Why I Avoid Negative People Like The Plague
April 25th, 2006, 9:53 am by Priya Florence Shah
Filed under My Life, Self Help, Happiness, Personal Growth, Experiences, Relationships, Self-Improvement, Attitude, Thoughts
If you’re trying to make any sort of change in your life, to take your self or your business to a higher level, there’s a certain kind of person that you should avoid like the plague.
They’re the pessimists, the negative people who see life through glasses coloured with their own limiting beliefs and low self-esteem.
These are people who can never see the good side of things… who insist that someone or something is out to get them.
Who have so much self-loathing, that the only way they can feel good about themselves is by judging others. So little self-esteem that they end up pulling you down with them.
They don’t seem to understand that negativity and hate only breeds more of the same. And what you give out, you get back.
Some of them try to cover it up with arrogance, masquerading as over-confidence. I’ve met a few of these types, and I avoid them like the plague…
Why, you ask? Do I not want to help them?
Well, yes. I used to feel sorry for them, until I realised that you can only help someone who WANTS to be helped.
And the pessimists don’t want to be helped. Because there’s a payoff for their behaviour.
And that payoff is - not having to take responsibility for their lives. Not having to take action to drag themselves out of the morass of their mind.
So they continue being negative, pulling others down and feeling sorry for themselves.
They justify their negativity as being realistic. And continue to attract more of the same.
Then they wonder why they’re in the miserable situation the are in.
And if you have someone like this in your life. Someone who always makes you feel worse, I’ll give you some very good advice.
Cut them off from your life! Right now!
Because like a blood-sucking leech, they will drain you of all the positive feelings you have and drag you down into their miserable little world.
And while I’m still giving advice, here’s some for the pessimists out there.
Change your attitude!
You can choose to think negative thoughts or positive thoughts. Guess which ones will help you grow?
You can choose to judge people or see the good in them. Guess which attitude will build better relationships?
You can choose to interpret life events in a way that disempowers you or one that empowers you. Guess which attitude will help you recover faster from tragedy?
You can choose to blame others or take responsibility for your life. Guess which attitude will help you take action and grow as a person?
Your attitude is a choice. Why not choose to make it a good one?
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Soul Kadee: An Appetite for Life » Blog Archive » Compassion And The Victim Mindset said,
May 2nd, 2006, 11:14 am
[…] In a previous post I talked about why I avoid negative people. I got a few responses to that post by email. […]
U know me said,
May 2nd, 2006, 11:16 am
I agree that there is a lot of negativity around us and one can help only if the person having negative approach want to be helped. But the real test of your positivity and optimism is to accept the way that person is, influence them with ur positive attitude and make them live with positive approach..
Its easy to disassociate such people but its extremely difficult to cope up with negative ppl and induce optimism and to show them the right path towards towards.
would like to know ur comments !
Priya Florence Shah said,
May 2nd, 2006, 11:19 am
Hi Sandy,
Thanks for the comment. I think you’ll find the answer here
http://www.soulkadee.com/2006/05/02/compassion-and-the-victim-mindset/
Soul Kadee: An Appetite for Life » Don’t Avoid Pain: Use It To Create Leverage said,
May 29th, 2006, 9:47 am
[…] I loved that part, because it reminded me of something I’ve been giving a lot of thought to recently. A few months ago, I got out of a relationship with a very negative person who could do little but judge and criticise everyone, including himself. […]
Soul Kadee: An Appetite for Life » Natural Born Empath: Deanna Troi In The Flesh said,
July 5th, 2006, 9:12 am
[…] I guess being an empath is what accounts for my acute sensitivity to negative thoughts, negative people, bad news, and even depression. But at least I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. As the article here notes: Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another’s ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see. […]
Lisa Horn said,
November 6th, 2006, 1:27 pm
I have a friend that always puts me down or Judge’s me as being something I’m not. I am so good to her, I help her out all the time. People ask me all the time why do I put up with her. I don’t know. What should I do?
