Soul Kadee

Since I was 16, I’ve been half of a “couple”. Never having being accustomed to being on my own, losing my partner came as a complete shock. In the months after that, I became acutely aware of my single status as I struggled to come to terms with my loss.

Now that I’ve moved past that stage, I’ve realised that the “single” tag is just the result of social conditioning. Our desire to commune with another is based on the belief that we’re not complete without a lover or a spouse. And beliefs are easy to change - once you know how.

Coming to terms with loss takes work. After a break-up or the loss of a loved one, there’s a lot of healing that needs to occur before you can get back to living a normal life or get into a new relationship.

The process of healing meant that I had to deal with my emotional baggage - take out the trash - so I could learn to love again.

One book that helped me move through my grief was John Gray’s book “Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One“.

Gray relies a great deal on the methods of traditional psychotherapy to help healing. I found the exercises detailed in this book a far better way to deal with the healing process than going to a therapist.

Sidenote: Therapy may be good for some people, but it doesn’t work for me. I believe that most therapists are generally well-intentioned, but they have more to gain by keeping a person in therapy than helping them recover. I think, on some level, that desire sabotages any intention they may have of helping their patients learn to deal with problems on their own.

You’re welcome to disagree, of course, but if you’re facing your own problems with therapy, I recommend you read Richard Carlson’s Shortcut through Therapy : Ten Principles of Growth-Oriented, Contented Living. It’s one of the best self-help books I’ve ever read.

About John Gray’s book: Don’t just read it - take action and do the exercises he provides. They’ll help you clear a lot of the garbage and negativity in your mind.

After working through them, I realised how much stuff I had inside me that was holding me back from being able to give my love unconditionally to myself or another human being.

I’ve now grown a lot and am completely content with my single status - or however the world chooses to define it. My happiness no longer depends on having a relationship or being married.

Yes, I love having friends and being around people. But, I’ve learned how to feel whole and complete with myself, to love myself and accept myself unconditionally.

And I’ve come to realise that being “single” is just a state of mind.

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