Will try to lay my hands on both the books you spoke of.

Incidentally I’m reading a great one right now - ‘The Seven Levels Of Intimacy’ - by Mathew Kelly.

Take care.

Warm regards

Corinne

Here’s what i wrote:

“I didn’t like the title of this book at first, and I still think it’s misleading, because what Sherry Argov means by the word “bitch” is a confident, self-assured, independent woman who knows how to get her own needs met. There’s nothing even remotely “bitchy” about that. But I do recommend this book if you need to understand what it takes to overcome codependence, stop acting clingy and get the respect you deserve in a relationship.”

I also came to realise that, by the word “bitch”, the author means women who have healthy boundaries, who take care of themselves and know what they will and will not tolerate.

Caretakers are “people-pleasers” who consider other people’s needs more important than their own, or derive their self-worth by taking care of others. When you look to something or someone OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF to take care of your needs, you’ll always be unhappy.

Another book you’ll find very useful is “Inner Bonding” by Margaret Paul. You’ll find the links to both these books here. http://www.soulkadee.com/2006/08/02/stupid-mistake-2-being-too-dependent-on-a-man/

 

I wish it was that easy to know these things

When it comes to ourselves, we always have a blind spot that others can see so easily. The best ones to ask this question would be your old ex-boyfriends. They are the ones who saw it very clearly, unless of course they aren’t sure themselves.

My instincts tell me that by giving “unconditional love” you essentially take on the caretaker role in the relationship. When a woman becomes a caretaker, she’s essentially telling her man that she’s his mother.

So your caretaking behaviours (which you call unconditional love) is actually killing off attraction rather than making him love you more. Well he probably loves you anyway, but he won’t feel attracted to you as a girlfriend.

If you want a man to be attracted to you, the person you need to start giving unconditional love to is YOURSELF. Men love a woman who loves herself and takes care of herself because she doesn’t depend on him to feel good about herself and has so much more to give to the relationship.

I recommend you read the book “Why Men Love Bitches.” You’ll find my review of it on this blog.

As always your posts/ blogs make me think. I too have come to this realisation sometime back, that I keep attracting men in my life that cannot seem to commit to me. And without meaning to boast, I know I’m great at loving unconditionally. Infact the first person one of my ex-boyfriends will call when he is low is ‘good old’ me. So I often wonder why, when they have nothing but good stuff to say about me, they find it so hard to commit to a ‘relationship’ with me. It’s always you’re so wonderful…but

I realised it was a problem within me. What it is I am still to put a finger on…and what steps I need to take to get out of this cycle is another question.
Any ideas?

Corinne

I will be writing a post on the importance of trusting your intuition soon. And thanks for adding to my reading list (which is already pretty huge). I think I’m going to pick up Brian Weiss’s books next.

I read Many Lives Many Masters a few days ago. And Ive had similar realisations since then. There are a whole lot of poeple that Ive met and i just know it that Ive got some vague connection with them. I cant define it, but I can feel it. And after reading this book, i am begining to wonder if they are my soulmates!

Also, I completely agree that we must let our intution lead the way of trust for us. We often fet this feeling of something is not going right, yet we choose to ignore cause we doubt ourselves of over thinking. Ive learnt from my experiences that we must choose to believe ourselves first, and then go around believing the rest.

i think I will be a regular visitor here from now on:-)

this entry really clicked with me, I recognised my daughter’s father as someone who was to be an integral part of my life at some point. I thought early on that it meant we’d end up as committed partners (perhaps married) instead he’s brought much pain. His role, I’m seeing now, was to help bring the amazing soul that is our daughter into this world. My one and only miracle child. I guess I was a bit confused, as my soulmates up until that point had been siblings and my maternal grandmother. He and I are a lot alike and it was something I recognised but he’s not willing to work and evolve with what’s been presented to him in this lifetime. So when you described seeing their higher selves I could relate completely.

I’m a bit of a talker by the way..lol

http://rachelsodyssey.blogspot.com/2006/08/sabotauged-by-ego_14.html

i’m going to check out the links you posted for higher self.

thanks!