Soulmate, Meet My Higher Self
August 14th, 2006, 7:04 am by Priya Florence Shah
Filed under Attraction, Self-Awareness, Ecology, Happiness, Empathy, Healing, Law Of Attraction, Love, Self-Love, Self Help, My Life, India, Spirituality, Relationships, Self-Improvement, Attitude, Personal Growth, Experiences, Books, Thoughts
Last night, I had a few insights involving my relationships with people I’ve attracted in this lifetime.
As I tossed and turned in my bed, trying vainly to get some shut eye, I realised the reason I was attracted to certain people was that I was able to see them at the level of their soul - their higher self.
When we’re in a non-judgmental, or empathic, frame of mind (and when I’m not beating myself up, I usually am) we see a person for who they truly are, rather than the persona they present to the outside world.
The ability to be non-judgmental had a downside for me. It often made me blind to personality flaws and dysfunctional behaviour in the people I attracted. I remember telling myself to give them the benefit of the doubt, even when I noticed something amiss.
My naive, gullible nature often frustrated my husband, especially on the occasions I ended up hurt and disillusioned when people didn’t behave the way I expected them to. It was one of the many flaws I had to take responsibility for resolving in this lifetime.
It also made me realise the value of trusting my intuition, instead of explaining away dysfunctional behaviour with logic and rational thinking. I learned to listen to that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and sense of fatigue - signals that warn me when something or someone is not right for me.
Some of my relationships ended well. Some didn’t. I think of them as “collateral damage” (an overused term among those seeking to justify their wrongdoings). When my relationships ended badly, it was usually because I was acting from ego and fear at the time.
It would be ideal if everyone acted from their higher selves all the time. But that’s only possible in an ideal world. Most of the time we let our fears - of inadequacy, of failure, of being unlovable - overcome the ability to act from our Higher self, to act from love.
We encounter many soulmates in each life, as friends, acquaintances or lovers. Many of them come to us with personality flaws or dysfunctional behaviour that makes them incompatible as mates.
These flaws have a purpose. They’re meant to trigger those very fears that we decided to overcome before we made our earthly sojourn.
If we overcome our fears, we reach a higher level of existence. If we don’t, we keep attracting the same sort of people into our lives, living out the same patterns of abuse, until we’re ready to face our fears and learn our lessons.
Note: If this past life stuff is all ancient hocus pocus to you, I suggest you amble on over to the Heal Past Lives site and subscribe to the free Clear Your Karma course. Even if you don’t believe in reincarnation, it’ll make for some interesting reading.
It’s up to us to attract the soulmate that we’re most compatible with on the personality level. We can only do that by aligning with our Higher selves.
And that’s exactly what I plan to do - go “back to school” to get in touch with my higher self and align with my life purpose. It doesn’t matter that the “school” is a search engine and my assignments involve incessant reading and ruminating over my personality defects.
As for my past loves, I’d like to keep my rose-coloured glasses on and remember them the way I first saw them - as shining, pure souls with an immense capacity to give and receive love. The way they were before their earthly experiences made them disconnect from their higher selves.
These insights didn’t come to me out of nowhere. Some are courtesy Love By Design, an ebook that shows you how to align yourself to attract the soulmate you are most compatible with in this lifetime, or to fit better with the one you are with.
As relationship books go, Love By Design is a breath of fresh air, because it has none of those stupid tricks and (yawn!) seduction techniques that other books in this genre tend to focus on.
Of course, the aligning part takes time and effort, but no one said it was easy. And the results should be more than worth it, don’t you think?
Recommended Reading:
Cherie Carter-Scott’s Rules Of Life
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood, said Helen Keller. Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott’s Rules of Life, also known as ‘The Ten Rules For Being Human’, are a map for understanding and pursuing personal development, and for helping others to understand and develop too.
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rachel said,
August 14th, 2006, 5:08 pm
i found this so interesting as i go through the same thing! in fact, i posted a lengthy entry on my blog in response and how it applies to myself.
http://rachelsodyssey.blogspot.com/2006/08/sabotauged-by-ego_14.html
i’m going to check out the links you posted for higher self.
thanks!
Stephanie said,
August 14th, 2006, 10:50 pm
I am more thankful with each visit I make here that I went to poke through my spam karma to make sure legitimate comments were not getting added in there. Your comment managed to end up there for some reason. I’d never have found your weblog, something that has been insightful and extremely helpful in this stage of my life.
this entry really clicked with me, I recognised my daughter’s father as someone who was to be an integral part of my life at some point. I thought early on that it meant we’d end up as committed partners (perhaps married) instead he’s brought much pain. His role, I’m seeing now, was to help bring the amazing soul that is our daughter into this world. My one and only miracle child. I guess I was a bit confused, as my soulmates up until that point had been siblings and my maternal grandmother. He and I are a lot alike and it was something I recognised but he’s not willing to work and evolve with what’s been presented to him in this lifetime. So when you described seeing their higher selves I could relate completely.
