Soul Kadee

In between stocking up on sunscreen, packing suitcases and drying my daughter’s tears over her missing ducky swimsuit, I just thought I’d share with you a lovely post from my friend, Gopal, before I leave for my vacation in Goa.

It has so many ways to improve your life, many of which I’ve learned only in recent years. And I hope it gets your New Year off to a great start!

1. Never put yourself last.
2. When you extend a helping hand to one person, be careful not to kick someone else in the teeth.
3. Always own a pair of old, faded jeans.
4. Count your blessings every day.
5. Acknowledge your successes along with your downfalls.
6. Burn the candle that has been in storage for the last two years.
7. Strive for progress, not perfection.
8. Remember, the voice telling you that you cannot do something is always lying.
9. At least once a day sit and do nothing.
10. Don’t close your heart so tightly against life’s pain that you shut out life’s blessings.
11. Celebrate all your birthdays no matter how old you get.
12. Examine your life for limitations and ask yourself why you put them there.
13. Plant a tree, pull weeds, or get your hands dirty.
14. Diminish your wants instead of increasing your needs.
15. Cry when you feel like it.
16. Rejoice in other people’s triumphs.
17. Don’t wait for someone else to laugh or express joy.
18. Forgive yourself for any mistake you make, no matter how big or small.
19. Keep good company.
20. Never take a pill for a pain you need to feel.
21. Use your enthusiasm to put yourself in forward gear and give yourself a spark to move ahead.
22. Look in the eyes of the ones you love when you are talking to them.
23. Remember that one is a whole number.
24. Walk in a summer rain shower without an umbrella.
25. Do a kind deed for someone else.
26. Keep your eyes and ears open to get the messages you need from people and events in your daily life.
27. Be patient.
28. Eat something green.
29. Change what you can and leave the rest alone.
30. Walk hand and hand with truth.
31. Make laughter and joy a greater part of your life than anger and grief.
32. Embrace solitude instead of running from it.
33. Be zealous, not jealous.
34. Forgive anyone you’ve been holding a grudge against.
35. Slow down and enjoy the present.
36. Walk in others’ shoes before judging them.
37. Send yourself a kind message.
38. Remind yourself that the company you keep is a reflection of what you think of yourself.
39. Go on a picnic.
40. Accept your fears, no matter how crazy they seem.
41. Don’t let other people’s opinions shape who you are.
42. Say a prayer.
43. Never attribute your accomplishments to luck or chance.
44. Know when to say no.
45. Look at the positive side of negative situation.
46. Remember that you are a spiritual being in a physical body.
47. Avoid seeking out other people for constant approval, because it makes them the master and you the slave.
48. Go fly a kite.
49. Avoid fads and bandwagons.
50. Accept the things you cannot change.
51. Look inside instead of outside yourself for answers to life’s problems.
52. Remember that all feelings are okay.
53. Shield yourself from bad influences.
54. Stand up for what you believe in.
55. Respect the wishes of others when they say no.
56. Seize every moment and live it fully.
57. Give away or sell anything you haven’t used in the past five years.
58. Never downgrade yourself.
59. Take responsibility for what you think, feel and do.
60. Pamper yourself.
61. Never say or do anything abusive to a child.
62. Let yourself be God powered instead of flying solo.
63. Volunteer to help someone in need.
64. Refrain from overindulging in food, drink and work.
65. Finish unfinished business.
66. Be spontaneous.
67. Find a constructive outlet for your anger.
68. Think about abundance instead of lack, because whatever you think
about expands.
69. Think of yourself as the creator of your life, not a victim of circumstances.
70. Cuddle an animal.
71. Be open to life.
72. See success as something you already have, not something you must attain.
73. Experience the splendor and awe of a sunset.
74. When you score a base hit, don’t wish it were a home run.
75. Learn to be in the present moment.
76. Instead of believing in miracles, depend on them.
77. Take a child to the circus.
78. Change your attitude and your whole life will change.
79. Never turn your power over to another person.
80. When your heart is at odds with your head, follow your heart.
81. Always remember that the past is gone forever and the future never comes.
82. Live your life according to what is right for you.
83. Acknowledge your imperfections.
84. Plant a tree and watch it grow.
85. See “friend” instead of “enemy” on the face of strangers.
86. Watch an army of ants build their houses and cities and carry food ten times their weight.
87. Believe in something bigger than yourself.
88. Let the playful child within you come out.
89. Make haste slowly.
90. Work through your problems step by step and one day at a time.
91. Accept compliments from others so you can see the truth about yourself.
92. Sit on the lawn without worrying about grass stains.
93. Don’t condemn yourself for your imperfections.
94. Do a humility check periodically by loving the truth about yourself.
95. Tell someone you appreciate them.
96. Never live your life according to what is right for someone else.
97. Talk less and listen more.
98. Admit your wrongdoing and forgive yourself for it.
99. Thrive on inner peace instead of on crises.
100. Affirm all the good things about yourself.
101. Give your loved one a friendly massage.
102. Give all your friends a hug as soon as possible

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2007!

