Soul Kadee

A couple of days ago, I took off to watch Pirates of The Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest. Awesome, fun, must-see movie! I so love pirate stories, Capn. Jack Sparrow and Johnny Depp’s amazing ability to constantly reinvent himself.

Having some time to kill before the movie, I decided to drop in at one of my favourite places to hang out, the Oxford Bookstore at Churchgate. They have a pretty good self-help section with all my favourite authors - Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay, Cherie Huber and more.

I picked up a great little book called Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You by Daphne Rose Kingma for just Rs 150. Money well spent - it’s one of the best books I’ve read on the topic of learning to enhance your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Louise Hay said it best when she wrote that the lack of self love is at the root of ALL human problems. Her book, You Can Heal Your Life, is required reading for those who’ve experienced childhood trauma or had their self-esteem decimated because of painful life circumstances.

Having experienced both, her advice helped me look at my life from a completely new perspective. In the last few years, I came to realise that “loving myself was the greatest work I would do in this life.”

I found and used techniques to help me remove limiting beliefs that were preventing me from accepting and loving myself unconditionally. In the process, I healed a lot of my scars, and found a new self-assurance and confidence in my abilities.

I learned to value myself more, and know that I deserve the best life has to offer. I learned that I can give of myself without having to tolerate disrespectful behaviour in any relationship or situation. I learned to be my own best friend, to stop criticising myself for my mistakes and take good care of my own feelings first.

Healthy self love is not narcissism, which is really a lack of self-esteem masquerading as over-confidence. Narcissists are unable to love anyone else - they are in love with an image of themselves. If you were really a narcissist, you wouldn’t lack self love, because what they really lack is empathy and remorse.

As Kingma notes in Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You, healthy self-love not only contributes to better relationships and personal achievements, but enhances the ability to be compassionate and generous toward others. Her four recommendations for overcoming patterns of self-criticism and moving toward self-acceptance include:

• Mastering the ability to speak out honestly
• Taking actions that lead to growth
• Carving out one’s own emotional space without others’ interference, and
• Focusing on a path beyond the self, via spiritual or other pursuits.

To that list, I’d also add learning to -

• Forgive yourself and others
• Exercise self-discipline
• Become self-aware, and
• Achieve personal mastery

I found spiritual practices like meditation, yoga, and Tai Chi very helpful to me personally, but joining a gym, going to church, community service, or any other spiritual and physical practice may work just as well for you.

Learning how others have done it before can help, but you have to find what works for you personally. The key is to work towards your goals consistently, and with determination. Don’t expect quick results. Any process of change takes time and effort.

I wish you well on your own journey of self-love. Do share your own experiences and what has worked for you.

Popularity: 11% [?]

I’m a real pack rat. I tend to store stuff and hold on to old things, even when they no longer serve me.

Old books, old toys, old clothes (I have a cupboard full of them). Even old beliefs, emotions and energies, memories and relationships.

I have a really hard time letting go of things that have outlived their usefulness. As if it would be sacrilege to let go of the past.

But unless I clean out my home or life, I can’t make space for anything new.

With some conscious effort, I did manage to do a bit of emotional housecleaning. I let go of a lot of emotions and memories that were holding me back.

But cleaning out my home is still proving a challenge. When that’s done, I’m hoping that a lot of energies stored up in the junk will go away.

And my Feng Shui practitioner will be a happy man.

Popularity: 7% [?]

One of the reasons I admire Angelina Jolie is that she’s totally comfortable with her dark side. I also admire her talent, guts and compassion, but that’s the subject of another post.

All of us have a dark side - flaws and behaviours that prevent us from being our best selves, that we would rather not admit to having, and that we often keep hidden even from ourselves.

Becoming aware of our flaws and eccentricities can make us feel unlovable or unattractive as human beings. But loving yourself means accepting yourself the way you are. Completely and unconditionally. And that means embracing your dark side.

Only when you accept and embrace the fact that you have a behaviour that does not serve you, can you replace it with one that does.

As Deepak Chopra notes in his book, The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Creating The Love You Need, a person who exhibits both positive and negative qualities, strengths and weaknesses, is not flawed but complete. And if you have a desirable trait, you can be sure you also have the opposite trait in you.

