Honoring The Self: Setting New Standards For Happiness
August 22nd, 2007, 10:24 pm by Priya Florence Shah
Filed under Attraction, Self-Awareness, Happiness, Empowering Women, Healing, Self-Esteem, Buddhism, Self-Love, Stress-Relief, Self Help, Attitude, Self-Improvement, Relationships, Books, Experiences, My Life, Personal Growth, Thoughts
We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.
- Virginia Satir
Even before I picked up a copy of Nathaniel Branden’s excellent tome, “Honoring the Self: Self-Esteem and Personal Tranformation
Integrity is one of the pillars of self-esteem, says Branden, and not living in integrity - in accordance with the standards we set for ourselves - is one of the causes of low self-esteem.
Being unable to relate to the standards that my family and society had ingrained in me a long time ago (the “good Catholic girl” standards, as I call them), I felt that I was not living in integrity, with what I truly believed was right for me.
I’ve always been a free spirit, a hippie-at-heart, tree-hugger, environmentalist, Luddite (pick your label). But in my struggle for survival, acceptance and approval, I lost sight of what was most important to me.
I complied with my family’s expectations, and society’s standards, when I chose to marry the man I loved. Had I lived in a different era, or been brought up in a more progressive society, I believe I’d have been just as happy having a child outside of marriage.
For many couples, even those who marry for love, that piece of paper just becomes an excuse to have unrealistic expectations of each other, give up their individual dreams, and destroy the love and happiness they once shared.
While coping with my responsibilities as a mother, wife and provider, I lost sight of my personal ideals and began to follow the standards set by others. Finding my faith helped me realise that I needed to set new standards for myself.
The Buddhist doctrines of impermanence and non-attachment helped me realise that I don’t need the confines of a traditional relationship in order to be happy. I cherish my freedom and independence too much to ever give it up again for domesticity (the “old ball-and-chain”).
Dating without expectation leaves me free to be authentic and live in the moment, so I can enjoy and experience a person for what he is, without being attached to the outcome of an interaction.
I’m also happier and more creative since I stopped measuring my professional success by the standards of the internet community. For me, success is not as much about making money (although that is essential) as about living my passion, while touching the lives of others in positive ways.
Now that I’ve come to realise I no longer have to measure my life by another’s standards, that I can choose for myself the standards that resonate with my own personal beliefs, I feel like I’ve found new wings and am free of expectations from myself and others.
For me, living in integrity is no more about living in accordance with the morals and standards set by my family and culture. It’s about marching to the beat of my own drum. About setting new standards for my life that empower me, resonate with my personal truths, and allow me to live my life in accordance with the beliefs that are right for me.
Popularity: 79% [?]
Angie Dixon said,
September 5th, 2007, 3:10 pm
I have recently been “moving my center,” and have gone from being a workaholic to being a fairly laid-back person. I was glad to read your post and see Branden’s book, because while I know of it, I’ve never read it. I’m headed out to the library & will literally “check it out.” Thanks!
Liara Covert said,
September 10th, 2007, 7:15 am
Sounds like a great book. Thanks for the tip! It can also be very enlightening to realize our “standards” and “expectations” may actually be those imposed on us by other people. As we realize that unwanted conditions in our lives simply came from a lack of awareness about our thoughts, feelings and behaviors, we can change them. Thoughts are the primary cause of everything that we perceive. Emotions are an incredible gift. They exist to help us get-to-know ourselves and live a life we really want.
Inge said,
September 11th, 2007, 2:47 am
If anyone EVER wants to read a book that’s enlightening, get your heart all warm and fuzzy, stirrs your soul, makes you crack up in laughter and sends you into WANTING to
believe - and confirmed mine - in God.
With my heartfelt enthusiasm I recommend Elizabeth Gilbert’s
“Eat, Pray, Love”
This is the most heart-stirring, happy-making and moving book about ones personal plunge into bravery I have ever read.
With so much love I thank you my unknown (yet I know you so well) soul-sister LIZ, from the bottom of my heart!
Priscilla Palmer said,
September 14th, 2007, 8:07 pm
You have been tagged for The Personal Development List. I would love for you to participate.
Subhojit Dasgupta said,
September 30th, 2007, 9:15 am
Happiness is a choice, and if we make that choice…we will be happy come what may !
So its either we choose to be happy…or unhappy !
I choose to be happy because thats the ideal creative state of mind.
Antonio Thornton said,
October 4th, 2007, 8:53 am
Hi!
It’s the law and you can’t get around it, no matter how sneaky, under the radar you do it…you can’t beat it.
Even though you may think it’s a small thing, anything you do that is a negative energy action, WILL have an effect on you.
Be Good!
http://www.antoniothornton.com/law-of-attraction
Tina Su said,
November 6th, 2007, 10:00 am
I love your blog. What a great idea! Keep up the awesome work.
Love & Gratitude,
Tina
Think Simple. Be Decisive.
~ Productivity, Motivation & Happiness
Shelly Jain said,
November 6th, 2007, 12:27 pm
Very nice article, Priya!
I specifically liked the bit on integrity and its relation with self-esteem.
law of attraction guru said,
November 13th, 2007, 11:12 pm
You are right when you break away from social patterns and restrictions you are free to pursue your own vision and realize a greater potential of living. All the best to you keep up the great work .
law of attraction said,
November 13th, 2007, 11:17 pm
I dont tell anyone to turn away from the church , I do however believe that organize religion tends to hamper people with dogma and limited belief structures . If people where to reread the teachings for themselves and rely less on the political interpetations that thy have been offered . The message would be clear . I admire the fact that you’ve broken away from conventional teaching and realized your own path.
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net said,
December 10th, 2007, 3:57 am
I’m a huge fan of Six Pillars, didn’t realise he had a new book out. Love how you apply Buddhist teachings in your blog and your life too.
Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.
law of attraction video said,
December 27th, 2007, 6:12 pm
We tend to live out our lives from and objectified point of view , or to look outside to fill the inside or to base the value of ourselves upon external references. when you stop doing that to yourself it opens a whole new world up to you. The first step is to practice self love and to wholly except yourself. Then you can let go of all those things that you yourself have been allowing yourself to be bound up in and are free to be.
Colon Cleanse Geek said,
January 9th, 2008, 3:10 am
Both my hubby and I went to the beat of a different drum and dropped the traditional “JOB” for a biz together. Your post spoke to both of us who know what it feels like to always feel like you are meeting other people’s standards or beliefs instead of following your own path:-))
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