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I just read this commentary on being Single and Satisfied by Sherry Obenauer M.Ed., M.A. Especially liked the part below:

…being single can be a life-saving, rejuvenating experience. In fact, one can’t truly be successful in a relationship without being single for a time. Being single allows us to do what we want, when we want, and with whom we want without having to answer to anyone. Being single allows us to take full responsibility for paying our bills, cleaning and decorating, cooking our meals, planning our activities, and entertaining ourselves.

It allows us the time to sit in quiet solitude, to run naked around the living room, to belch as loud as we want, and secretly watch shows that no one else would actually ever admit to watching. This is because we have more time on our hands and are not avoiding looking at ourselves by focusing our energies on someone else.

Basically, being single affords each of us the opportunity to discover who we are, what we do and don’t like, how we deal with things, what we want out of life, what our expectations are, what our potentials and limitations are, what energizes and empowers us, and what discourages and disappoints us.

The goal of being alone should not be to prepare us for couplehood. Rather, the goal of being single should be to learn to fulfill ourselves, to meet our needs, and to develop as a human being regardless of whether or not we choose to enter into a relationship.

By learning to love and care for ourselves, we diminish the risk of starving for someone else to fill the void within our souls; a void that only we can truly fill. The purpose of entering into a relationship should be to share oneself with another person as opposed to trying to get from someone what is lacking in ourselves. Expecting someone else to fill in the gaps usually results in grave disappointments , a sense of failure, and endless resentment.

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Amy Waterman, who owns the membership site, How To Be Irresistible To Men, just wrote a very insightful article on the Ten Reasons Why Dating Is Better After 30. Here’s her article, along with my comments on each of the points she makes.

10. You don’t have to worry about sneaking home at night and waking your parents.

One of the best things about dating when you’re in your thirties is that you are responsible for yourself. You can stay up late, invite him to your house for a nightcap, or stay over at his house without guilt. It’s your decision, because it’s your life.

This does apply to people in developed countries like the USA and UK. But in developing countries like India, privacy is almost non-existent, except if you live alone or with flatmates. Otherwise most single women (and men) choose to live with their parents well into their 30s, and even after marriage. The prevalence of joint/extended families also makes it difficult for people here to have their own lives. But it’s not all bad. Because at the end of the day it feels good to have the love and support of people who care about your welfare and safety. That’s something sorely lacking in the developed world.

9. You can afford nicer restaurants than McDonald’s.

I still remember my first date. We shared a strawberry milkshake at McDonald’s, and I was so starry-eyed with infatuation that anything would have tasted like ambrosia. Fortunately, my dinner dates these days are much healthier and better suited to romance.

I associate MacDonalds only with Happy Meals, lousy food, and a child-friendly place where I can feed my brat without having to tear my hair in frustration. I’m the kind of person who loves to treat myself to a dinner date, and enjoy my own company while I watch the world go by. For first meetings I prefer a crowded, less intimate place like a coffee shop. Haven’t yet found a nice man to go on a dinner date with.

8. You’re into something more than getting trashed on weekends.

By the time most of us reach our thirties, the novelty of getting drunk every weekend has usually worn off. Curling up next to one another on the sofa and watching a movie can feel just as pleasurable as clubbing until dawn.

Hmm, I know people who enjoy getting trashed well after their 30s. But I rarely associate with these types, since I choose not to drink, smoke or abuse my body in any way. And yes, I’d opt for a quiet dinner or watching a funny movie on TV, to a smoky, noisy pub anyday!

7. You know a bit more about life and love.

One of the scariest things about dating when you’re a teenager is starting out from a state of ignorance. We’re not born knowing how it all works. As exciting as it feels to kiss a boy for the first time, that heady hormonal rush is tempered by anxiety. Very few people get through their early dating years without feeling paralyzed by a horrible fear of messing up. That’s why it’s so nice to have enough experience to be realistic about the whole process: dating can be disappointing, exciting, embarrassing, and exhilarating - sometimes all at the same time!