For instance, my friends know me as a non-judgemental, non-egoistic, compassionate, giving person. As an empath and an INFJ personality type I’m always concerned about people’s feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone.

But that personality trait also made me a complete pushover in my relationships with people. It meant that I was unable to draw boundaries, stand up for myself or ask for what I needed. I would let people walk all over me and end up resenting them for it (when it was really my fault for not being more assertive).

Once I became aware of this flaw, and accepted the behaviour that was not serving me, I made a conscious effort to change it. Sometimes in trying to be more assertive, I tend to come across as egoistic, stubborn and argumentative (or bitchy, as some people would put it).

I became acutely aware of this tendency a few days ago, when it sabotaged my efforts to promote peace among people hurting from the blasts in Mumbai. Although my heart was in the right place, I erred by choosing to react instead of respond and failing to understand where they were coming from.

We INFJs hold deep convictions and can be very stubborn or react adversely when our values and beliefs are threatened. But there’s a fine line between being assertive and egoistic, discerning and judgemental, and I sometimes overcompensate, and allow the less desirable behaviour to dominate.

I guess it’s all part of learning the Law of Balance. It was in Dan Millman’s beautiful book, The Laws of Spirit: A Tale of Transformation, that I learned how, in the process of unlearning something, we sometimes need to overcompensate in order to hit our target.

When I display an undesirable behaviour or reaction, I know I have a long way to go on my path of transformation. But I know that change is a process, not a destination.

And although it’s not always fun to learn more about our dark side, there’s always the hope that better awareness will lead to better choices.

Recommended Reading:

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers

Tags: Angelina Jolie

Popularity: 13% [?]

Well, Narendra Modi came and went. And for once even he exercised restraint, agreeing with the opinion that “Terrorists have no religion.” I hope the angry people out there exercise similar restraint.

The two minutes of silence held across the city at 6.25 pm yesterday for those killed in the blasts, was a touching gesture. But it will take more than symbolism, and futile actions like blocking blogs and websites, to combat this evil.

Fed up with government inaction and platitudes about the city’s spirit, the citizens of Mumbai are getting ready to take action after the Mumbai blasts.

The Times Of India has created a petition to address some pressing demands including

• More autonomy on how this city is run.
• More money, for the state and from the state.
• More accountability and transparency.
• More civilized living.
• More safety and security.

The petition will be submitted to the Prime Minister. For each signature, TOI will also contribute a rupee toward welfare of those affected by the recent blasts.

If you’ve had enough, speak up. And spread the word.

The Mumbai People’s Action Committee is holding a meeting to discuss possible (peaceful) options to make a difference.

Thanks to Madhav Menon for this information.

MUMBAI PEOPLE’S ACTION COMMITTEE

Please attend the meeting on “Bomb blasts, floods, and other disasters, government inaction, and what we can do”

Date: Thursday, 20 July 2006.

Venue: Rachna Sansad, Behind Ravindra Natya Mandir, Off Sayani Road, Prabhadevi.

Time: 6.00 PM

Mumbai dealt with the blasts that rattled the otherwise calm city, mainly courtesy its people. On several occasions Mumbaikars have depicted their spirit that has sailed it through any disaster that came its way.

But the spirit of Mumbai cannot compensate for the lack of government action and inefficiency in disaster management. Where is the spirit of the government to work for its people?

Mumbai People’s Action Committee (MPAC) calls for representation from different organizations, and different arenas of work in a meeting to react on the issue and prove to the government that the present calm of the city should not be mistaken for apathy.

The meeting would be focused to review the failures of the state government in fulfilling their promises post July 26 2005, the inefficiency of the disaster management cell, the general resistance to take responsibility and lack of seriousness towards issues relating to urban planning.

The meeting will discuss
1) expectations from the govt, and administration,
2) possible solutions and demands
3) maintaining peace in the city in the aftermath of the blasts.

Please come for what is a crucial meeting in the present context.

In solidarity

Dr Shanti Patel, Dada Samant, Datta Iswalkar, Neera Adarkar

—————————————————————————

112 B Saat Aasra Society, SS Rao Rd, Mumbai- 400012. Ph: 24174048

I’m definitely going to make it tomorrow. If you’re a Mumbaikar who wants to make a difference to our city, please attend.

