Soul Kadee

A couple of days ago, I took off to watch Pirates of The Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest. Awesome, fun, must-see movie! I so love pirate stories, Capn. Jack Sparrow and Johnny Depp’s amazing ability to constantly reinvent himself.

Having some time to kill before the movie, I decided to drop in at one of my favourite places to hang out, the Oxford Bookstore at Churchgate. They have a pretty good self-help section with all my favourite authors - Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay, Cherie Huber and more.

I picked up a great little book called Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You by Daphne Rose Kingma for just Rs 150. Money well spent - it’s one of the best books I’ve read on the topic of learning to enhance your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Louise Hay said it best when she wrote that the lack of self love is at the root of ALL human problems. Her book, You Can Heal Your Life, is required reading for those who’ve experienced childhood trauma or had their self-esteem decimated because of painful life circumstances.

Having experienced both, her advice helped me look at my life from a completely new perspective. In the last few years, I came to realise that “loving myself was the greatest work I would do in this life.”

I found and used techniques to help me remove limiting beliefs that were preventing me from accepting and loving myself unconditionally. In the process, I healed a lot of my scars, and found a new self-assurance and confidence in my abilities.

I learned to value myself more, and know that I deserve the best life has to offer. I learned that I can give of myself without having to tolerate disrespectful behaviour in any relationship or situation. I learned to be my own best friend, to stop criticising myself for my mistakes and take good care of my own feelings first.

Healthy self love is not narcissism, which is really a lack of self-esteem masquerading as over-confidence. Narcissists are unable to love anyone else - they are in love with an image of themselves. If you were really a narcissist, you wouldn’t lack self love, because what they really lack is empathy and remorse.

As Kingma notes in Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You, healthy self-love not only contributes to better relationships and personal achievements, but enhances the ability to be compassionate and generous toward others. Her four recommendations for overcoming patterns of self-criticism and moving toward self-acceptance include:

• Mastering the ability to speak out honestly
• Taking actions that lead to growth
• Carving out one’s own emotional space without others’ interference, and
• Focusing on a path beyond the self, via spiritual or other pursuits.

To that list, I’d also add learning to -

• Forgive yourself and others
• Exercise self-discipline
• Become self-aware, and
• Achieve personal mastery

I found spiritual practices like meditation, yoga, and Tai Chi very helpful to me personally, but joining a gym, going to church, community service, or any other spiritual and physical practice may work just as well for you.

Learning how others have done it before can help, but you have to find what works for you personally. The key is to work towards your goals consistently, and with determination. Don’t expect quick results. Any process of change takes time and effort.

I wish you well on your own journey of self-love. Do share your own experiences and what has worked for you.

Popularity: 11% [?]