Soul Kadee

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

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What do mind power masters and quantum physicists have in common? They both know that our observation and perspective frames our reality.

Werner Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle demonstrated that on a subatomic level, the observer, by the choices he made, influenced the outcome of a physics experiment.

For the first time it was recognized that the observer and the act of observing were inseparable from what was observed.

What is “out there,” as incredible as it seems, depends upon our judgments, beliefs, viewpoints and perspectives. We project our reality as much as we experience it.

So if your outer world is merely a reflection of your inner world, does what you think and believe actually create your reality? Indeed, it does!

We know that thoughts are vibrations or energy and that negative thought patterns create a negative outcome, while positive thought patterns create a positive outcome. As the article here states:

Everything in the universe has a unique vibrational energy. Every object, every being, every thought, every action. Your physical body in its healthy state has a specific rate of vibration. When you are sick your vibrational rate changes and you are no longer in balance with your true nature.

Your thoughts vibrate at their own rate. A positive thought makes you feel better than a negative thought. That good feeling is the result of a change in vibrations. You may not feel the changes as vibrations, you simply feel better.

Alternative healers and practitioners of Energy Medicine have long known that negative or limiting beliefs can make us ill, and that changing our interpretation of our experiences can actually change our reality.

There’s a rational reason why complainers and pessimists only attract more misery, and why a positive attitude and optimistic outlook on life can improve a health condition, create prosperity and literally transform your existence. As the site here states so beautifully,

You are a causality of your beliefs and fears. Whatever you believe, you become. Whatever you fear, you manifest. You need to know and practice being true to yourself in order to reach your full potential.

Consciousness is the reality of your universe. You chose your reality from within fundamental truth or misconceptions. Your external being or personality is constructed by your inner life and spiritual standards. Disease and suffering are manifestations of your inner ill being.

In contrast, you possess the ability to invoke healing or elimination of all pain and suffering by your inner well-being. The key is to focus on each limitation one by one, in a focused sequential manner.

In healing my own health condition (lupus), which traditional medicine describes as incurable, I turned to a number of alternative healing methods and tools.

It was Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, that first introduced me to the link between thought patterns and disease. I highly recommend it if you have a health condition that you need to heal.

My friend, Leo Velloz, then introduced me to meditation as a tool to heal my body and mind. You can contact him at Holistic Studio.

I’ve also been learning Reiki and Tai chi and have just started reading Quantum-Touch: The Power to Heal, which is supposed to be even more powerful. All these methods work on the same principle to clear energy channels for the creative flow of life and to restore healthy balance.

A few days ago, I came across a website called the Healing Codes. It’s principles seem to be based on pretty much the same ideas above, but it promotes a powerful healing technique that claims to take just 8 minutes to heal illness. If you’re in the healing profession, you should definitely listen to the free Healing Codes teleseminar here.

Did this post help you? Do write in and let me know.

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There’s a Hole In My Soul
That’s been killing me forever
It’s a place where a garden never grows
There’s a Hole In My Soul
Yeah, I should have known better
‘Cause your love’s like a thorn without a rose
from Hole In My Soul by Aerosmith

One of the reasons I stopped writing about codependence is because I’ve consciously chosen not to focus on it anymore. I know that “what you focus on grows”, and that the most important step to changing any behaviour is self-awareness and self-acceptance.

But I’ve also come to realise that, most people are addicts, in one way or another. And that addiction is not a physical or a psychological disease, but a disconnection from Source energy (God, the Force, a Higher Power) and from our Higher Selves.

When we’re disconnected from our higher selves (the source of love and higher emotions), we look for something outside of ourselves to fill that hole in our soul. This attachment or craving (not desire, as is popularly believed) is also noted in Buddhism as the cause of suffering.

And so we turn to people, relationships, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, meditation, prayer, caffeine, cigarettes, television, music, work, exercise, shopping, gambling, internet usage, pornography and other ways to bliss out, just so that we don’t have to face the fact that we’ve disconnected from our life path and from the purpose that we came here to fulfil.

That’s why all programs for recovery from addiction, like the 12-step program, mandate a reconnection with a Higher Power as essential for recovery.

But, you might say, almost all of the things I’ve listed above (barring TV, internet, pornography and stimulants) are necessary for existence. So how do you know when something becomes an addiction?

The easiest way to know this is to CHECK YOUR INTENTIONS. Be honest with yourself about why you believe you need it. If TV is merely a distraction, if you use food only to nourish your body, if you turn to people and relationships merely to stay connected, you are most likely not addicted to these things.

Another way to test if you’re addicted to something is to GO WITHOUT IT. If you can easily do without it for a while, especially under stressful circumstances, you are most likely not addicted.

But if you compulsively do any of the following - overeat, get drunk, smoke, gamble, take drugs, cling to relationships and people, exercise too much, watch too much p0rn or do anything to bliss out - you may be using it to fill that hole in your soul, to mask your disconnection from the true nature of your being.