Tags: terrorism, mumbai blasts

Popularity: 14% [?]

The editor of Loksatta was right when he said, during “The Big Mumbai Debate” on CNN-IBN, that the citizens of Mumbai go to war everyday.

Every time I walk past the security at Vashi station, board the train, look for suspicious packages on the luggage racks (why don’t they do away with those stupid racks anyway?), I wonder where the next target will be, and if I’ll reach home and see my little girl again.

The celebrated spirit of Mumbaikars is taking a beating, sinking lower and lower every day. Just now there was another bomb scare at Dadar station and several local trains were stopped.

But here’s what makes me really angry:

1. I have no faith left in the Mumbai police. As the panel of speakers on CNN-IBN said, and the police chief himself glumly admitted, continual interference in police matters by politicians has completely demoralised the Mumbai police. No one even wants to be posted to Mumbai.

What action can a demoralised and ineffectual police force take against terrorists? Days after the blasts, and there’s still no clue about who did it. It’s no wonder that Mumbaikars like me have lost all faith in the police.

2. Narendra Damodardas Modi in Mumbai. This man who sat by like the proverbial Nero, while the state of Gujarat burned, was responsible for the anti-Muslim pogrom during the riots in Gujarat in 2002.

And today he visited Mumbai, ostensibly to “talk on terrorism,” but more likely to spread his agenda of hate. The Maharastra government warned him to “watch his words“, but why allow him here in the first place?

“Go back Modi! The last thing our bruised city needs now is a riot,” said the headline of today’s Mid-Day. And I quote here from the editorial:

We don’t want you here. We don’t like your mug on posters that blabber about fighting terrorism, when really, all you want to do is the routine you did after Godhra. Our city is tense and angry enough without that act.

We don’t want you here. We don’t want a riot. Do you hear us?

You want division and hatred transmitted through the wireless acoustics of Mumbai. But you know what, we don’t want to hear it.

A million people who are reading this are probably travelling on trains, Mr Modi. Trains very much like the ones blown up last Tuesday. They are on their way to work. Or going back home.

Don’t try and turn Bombay into Baroda. Here, Best bakeries are simply places that bake the best breads. We want it to stay that way.

Do you hear us?

It isn’t that we are in love with those who currently govern us.

Our chief minister would like to live in Shanghai € and a lot of people in the city think he should.

Our home minister busied himself trying to shut dance bars as terrorist sleeper modules woke up and planned this thing.

But Mumbai, if not its politicians, is committed to getting the people who took the lives of our fellow travellers.

We are also committed to fighting for a more secure future. And we are intent on delivering this message € our way, not yours € to the people who govern.

Despite the simmering anger, city netas across the spectrum€and even the fringe that you belong to € have shown a restraint that is necessary at this time.

‘Restraint’, Mr Modi. Look it up in the dictionary.

It could still turn out okay. We’re optimistic enough to believe that you will come and go and nothing will happen. We know, from your illustrious career, that you will do your best to ensure something does. Thing is, Mr Modi, the Mumbai spirit doesn’t need Modifications. So why not spare us all this bother and take the first flight back?

Do you hear us?

3. People who talk of “retaliation” and “genocide” in the same breath. Do they even know what genocide means?

The systematic killing of substantial numbers of people on the basis of ethnicity, religion, political opinion, social status, or other particularity. Acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial or religious group.

Even though I make a conscious choice to be forgiving and compassionate, I know we must take action to prevent these incidents from occurring, and more important, make authorities accountable for their failure to act.

But talking of genocide is taking it too far. That’s the speciality of people like Modi, Hitler and Bush.

Do we need the deaths of more innocents (which is exactly what genocide entails) on our collective conscience? Does murder justify mass murder? Wasn’t Gujarat enough?

Since we’re all facing the same enemy, we need to unite, not attack each other. Nowadays it takes just a rumour on SMS or a careless comment to spark a riot.

When even political parties like the Sena have been showing restraint because of the potential consequences, I find it extremely irresponsible of these people to go around spreading more hate.

4. Our PM running to Bush for “help”. Now this is too much! Can’t the World’s Biggest Democracy take care of it’s own? Why do we need to go, with a begging bowl, to the World’s Biggest Terrorist? Here’s how I imagine that would go.