Soul Kadee: An Appetite for Life » The Healing Codes: Can Your Beliefs Make You Sick? said,
January 29th, 2007, 1:00 am
[…] We know that thoughts are vibrations or energy and that negative thought patterns create a negative outcome, while positive thought patterns create a positive outcome. As the article here states: Everything in the universe has a unique vibrational energy. Every object, every being, every thought, every action. Your physical body in its healthy state has a specific rate of vibration. When you are sick your vibrational rate changes and you are no longer in balance with your true nature. […]
Soul Kadee: An Appetite for Life » The Law Of Attraction Is No Secret said,
March 4th, 2007, 1:04 pm
[…] Lack of belief: Negative beliefs, defeatist attitudes, pessimism and expecting the worst only attracts more negativity into your life […]
gnap said,
May 6th, 2007, 5:28 am
Hey, great article. I stumbled upon your site when i was searching for something to read on “negative people”.
I recently encountered some negative people that left a bad taste in my mouth, and what I read here, made me feel a whole lot better - seeing them for what they really are and keeping a clear conscience for myself and not be affected by them.
You’re right. Avoid them like the plaque. (If i can’t avoid them, I’ll just IGNORE them.
)
Thanks..
tata said,
July 28th, 2007, 4:56 pm
nice one and point weell made, all negative bodd sucking vampires and leeches are no good to any one not even themselves the prey on the goodness of people who genuinly make an effort in life and with other people. these negative dark clouds only bring wet weather showering all that they are around so that you will always end up getting wet, cold and eventually sick. good advice avoid these people like the plague they are a disease on the earth that which is making it so much more difficult for all human kind and reaking havoc on the world. keep poisitive and dont let these gloomy people cloud your mind and life, where you want to sail happily in the sun they only want to anchor your ship at any time with out need. keep sailing!
Priya Florence Shah said,
November 19th, 2007, 4:24 pm
Lisa, what I suggest is that you begin to distance yourself from the friend who judges you. Or else realise that she’s being judgmental because she is unable to accept her own failings and judges herself harshly. Either way, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to tolerate her judgment or enlighten her on her behaviour (which I doubt will work).
mary said,
June 6th, 2008, 6:48 am
Hey, I like your article. The only thing is that I used to be and am still in the process of not becoming one of those people. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, but I went through some incredibly traumatic life events and truly didn’t notice my negative thought patterns setting in as I failed to cope with the events around me. I’ve done so well my whole life taking these issues and turning them in to a chance for me to grow and have the opportunity to be a strong resilient person, but I don’t know when I gave up. I guess I felt like I needed a break and took the easy way out. I don’t excuse any of this. I just think that it is important to remember that these people aren’t necessarily out to get you and bring you down. They are clueless and aren’t even aware of their toxic and somber mood. Everyone thinks that their thought patterns are reality and positivity is a direction that everyone should want to head. What kills me though is that as I became such a negative person, it happened slowly and I was completely unaware! Honestly. I’ve always wanted to make a positive impact on my surroundings, still kept up volunteer work and things like that, but I didn’t realize how bad my sarcasm had gotten and how unpleasant I was to people around me. I thought I was joking and my sarcasm was a reflection of my own self-loathing. Truly didn’t know. No one seemed to really want to hang out with me and I didn’t know why. I just think it is important to consider telling people that they are not pleasant to be around before refering to them as leeches or as someone who is out to get you. I never intended to do that to anyone and felt as though my reality was everyone elses at the time. It took me so long to finally realize why people didn’t like me and I have to thank a couple of people I worked with who were blunt and told me flat out… you’re so negative and you’re unpleasant to be around. While it hurts to hear, it is one of the best things someone has done for me, because they made it very clear as to why they didn’t like me and look! it turned out positive. That’s all it took for me to want to change! It sounds kind of silly, but maybe have something positive to say about these negative people. Every human being has the potential to change. Don’t encourage it in any way. Call them out on it, but their thought patterns don’t necessarily imply that they are bad people and out to harm you. Telling them that they are negative may make them upset at first (negative thoughts can lead someone to be highly sensitive or vice versa), but I think that it is such a good thing to do for the person and helps you in a sense impact the world in a positive way! Maybe don’t completely shun them as horrible people, but tell them they are negative and you don’t like it and maybe they will realize and change like me.
Dan Hinkley said,
October 1st, 2008, 6:43 am
Perhaps you are confusing mean people with negative people.