If that’s so, then you need to rediscover your life purpose and reconnect with Source, by doing the psychological and spiritual work you need to become whole again. Some of the attitudes that helped me heal are:

• Self-awareness: Becoming an observer of my emotions and reactions
• Self-love: Knowing that I am worthy of love, that it has to come from within me. Learning how to develop high self-esteem and stronger boundaries.
• Self-acceptance: Learning to accept my flaws and forgive myself for my mistakes.
• Detachment: Detaching from a situation so I can respond appropriately.
• Overcoming my fears: Learning to act from Love (Higher Self) rather than Fear (Ego)

Check out these resources on dealing with addiction and connecting to higher self.

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One of the best books I’ve read in recent times, is Marie Forleo’s rather misleadingly titled “Make Every Man Want You (or Make Yours Want You More).” In fact, it’s so good I read it twice.

In her honest, funny and refreshingly candid way, Marie, a world-renowned life coach and fitness personality, tells you how to become so damn irresistible, you’ll barely keep from dating yourself.

But don’t let the catchy title fool you, because it’s more a self-help book than a relationship book. And by being “irresistible”, Marie doesn’t just mean looking good, but being the best person you can be.

As one reviewer notes, her advice almost reads like the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism, as she explains how women sabotage a good relationship, simply because of unattractive habits and false beliefs about men and love:

Her “Time-Tested Truths” from Chapter 3 are:

1. A Relationship Will Not Save You
2. Relationships Are Spiritual Opportunities, Not a Needs Exchange
3. Life Is Now: This Is It!
4. Men Are As-Is Merchandise or Love ‘Em or Leave ‘Em, Baby!
5. If You Want Guarantees In Love, You Don’t Want Love

But it’s the last point here that really got me thinking. Most women go looking for love with an eye on the goal - commitment or marriage. But, in love there ARE no guarantees! And although we make lists of things we want in a man, no one can truly guarantee that the man you fall in love with will be anything like the one you imagine.

Because being in love means having to surrender completely, to be vulnerable to hurt, to pain, to heartache. It means being willing to live with uncertainty, with change, and loss. With the possibility that your feelings may never be reciprocated, or that you may lose the thing you cherish most.

It means facing your deepest fears, and doing the thing you fear most. It means being authentic, being willing to face rejection, giving up expectations of another person “meeting your needs”.

It means being willing to live in the moment, and accepting that it’s all we really have. And sometimes, it means being willing to let go of the relationship, if that’s what it takes, to keep the love you share.

After I lost my husband and companion of 18 years, I honestly began to wonder if it was all worth it. I asked myself, if I had to fall in love, be vulnerable, experience all the pain and the tears I experienced with and without him, would I do it all over again. And the answer most definitely is, yes!

Because there’s no life without love. Without the sharing, and the laughter, the precious moments we cherish more than money, success and achievement. And yes, there’s no love without the pain, conflict and loss that are part of any relationship.

If you want a relationship that has to be defined in words, or boundaries, or legalese. If you demand guarantees, if you can’t be happy just living in the moment and enjoying the person you’re with, it’s not love you’re looking for, but acceptance - from yourself, from family, friends and society.

Love may not be enough to make a marriage work. But it sure as hell makes life worth living.

Recommended Resources:

Make Every Man Want You More with Marie Forleo and Amy Waterman

This is a course for real women, women with minds and intellects, women who want to attract men without compromising their integrity. Marie and Amy have cleverly incorporated the concept of “living in the moment” or “living in the now” into their course.

Authors and thinkers from Eckhart Tolle to Wayne Dyer have discussed this concept widely, and now Marie and Amy have taken this concept and applied it to the dating world. Marie tell us how your irresistibility lies in this moment, because this is where life happens. It’s not about aiming towards creating happiness in your future; it is about making it happen in this moment. This is a course that teaches the philosophy of being fully engaged in your life, being fully awake, and conscious.

This course is a refreshing look at attracting men because it doesn’t start by trying to “fix” you. It doesn’t assume you are “broken,” but asks you to acknowledge your past, but not to be defined by it. Every moment you are in is said to be brand new, has never happened before, and will never happen again.

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If you’ve ever travelled by airplane (and I’m sure most of you have), you’ll know that there’s a good reason why the stewardess instructs you to first put on your own oxygen mask, before helping the passenger next to you. Its because you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Yet, a lot of us women forget this essential truth, especially when we become mothers and wives. Once we have that little baby in our arms we act like we don’t matter any more, like she’s the only thing that matters. I know, I felt like that when my daughter was born.

As it happened, my late husband and I were also going through a period of financial and emotional stress at that time, so in my desire to contribute to the family finances, I started taking my internet business very seriously, spending many hours a day at the computer, often with my baby sleeping in my lap.

Like most new moms, I hardly slept or ate properly. I let myself go, allowing my own needs to come last. As a result of neglecting myself, my physical and emotional well-being suffered so badly that about four years ago I was diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus, a chronic autoimmune disease in which the immune system becomes hyperactive and attacks normal tissue.