Dr. Singh: Oh Mr. Bush, puhleeese save us from these awful terrorists.

Bush: Sure Manny. Just tell me who’s responsible for these atrocious acts and I’ll have Con-doh-leeza on it right away.

This part of the report had me really riled up:

Though Singh did not raise the issue of Islamabad’s alleged support to terror groups that target India in his opening remarks, he later told Bush that cross-border terrorism was becoming a menace for India.

Becoming a menace for India, Dr. Singh? When is it going to become menace enough for you to speak up and condemn Pakistan in stronger terms for harbouring terrorists? We need action and leadership, Dr. Singh! When are you going to provide it?

But I’ve given up questioning the wisdom of the Indian government. I know that change must come from within - from civil society.

Because we’re the ones who elect the gutless leaders, the corrupt, grasping corporators, more concerned with grabbing power and lining their pockets, than about people like you and me who literally go to war everyday.

We’re the ones who created the problem, and we must be the ones to find a solution.

Not one that creates more bloodshed, but that unites all Indians against terror, violence and the politics of hatred. And demands accountability from the police, politicians and the administration.

I’m serious about making a change. One that takes the interests of all Indians to heart. Are you with me on this? Do comment and let me know.

Also see:

Mumbai Blasts: Trash the spirit. Speak Up

Tain ki dard na aaya (Did You not feel the pain?)

Tags: terrorism, mumbai blasts

Popularity: 15% [?]

I’ve been arguing on forums for the last few days, facing the attacks of those who are trying to stir up hate, hoping that I can make a differnce in light of the possibility of communal passions being stirred up following the 7/11 Mumbai Blasts. It’s like casting pearls before swine.

But I know there are good people out there who are currently searching for answers in the face of so much tragedy and hatred. So even if it gives even one person a little comfort, it was worth taking on those who felt I was too soft on terrorists.

I was shocked to find people out there who actually equate non-violence with cowardice and called me a coward. I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel compassion for them.

With that one statement they effectively nullified the efforts of those who fought for India’s freedom through a campaign of non-violence, and labelled them cowards.

And that means people who get their way through violent means - like George Bush and Osama Bin Laden - are heroes. What a screwed up world we live in!

When I was a former environmental journalist, trying to make a difference in my own small way, I realised that change only comes from within. The only person you can change is yourself.

But because that’s the difficult path, most “leaders” who crave popularity and control incite people to riot, destroy and change their world through outward means. Which just leads to a cycle of more hate and violence.

True leaders throughout the ages knew that to change your world, you must first achieve mastery over yourself. Change your thoughts, your mind, your actions, your beliefs if you want to effect real change.

I found this quote in a book review of 7 Mysteries: Contemplative Arts For The Modern Mystic, and felt it was just the sort of thought we need to keep in mind today.

Never in human history has the responsibility for personal transformation been more important. We stand at a crucial crossroads in human history, and never have the choices before us been more clear.

As individuals, we can leave the determination of our common fate to regressive fundamentalist regimes (internal and external), or we can reject such fear-based thinking in favor of a compassionate, more integral future.

We must evolve beyond our every limitation, transcend our fears, and seize responsibility for re-creating ourselves, our nation, and our world.

Popularity: 6% [?]

As an Empath who’s just discovered her talents, I identified so much to this article by Rev. Alesia Matson, D.D., that I just had to publish it here.

Everyone has empathy. We are all born with the ability to emote, and in the normal course of emotional development our empathic abilities bloom just afterward.

We use empathy at various times, whether it’s navigating the troubled hearts of those nearest and dearest to us to help them find healing or gauging the unspoken cues of acquaintances and strangers to facilitate communication.

Empathy is the bridge which allows us to transcend the boundary of our skin; miraculously, we experience the emotional language of another incarnated soul.

This is the level of empathy that humans hold in common. Among the race of humans there are a few for whom empathy is not what one does, but what one is. These are the Empaths, those who have chosen to live their lives as an expression of their transpersonal empathic awareness.

There may not be many at any given time or in any specific area, but their talents and message transcend religious doctrine and are crucial to humanity’s continuing evolution.