I guess, I do know a LOT more about love and life today, but then I never really “dated”, because I met and fell in love with the man I married when I was 16. So for me, getting back into the dating scene in my 30s was every bit as scary and new as when I was 16. I’ve had my share of disappointments and heartbreak, but I’m more confident and secure than I was in my 20s. The main thing that’s different for me is that the men I end up dating are often from widely different age groups, ranging from those in their late 20s to those in their 50s.

6. You no longer put up with the bullshit.

By the time you reach your thirties, you’ve gained a little wisdom when it comes to relationships. You can call a spade a spade. You value yourself enough to say “no” to a bad situation.

So true!! But this only applies if you’re secure in yourself, realistic about love and relationships, and don’t feel pressured into settling down with the first person you meet. A lot of women who have never been married, become so desperate to tie the knot once they reach their 30s, that it severely impairs their judgement when it comes to choosing a partner, and they’re willing to settle for less than they deserve.

5. You can play the “Mrs. Robinson” card.

If it’s good enough for Demi Moore, it’s good enough for us! There’s nothing more fun than being the naughty “older” woman. You may even find that a lot of younger men are dreaming of a Mrs. Robinson to initiate them into the ways of love.

I used to have a “thing” for older men, because I find them more confident, secure, patient and better informed than most younger men. They’re also more settled in their careers and understand the importance of spending time with a partner. What I dislike about them is that they tend to be jaded and cynical about love. They also lack the sense of adventure that younger men have. Besides, what younger men lack in experience, they compensate for in energy and enthusiasm. I’m not into the “initiating” bit, though. I prefer men who are experienced in the ways of love. I think you can have a lot of fun with a younger man, as long as you don’t have too many expectations from such a relationship, or decide to just remain friends. Settling down with one would require a great deal more adjustment.

4. Your relationship has a greater chance of lasting.

Compared with couples who marry as teenagers or in their early twenties, your relationship will stand a greater chance of lasting if you wait to marry until AT LEAST your mid-twenties. This makes sense intuitively as well as statistically. When you marry at an older age, you know yourself better. You know what you can live with. You are both more financially stable. You’ve had enough dating experience to build some relationship skills.

Usually, working women will have achieved some degree of career success and financial security in their 20s, to allow them to slow down and enjoy marriage and motherhood in their 30s. Those who get married in their 20s are often unprepared for the amount of adjustment they have to make when the kids come along. The best time to get married and have kids is when you’re older, wiser, financially secure and know what you want from yourself and your partner.

3. The sex is better.

Whereas the male sex drive peaks in his late teens, the female sex drive is only revving up. Women hit their stride in their thirties, a period that often coincides with a greater body acceptance and a more relaxed attitude towards what happens in bed.

Oh, definitely!! In your 30s, you’ve been there, done that, as far as sex is concerned. Especially if you’ve been married or in a long-term relationship. Sex is no longer that hurried, frantic activity you have to finish before the kids wake up. You now enjoy taking things slow, and are able to appreciate the spiritual and emotional connection that comes with a relationship much more than when you were just beginning to explore your sexuality.

2. You can see what you’re getting with him.

When you’re dating in your teens and twenties, the energy and ambition of youth makes it difficult to clearly see who your partner will actually turn out to be. The young man who goes to Stanford for a business degree may drop out to flip burgers and play in a band. The local jock may become the paunchy middle manager whose idea of flexing his arm muscles is lifting a beer glass. Luckily, by the time a man reaches his thirties, his lifestyle choices will give you a good indication of where he sees himself going in life.

True. Its good to be with someone who has a sense of purpose and direction. But not all men in their 30s have that sense of security. With downsizing, lay-offs and people changing careers mid-stream, women need to be financially independent, so that they have to don’t depend on a man to take care of them. Being comfortable with the uncertanity of life is also a good skill to learn no matter how old you are.

1. You’ve got more going on in your life than him.

Yes, for me the best part about being 30+ is that life is so much fuller, richer, and more satisfying than ever before. Whether you have a relationship or not, you’ve created a life that you can be proud of. You no longer depend on a man for your sense of self-worth. Dating is part of your life but not everything. As a result, relationships become something wonderful to be valued when you have them, but not despaired over when you don’t.

I agree completely! Especially with the last statement. Once you have a full life, you can enjoy your relationships as an experience to cherish and learn from, rather than a goal to work towards.

Click here for more of Amy’s dating tips and relationship advice.

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