first woman ever to produce, direct, write and star in a major motion picture.

Streisand carved her own path, and broke the mould.

She showed how a woman with unconventional looks can make it in a field where beauty is more important than brains.

So, if you believe that you are less than someone, because of your lack of education, looks, talent, background or ability, take courage from her achievements.

They are an inspiration not only for women, but for everyone.

Because all it take is a belief. The belief that you can do what it takes.

Don’t wait for someone else to give you an opportunity to prove yourself. Stop depending on others for handouts.

Don’t wait for the right opportunity to fall in your lap. Because it never will.

All you need to carve your own path, is the confidence and the belief that you can succeed at anything you set out to do, no matter what the odds.

So start today. Choose a mentor.

Learn from the masters. Re-invent yourself.

Create your own opportunities and forge your own future.

Your belief in yourself, coupled with the courage to see it through, is what will carry you from a life of mediocrity and under-achievement, into a world where you can be the winner you aspire to be.

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A lot of people wonder why I do all the reading and learning I do. Yes, I love books and have a thirst for knowledge.

But when I read a book, listen to an audio or learn something new, I almost always put the knowledge I gain into action somewhere in my life.

It feels great when you reap the benefits of what you learn - whether it helps you expand your horizons, become a better person or grow your business.

Most people fail not because they don’t KNOW what to do, but because they don’t ACT on that knowledge.

I’ve known so many people who will buy the books (maybe even read half), the software, the tools to help them succeed, and then complain that they’re not getting results.

I think its great that they have the desire to succeed and are willing to spend money to make it happen, but as Anthony Robbins put it so well, “Affirmation without Action is the beginning of Delusion.”

Positive thinking and affirmations might work to remove limiting beliefs that prevent you from taking action. But mere knowledge is not power. It is potential power.

The key to using that power is to act on what you learn and apply it to reach your goals.

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[Note: I wrote this article in the year 2003, and its one of my best and favourite of all time - even if I say so myself. I hope you like it as much as I do]

Have you ever wondered what successful people have that makes them successful?

Ever wonder how those champion recruiters in your company manage, month after month, to get the most new recruits, the biggest bonuses, the largest paychecks?

Well let me tell you a secret. No one starts out as a Champion. Most of them started out like you and me.

So what is it that makes a Champion different from the rest?

Champions have an attitude, a mindset that sets them apart from the rest. But most of these qualities are not exceptional.

Indeed each and every one of us possesses these qualities when we start out in life. But somewhere along the way we tend to lose them and diminish our own potential.

To be a Champion, you must first become a Child! Let me explain:

1. Champions are Willing to Learn.

Children come into this world with an innate desire to learn, to understand the world around them.

They are like sponges observing and absorbing every fact, every reaction. Because they know that their very survival depends on it.

One of the most important, and oft-repeated, qualities we need to succeed in business is a willingness to learn - to be teachable.

To become a champion, you must be willing to educate yourself or be educated, to read about, learn and absorb all the things you need to know, even if they are completely new to you.

If you don’t, you are doomed to failure from the start.

2. Champions are Willing to Act

Have you notice how children completely geared towards action? As soon as they learn a new skill, they want to put it into action.

Champions are the same. They put their newly learned skills to use, taking concrete steps to improve their performance, so they can take their business to the next level.

They know that they must act on what they have learned, even if they haven’t perfected it. Which brings me to their next quality.

3. Champions are Not Afraid to Fail

Just as a child picks itself up again and again, every time it falls while taking its first steps, champions are not afraid to fall down or fail.

They know that failure is the best teacher. They learn from their mistakes and keep fine-tuning their methods till they succeed.

Champions have the courage to fall down and not be discouraged. They pick themselves up and keep trying.

4. Champions are Willing to Adapt

Darwin got it wrong.

Survival does not happen to the Fittest, but to the Most Adaptable.

As children, we adapt to long-term change relatively easily. We are more willing to accept situations and adapt our behaviour accordingly.

Unfortunately, as we grow older, we become more rigid in our thinking, unwilling to accept that there may be better ways of doing things.

In a changing business scenario, resistance to change makes us obsolete. We end up losing out to players with a better understanding of changing trends.

Champions are those who can adapt themselves and their business to changing trends.

5. Champions are Willing to Innovate

Children are extremely inventive beings. They come into this world with no preconceived notions of doing things. In their minds there are no limits to what they can do or how they can do it.

Champions apply these very principles to take their business to the top.

They not only learn from what has been done before. They find ways of doing it more efficiently, more cheaply, more successfully.

You don’t have to be like a child in all respects to succeed. It’s probably not even desirable.

But if your pre-conceived notions, fears and hesitation are preventing you from reaching your goals, try looking at the world through a child’s eyes.

At best you will improve your chances of success, at worst you’ll remain young at heart.

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It’s Earth Day today and to celebrate I’ve started a new blog called India Green Guide.

I will be posting a lot of information from my now-defunct environmental portal at makingindiagreen.org

Check out my first post about Earth Day and find some cool resources and tips to make Every Day Earth Day.

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Since I was 16, I’ve been half of a “couple”. Never having being accustomed to being on my own, losing my partner came as a complete shock. In the months after that, I became acutely aware of my single status as I struggled to come to terms with my loss.

Now that I’ve moved past that stage, I’ve realised that the “single” tag is just the result of social conditioning. Our desire to commune with another is based on the belief that we’re not complete without a lover or a spouse. And beliefs are easy to change - once you know how.

Coming to terms with loss takes work. After a break-up or the loss of a loved one, there’s a lot of healing that needs to occur before you can get back to living a normal life or get into a new relationship.

The process of healing meant that I had to deal with my emotional baggage - take out the trash - so I could learn to love again.

One book that helped me move through my grief was John Gray’s book “Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One“.

Gray relies a great deal on the methods of traditional psychotherapy to help healing. I found the exercises detailed in this book a far better way to deal with the healing process than going to a therapist.

Sidenote: Therapy may be good for some people, but it doesn’t work for me. I believe that most therapists are generally well-intentioned, but they have more to gain by keeping a person in therapy than helping them recover. I think, on some level, that desire sabotages any intention they may have of helping their patients learn to deal with problems on their own.

You’re welcome to disagree, of course, but if you’re facing your own problems with therapy, I recommend you read Richard Carlson’s Shortcut through Therapy : Ten Principles of Growth-Oriented, Contented Living. It’s one of the best self-help books I’ve ever read.

About John Gray’s book: Don’t just read it - take action and do the exercises he provides. They’ll help you clear a lot of the garbage and negativity in your mind.

After working through them, I realised how much stuff I had inside me that was holding me back from being able to give my love unconditionally to myself or another human being.

I’ve now grown a lot and am completely content with my single status - or however the world chooses to define it. My happiness no longer depends on having a relationship or being married.

Yes, I love having friends and being around people. But, I’ve learned how to feel whole and complete with myself, to love myself and accept myself unconditionally.

And I’ve come to realise that being “single” is just a state of mind.

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