Empaths the world over share many common traits. They are often described as “moody” or “overly emotional” to a world full of linear thinking logicals. This is because Empaths feel everything intensely, and others become confused by the depth and range of that emotive expression.

Laughter to tears and back to laughter, sometimes within mere moments and even all at once - not because they are manic or depressive, but simply because they are experiencing something deeply.

It has been said that if the emotional dimension of an Empath were suddenly dumped into the body of anyone else, they might well be institutionalized from the shock.

They are characteristically bright-eyed, happy souls, of a cheery disposition that is downright infectious. Though they can and do endure sadness, anger, and depression, these are but the dark clouds in an Empath’s normally clear sky. The storm invariably passes, and the sunshine smile reappears to dry a world gone wet with tears.

Empaths are people-pleasers, they can’t help it. Teasing out a smile from a friend or loved one is as natural to them as breathing, and they will do whatever it takes to feel that smiling approval from their contemporaries.

Taken to extremes, this trait leads to fatal self-compromise, as the Empath loses her integrity in her attempts to win acceptance and love from parents, friends, spouses, and children.

Empaths do not like being alone. They can actually grow sicker when left alone to recover from an illness. They are the last to go out to dinner and a movie by themselves, or to retreat over-long into isolation.

They are sexual, sensual beings who are capable of riding the emotive energy of an intimate encounter to mind-blowing fulfillment. They suffuse their partners with carnal intimacy, intuiting their partner’s needs and meeting them without a word being exchanged.

Empaths seethe with passion for all of life, and tend not to be without partners for long.

Empaths are born teachers. Others may instruct, but for Empaths it seems as though the ability to intuit how best to convey a message or lesson is bred right into the bone.

Though they may not be the most charismatic person in the crowd, when an Empath stands up in front of a class they become energized, dynamic, even mesmerizing. They have an uncanny ability to gauge the prevailing mood of a group, and modulate their tempo, tone, and content to match.

The depths of the dark side of Empaths correspond to the amount of light they have to share and to the breadth of their own self-doubt. Empaths, sadly, too often doubt themselves. All their lives they’ve had to strive to reconcile their sense of what others are feeling, and what others say they’re feeling.

In their need to be accepted, they will acquiesce to the wishes of others and heed only the words, striving to shut down that internal antenna which continues to vibrate in time with the truth. The conflict this generates can lead to low self-esteem, weight gain, drug use (prescribed or otherwise), poor academic achievement, and a downward spiralling pattern of abusive or unfullfilling relationships.

These are the ones most likely to confuse sex with love, jealousy with devotion, and passion with lust. “I love you, you owe me” is a hallmark statement of an Empath who lacks unconditional love and acceptance, first of all from self.

They are at times attracted to mates who are emotionally unsophisticated, and who seem unable to treat them other than callously or abusively. Irrational though it may seem, it is the exercise of earning affection that proves to an unconfident Empath that he or she is loveable after all.

For these lost, unconfident Empaths, the way back to their truth is on the path of self-discovery and self-honesty, a journey that can sometimes take decades of repeated unhealthy behaviors.

For Empaths, the 30th birthday often brings final acceptance of their inborn gifts, the development of emotional integrity, and the will to stop the behaviors that cause them to compromise their truth.

Finally, because Empaths have the quirk of letting the negative aspects of a discussion completely wipe out the positive, it is advisable to conclude this incomplete list of traits with a mention of the Empath’s glowing, life-affirming message: Beyond all others, they are gifted with the ability to show us how to love one another.

They teach us how to love by embracing the whole of their complicated being, and loving self first. When fear and doubt are conquered and the banner of self-love flies confidently, Empaths exude the unconditional love and acceptance for every human being, teaching by sterling example the truth “Love is the Only True Power.”

As a race, we are fortunate each time an Empath leaves self-doubt behind, shrugs on the mantle of emotional integrity, and takes up the duties and joys of a confident, working Empath. This planet is still chronically short of the kind of uncritical love that true Empaths model.

Rev. Dr. Matson writes and teaches extensively about empathy, the contemplative arts, modern spirituality and mysticism. You can receive free excerpts from her new book 7 Mysteries: Contemplative Arts For The Modern Mystic right in your email box simply by sending an email to: ca@vetl.org. Click here to sign up for a free email seminar on the contemplative arts.