Let’s face it, pick up a history book, human history has been filled with war, famine, disease and death, as well as joy, love, success, honor and happiness. Still, given the brutality of nature (try living in nature for one month in the winter), it only stand to reason that one has to be a realist to survive.
What you are talking about is an unhealthy focus on what is not real. It is reality that if you go to war you may die. It is not reality that driving around without your seatbelt a few times a month is likely to kill you.
Perhaps people who are negative are merely unlucky, and people who are positive, are positive because they are lucky, and it is has nothing to do with thought patterns, rather, the bad energy that surrounds certain people creates their negative personality.
I’ve gone through horrible trauma, and it started while I was still a very positive person. Things just always worked out for me. Then one day it all just stopped and nothing seemed to work out.
We are, right now, on the edge of a financial collapse. Shall all the positive thinkers just ignore it and not protect themselves?
Many times people who are “positive” are just extremely advantaged either through genetics or affirmative action, and just don’t see it, and don’t understand fully what it is like to live on the other side of the tracks.
One thing I won’t do is give up. I constantly study and I will fight for what I want.
Go read German history, 1918-1945, it might sober you “positive thinkers” or shall I say “naives” up a bit.
Anon said,
November 10th, 2008, 11:37 pm
Hey
I can totally relate to Mary, i too had become very negative due to many traumatic experiences starting from when i was a kid, id always think of the bad or the worst that could happen in a situation.
atlem said,
April 24th, 2009, 10:15 am
I am a housewife and have been going through some traumatic experiences for a couple of years now. I’ve been judged and humiliated by some people in our neighborhood particularly the relatives of my husband. They’re trying to put us down, me and my husband. I’ve been good to them and have been passive before but I eventually avoided them because they’re trying to run our lives their way. I just don’t want to be associated with them again for what they’ve done to us.
Ryan said,
May 9th, 2009, 7:54 pm
This advice is total BS like most advices on the net.
I agree that overall negativity is bad. But negative people have a logic behind what they say. Try evaluating the facts before u dismiss anything. Try to analyze what u are gaining or loosing with the situation u r in.
For example, see all the divorced men aka deadbeat dads. Had they been negative they wouldn’t have lost their lives with no fault of their own. But what did them was their optimism. All along they got played by an evil bitch and got screwed in the divorce. Its not funny. But if u would have tried to show them the light when they were on the altar about to speak those dreaded words would they have listened?? The typical answer is “Don’t worry!! my wife is different.”. Fucking Hell she was. She didn’t even wait till the honeymoon was over before dialing the cops for some false DV case. That guy lost his home which he paid for with his hard-work. In that same house that cunt lives with a new drug dealer. She had turned it into a coke warehouse.
I don’t thing this is a funny situation to be in. I am a man and I am generally optimistic. But I am negative to the last bone when it comes to women, dating, relationships and marriage. The payoff is I still have my life together and have never been conned by a gold digger like most of my friends have been ranging from a quick meal scam to a full nightmarish divorce. I have a moderately successful business which earns me enough to take care of myself and my needs. I live my life with peace and serenity and run my business with a general positive approach.
So, being blindly optimistic about everything in life is a recipe for disaster. U need to choose ur battles wisely. Thats all I can say.
Vulcanmind said,
May 11th, 2009, 4:54 am
Dude, I agree that dopey optimism is for the birds, but I think it’s time that you understood that you cannot evaluate women by a male yardstick. I learned that the hard way, but I DID learn. I learned because I love women, and it took patience and a big dose of humility to find - and keep - MY woman.
If there are gold-digging women, there are also some pretty valid ones on the face of this planet. Issuing a blanket condemnation against the entire genus is sort of like shooting yourself in the foot rather than improving your focus and taking better aim at the target that has apparently eluded you for so long - a woman who wants you for what you are, not for what you have or what you showcase yourself to be to begin with (always an unsustainable illusion).
One swallow does not make a summer - and one vulture does not make Tombstone. Get your face off the Wailing Wall and open your mind to the fact that this world is big enough to accommodate a lot of imperfection - yours, and that of the woman/women who have seemingly convinced you of the virtues of eternal bachelorhood. There is still a chance for you - but not in the corner you are so industriously painting yourself into.