I’m a bit of a talker by the way..lol
Priya Florence Shah said,
August 14th, 2006, 10:55 pm
Talk away, Steph. Always good to get feedback.
So glad this post helped you.
Shelly Jain said,
August 15th, 2006, 3:14 pm
Hi Priya,
I read Many Lives Many Masters a few days ago. And Ive had similar realisations since then. There are a whole lot of poeple that Ive met and i just know it that Ive got some vague connection with them. I cant define it, but I can feel it. And after reading this book, i am begining to wonder if they are my soulmates!
Also, I completely agree that we must let our intution lead the way of trust for us. We often fet this feeling of something is not going right, yet we choose to ignore cause we doubt ourselves of over thinking. Ive learnt from my experiences that we must choose to believe ourselves first, and then go around believing the rest.
i think I will be a regular visitor here from now on:-)
Priya Florence Shah said,
August 15th, 2006, 3:26 pm
Hi Shelly. Thanks for the comments.
I will be writing a post on the importance of trusting your intuition soon. And thanks for adding to my reading list (which is already pretty huge). I think I’m going to pick up Brian Weiss’s books next.
Corinne said,
August 19th, 2006, 12:26 pm
Dear Priya
As always your posts/ blogs make me think. I too have come to this realisation sometime back, that I keep attracting men in my life that cannot seem to commit to me. And without meaning to boast, I know I’m great at loving unconditionally. Infact the first person one of my ex-boyfriends will call when he is low is ‘good old’ me. So I often wonder why, when they have nothing but good stuff to say about me, they find it so hard to commit to a ‘relationship’ with me. It’s always you’re so wonderful…but
I realised it was a problem within me. What it is I am still to put a finger on…and what steps I need to take to get out of this cycle is another question.
Any ideas?
Corinne
Priya Florence Shah said,
August 19th, 2006, 1:58 pm
Dear Corinne,
I wish it was that easy to know these things
When it comes to ourselves, we always have a blind spot that others can see so easily. The best ones to ask this question would be your old ex-boyfriends. They are the ones who saw it very clearly, unless of course they aren’t sure themselves.
My instincts tell me that by giving “unconditional love” you essentially take on the caretaker role in the relationship. When a woman becomes a caretaker, she’s essentially telling her man that she’s his mother.
So your caretaking behaviours (which you call unconditional love) is actually killing off attraction rather than making him love you more. Well he probably loves you anyway, but he won’t feel attracted to you as a girlfriend.
If you want a man to be attracted to you, the person you need to start giving unconditional love to is YOURSELF. Men love a woman who loves herself and takes care of herself because she doesn’t depend on him to feel good about herself and has so much more to give to the relationship.
I recommend you read the book “Why Men Love Bitches.” You’ll find my review of it on this blog.
Priya Florence Shah said,
August 19th, 2006, 2:46 pm
Found it.
Here’s what i wrote:
“I didn’t like the title of this book at first, and I still think it’s misleading, because what Sherry Argov means by the word “bitch†is a confident, self-assured, independent woman who knows how to get her own needs met. There’s nothing even remotely “bitchy†about that. But I do recommend this book if you need to understand what it takes to overcome codependence, stop acting clingy and get the respect you deserve in a relationship.”
I also came to realise that, by the word “bitch”, the author means women who have healthy boundaries, who take care of themselves and know what they will and will not tolerate.
Caretakers are “people-pleasers” who consider other people’s needs more important than their own, or derive their self-worth by taking care of others. When you look to something or someone OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF to take care of your needs, you’ll always be unhappy.
Another book you’ll find very useful is “Inner Bonding” by Margaret Paul. You’ll find the links to both these books here. http://www.soulkadee.com/2006/08/02/stupid-mistake-2-being-too-dependent-on-a-man/
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Corinne said,
August 19th, 2006, 3:42 pm
Dear Priya
Great stuff ! Thanks. You’re very right!! I have actually been working on this part of myself of late - but miles to go …….
Will try to lay my hands on both the books you spoke of.
Incidentally I’m reading a great one right now - ‘The Seven Levels Of Intimacy’ - by Mathew Kelly.
Take care.
Warm regards
Corinne