For some reason lupus seems to be more active in women of child-bearing age, after they’ve had a baby. There is usually a genetic predisposition, which is why not all women get it. But I think the reason it manifests is because we tend to neglect our own needs after the baby is born.

My illness was a wake-up call for me. I realised that if I wanted to be around to see my daughter grow up, I better start taking good care of myself. I read humongous volumes of literature on lupus and learned how it can be controlled, even reversed, with diet, exercise, alternative therapies and a healthy lifestyle.

I started taking the best supplements (write to me if you want to know which ones), following a healthy diet, learned meditation and yoga, and became serious about losing weight and getting fit. I also dealt with my own emotional and self-esteem issues and learned to be happy and content, no matter what.

It was really my emotional and spiritual transformation that made the most difference to my health. Because ultimately the tendency to neglect ourselves, put the well-being of others before our own, and stop caring for the way we look and feel is just a manifestation of poor emotional health, false beliefs and low self-esteem.

As a lightworker, I discovered my own healing abilities. I now believe that I chose my illness so I could learn the lesson of self-love and unconditional self-acceptance in this lifetime.

Whether you subscribe to that theory or not, my new beliefs actually empowered me to make the changes I needed to make, and to realign with my life goals and vision. It also inspired me to start Naaree.com - a new portal to help women rediscover and nurture their inner beauty and strength.

Dealing with my emotional issues helped me realise that I had to love myself first, before I could love another. That I had to feel good about myself, before I could treat others with kindness and compassion. And that I had to take care of my own health and well-being, before I could take care of another person.

These realisations gave me the incentive to start working out and eating a healthier diet. I lost 24 pounds, cleared up a skin condition, and can honestly say that I look and feel many years younger than I am today.

Through holistic methods of healing, I put my lupus almost completely into remission. I avoid negative influences (TV, news, gossip, pessimists, complainers) and choose to associate myself only with positive people and influences.

I invested in better clothes, manicures and pedicures, waxes, massages, good makeup and cosmetics. I even took a course in image and grooming, and learned to feel like a million bucks.

I never wait for a man to ask me out. Instead, I take myself out often and treat myself to dinner and a movie. I no longer feel guilty about letting my retired parents take over most of my childcare duties because I’d rather spend quality time with my daughter than be preoccupied with work when she’s around.

I no longer think it selfish to take time out for myself, doing things that nurture my spirit. I know now that these are not luxuries, but essentials. And that by doing them, I’m enhancing my ability to give of myself to others.

I realised that simply becoming aware of my issues was not enough. Positive action is essential on the road to recovery. Because every time you take action, even make a tiny effort to nurture yourself, you are telling your subconscious mind that you are worth the effort. And that, in turn, will enhance your self-esteem.

It took a life-threatening condition to make me see the light. To realise that I’m worth taking care of, that I deserve to love and care for myself. Don’t let that happen to you. Especially if you’re a new mother. If nothing else, at least do it for your child’s sake.

And if you’re in a new relationship, or looking to get into a relationship, here’s one last reason why you need to start believing that you’re an amazing, gorgeous creature, and that you’re so totally worth the time, effort (and money, if necessary) it takes to look and feel your best.

The reason is that it will help you attract and keep a great guy. One with high self-esteem, who treats you like the goddess you are. Remember that men are visual creatures. And even if you’ve been married for decades, making the effort to look good for your man will send him the message that you think he’s worth looking good for - and that’ll improve your marriage too.

Please don’t say that you’re too busy and have no time. Those are just excuses. We always make time for the things we truly believe in and really want to do. So all you have to do is start believing that you NEED to do these things for yourself.

Because, to paraphrase the (cliched, but true) advertising slogan, “Baby, you’re SO worth it!”

Recommended Reading:

Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
I’ve recommended this powerful book by Margaret Paul many times. It greatly helped me heal my emotional and self-esteem issues and helped me make choices that nurture and heal me.

Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You
This tiny, yet powerful book by Daphne Rose Kingma will help you get in touch with your own needs and reasons for loving and nurturing yourself.

The Girl’s Guide to Loving Yourself: A Book About Falling in Love With the One Person Who Matters Most..You
Am planning to order this book soon, since it talks about a lot of the stuff I discussed in this post. According to the review, the book “offers that extra boost of self-esteem you need to walk into a crowded room feeling confident, and to stand in front of a bedroom mirror feeling satisfied. It is the perfect mixture of wisdom, guidance, inspiration, and laughter you need to fall head over heels in love with the one person who matters most… you.” Cute!

Loving Yourself More: 101 Meditations for Women
I have my own set of spiritual practices and meditations to help me affirm my worth, but if you’re looking for some advice on this, you might find it here.

The Lightworker’s Way: Awakening Your Spiritual Power to Know and Heal
I am currently reading and enjoying this book by Doreen Virtue so much that I find it hard to put down. A wonderful account a lightworker’s journey to discovering her powers to heal herself and others. If you’re into spirituality or healing, it’s definitely worth reading.

The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing
Beautiful book by Deepak Chopra shows you how to experience unconditional love for yourself and others.

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