Popularity: 12% [?]

After the 7/11 Mumbai Blasts, there are a LOT of angry people out there talking about revenge and retaliation. Why do I think this is not going to help?

First, revenge and violence is easy - it’s the coward’s way!

If you want revenge, and need some place to vent your anger (without taking it out on more innocents) join the army and ask them to post you to the border. If you want to be a true hero, and be martyred, that’s where you’re needed.

So go - use your anger where it will make a difference. Only cowards talk of revenge, destroy public property, start riots and harm innocent people.

Terrorists are cowards. Their only aim is to stir up more hatred and create the potential for more violence. If you give in to hate, you’ve let them win. If you want to sink to their level, follow their lead.

Why do so few people advocate restraint and self-control? Because it’s hard! Restraint takes courage.

I’m proud of the Indian government for not reacting like the US government did. I know that when the time comes to act they WILL respond - and no one will blame us for doing so.

I believe in karma. What goes around comes around. Terrorists and people who do bad things will get what’s coming to them either in this life or the next. It’s not up to you or me to judge or punish them.

Trust in the wisdom of the universe and the fact that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Accept that this may be one of those times.

People who are discontent become terrorists. If you want to prevent terrorism, help those who are unhappy improve their lives. Join your mohalla committee or work in your community to help people who are disadvantaged.

If you REALLY want to make a difference, you need go no further than your own home and community. That’s where real change starts.

If you want to use your anger for something positive, help those who have been working against communal violence since the 1993 riots. Or join organisations like AGNI, that have been working to improve the lives of Mumbaikars for years.

I don’t understand people who advocate violence. History has proved that violence never solves problems, only creates more of them.

You may not believe in what Gandhi said, but if you respect a person for what he achieves, at least respect the fact that he, almost single-handedly, united Indians and freed a country. If that’s not an achievement, what is?

Instead of advocating revenge, violence and retaliation, try to achieve a 1000th of what Gandhi did for India. And I will call you a true hero!

Tags: terrorism, mumbai blasts

Popularity: 10% [?]

Click on the image above to Light a Candle for those who were killed or injured in Mumbai’s bomb blasts.

For every candle you light, CNN-IBN and Channel 7 will donate Re 1 for the relief of the victims.

Thanks to Ajay Sanghani for this link

Popularity: 6% [?]

A day after the bomb blasts in Mumbai, the city is back at work. Trains were back on track just 12 hours after seven devastating bomb blasts tore apart first class compartments and their passengers at evening peak hours.

There was no dearth of heroes among ordinary citizens, like Mr. Salunke, who was interviewed by several news channels for his role in ensuring that the injured were taken to hospitals. I was even more impressed when he insisted he was only carrying out his fundamental right.

Sadly missing in this whole scenario was much-needed leadership by Mumbai’s business barons and politicians. There was not so much as a peep out of the business leaders who use Mumbai as their base.

No words of solidarity, of condolence to the families. Not even a single initiative that could have generated goodwill for their companies.

Their well-worded platitudes on corporate social responsibility are only for the benefit of five-star seminars on corporate governance. Where are the so-called “leaders of industry” when they are needed?

Ordinary citizens became the heroes of Mumbai’s blasts yesterday, dispensing water and food to commuters stuck in traffic, lining up to donate blood, dropping people home in their cars.

Doctors and medical personnel stayed up all night at hospitals tending to the dying and injured. At least 30 Mumbai-based bloggers are collaborating on the community-based blog Mumbai Help to help the city through its latest crisis.

And the city once again showed it’s spirit by bouncing back just hours after the tragedy. The optimism and courage demonstrated by ordinary people here in times of crisis is one of the reasons why I love this city and never want to live anywhere else.

I salute Mumbai’s unsung heroes, and am glad that people like them exist. They are what makes this city truly great!

Links on the Mumbai Blasts:

Mumbai Help Blog

Mumbai Blast Resources for journalists

Bloggers posting about 7/11:
Mumbai Blasts
Desipundit
Dilip D’Souza
Metroblogging Mumbai

Tags: terrorism

Popularity: 9% [?]