Soul Kadee

One of the questions I’ve been asking myself recently is, “What is it that’s preventing me from being able to experience unconditional love in a relationship?”

The reason, I realised, was that I was responding from fear, not love.

Every time I felt threatened in a relationship (which was pretty often), my conditioning and survival response would kick in, causing my insecurities to rear their ugly heads.

I had to look deeper within and ask, “What is it that I fear when I run the risk of rejection, abandonment or being taken for granted?”

The answer came, “It’s the loss of ego that creates fear.”

Ego: the desire for identity and sense of self, that creates the illusion of our being separate from the rest of creation.

When we realise that we’re not a separate identity, that we’re part of the greater consciousness we call creation, then there’s no need for ego, and fear loses its grip over our mind.

Egolessness: An emotional state where one feels no ego (or self); of having no distinct being apart from the world around oneself.

Fear and Ego disempower us. They prevent us from acting from love and experiencing unconditional love in our relationships.

Here’s what my friend and healer, Leo Velloz, wrote about Fear:

Fear has many faces and most of those faces are in disguise. Fear can be so deceptive that we rarely recognize or define it, and therefore fail to challenge it when it sneaks up upon us in such an insidious way that it can paralyse, erode, control and ultimately destroy us.

Fear is the most lethal weapon and the most toxic poison known to man. Fear is highly contagious and self destructive.

Fear can be spread by word, suggestion, imagery, innuendo or intimidation. Fear is a chameleon and will most often show up as something completely different which makes it very difficult to recognize or unmask.

Almost all destructive behavioural and emotional responses can be tracked back to fear when we peel away the layers of our feelings and actions.

Fear is the core issue behind violence, jealousy, bigotry, anger, depression, greed, hatred, lies, insecurity or obsessive worry, just to name a few.

I believe there are no coincidences in life. When the student is ready the teacher appears. And so it happened with me.

As I was grappling with this personal dilemma, I received an email from a gentleman named Dr. Tim Ong. He’d just written an ebook on this very subject and sent me a copy. (Did I mention there are no coincidences? :-))

Dr. Ong’s book, From Fear To Love: A Spiritual Journey, is an inspiring account of his own battle with fear.

I just finished reading the ebook and want to share a beautiful quote from it here.

Love versus Fear

An old man said to his grandson, “Boy, I have two tigers caged within me. One is love and compassion. The other is fear and anger.”

The young boy asked, “Which one will win, grandfather?”

The old man replied, “The one I feed.”

And so in the battle between love and fear, its the emotion you nurture that will become the guiding force in your life.

Allow your ego and fears to rule you and you will never be capable of unconditional love. Respond from love and you chase away fear.

In From Fear To Love, Dr. Ong shows you how understanding the immutable laws that govern the universe and all of life, could transform your life, if you choose to let it.

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