Soul Kadee

How do you constructively deal with intuitive empathy? What practical methods can you employ to avoid becoming overamped or depleted? I’m going to present some strategies I use. Try them. See which appeal. One is not more preferable than another. Most important is if your choice works.

Walk away.

Let’s say you’re chatting with a man you’ve just met at a conference and your energy starts bottoming out. Here’s how to tell if you’re being zapped: Don’t hesitate to politely excuse yourself; move at least twenty feet from him (outside the range of his energy field). If you receive immediate relief, there’s your answer. Most people are oblivious to how their energy impacts others.

Even energy vampires — people who feed off your energy to compensate for a lack of their own — aren’t generally intending to sap you yet still they do. Obnoxious or meek, vampires come in all forms. Watch out for them. For years, reluctant to hurt anyone’s feelings, I needlessly endured these types of situations and suffered.

How many of us are so loathe to appear rude that a raving maniac can be right in our face, and still we don’t budge for fear of offending? Whenever possible — if your well-being feels at risk with an individual or group — give yourself permission to make a tactful and swift exit. In a spot, physically removing yourself is a sure quick solution.

Shield yourself.

A handy form of protection many people use, including healers with trying patients, involves visualizing an envelope of white light (or any color you feel imparts power) around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out negativity or physical discomfort but allows what’s positive to filter in.

For instance, your sister is on the rampage. She’s about to blow up; you don’t want her anger to shatter you. Now–take a deep breath, center yourself, engage your shield. Literally picture it forming a fail-safe barrier around you which deactivates anger. It simply can’t get to you. Shielding is a deliberately defensive technique aimed at guarding your feelings, not repressing them. It works by establishing a perimeter of protection around you that functionally doesn’t permit harm in.

Practice vulnerability.

One tenet of my spiritual practice is to remain as vulnerable as I can to everything; not to shield, the antithesis of defense. Some people prefer my strategy, some don’t. Use it if it succeeds for you. Here’s the premise (not madness) behind this: if we solidify our bond to our inner self, we’ll become centered enough not to need to defend at all. Thus, the best protection turns out to be no protection — a stance that initially alarmed me. It didn’t seem possible I could do hands-on energy work with someone who had cancer or depression, for example, without absorbing their symptoms myself. But it was.

What could be more liberating than to find I could hold my own and still remain open! Too often we’re taught to equate vulnerability with weakness. Not so. I like being vulnerable and also strong. This disarms people. To me, the appeal of such an approach is that it’s a non-fear-based way of living in the world. It requires that, increasingly, you harmonize with whatever you confront, let it flow through you, then recenter again, stabilized by your own resilience. Pace yourself. A vulnerable posture will feel safer the stronger you get. It is a choice and a life-long practice.

Meditate.

To cement your inner bond and hold your center in any situation, I recommend a daily practice of meditation where you focus on the spirit within. Doing so gets you into the habit of connecting with yourself. Start with a few minutes, then gradually increase the duration.

The technique is simple: follow your breath and explore the silence. It is not void or empty; that’s the mystery. As thoughts come, and they will, continue to refocus on your breath. Every inhalation. Every exhalation. The spaces between thoughts are where your spirit waits to be discovered. There is something real in there worth finding.

My spirit feels like a core of head-to-toe warmth vertically aligned though the center of my body. Imbued in the warmth itself is an intelligence and intuitive responsiveness to my rhythms and questions. It speaks only truth, which resonates like a chiming in every cell. Silently become acquainted with your spirit. You can return to it to reinforce who you really are–not just the self you present to the world, but that part of you that is timeless. Make room to pursue it.

© Copyright Judith Orloff, M.D.  All Rights Reserved.

Judith Orloff, M.D., an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and intuition expert, is author of the new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Harmony Books, 2009) Her other bestsellers are     Positive Energy, Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition and energy medicine. She passionately believes that the future of medicine involves integrating all this wisdom to achieve emotional freedom and total wellness.

FREE MINI VIDEO CLASSES ON YOUTUBE FOR YOU!
Please check out “Dr. Orloff’s Living Room Series” to find out more about the special method Dr. Orloff recommends to remember your dreams and other topics to build the power within. Stop by www.youtube.com/judithorloffmd anytime.

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Whether you are in a relationship that has just begun or one that began decades ago, if you are not satisfied with the behaviors you are shown, simply change your response to those behaviors, and a reaction will result.

Your partner’s reaction will have to change to reflect the changes in your attitudes, your guidelines and boundaries.

All you can change is you.

All you can control and manipulate

is your own choice.

You can react to what you are shown,

or you can leave the source of discomfort in your life.

For as you change, as you grow, your reactions do as well. You break the cycle of dysfunction within a relationship when you choose to respond in a new, more highly evolved fashion.

When you love another, your communication of self-love is what allows the love to flow between you. Not a wall, not a game, not a punishment, not lashing out, not carrying on hysterically, but only love of self communicates what you see, feel, or observe to be beyond the boundary of what you will tolerate. When you whine, beg, plead, cry, yell, scream, throw, hit, or lash out, your actions do not deserve the respect you ultimately are entitled to.

But when you openly and calmly share anything that displeases you, anything that causes you to feel unvalued or unappreciated, then you have genuine communication. Then you have friendship, understanding, respect for each other’s feelings, and the integrity to preserve the good you have found. Build a new bridge of understanding over the turbulent waters of confusion and pain. Allow past hurts and pains to flow out of your system and out of the dynamic of your relationship by sharing truth honestly, deeply, and purely When you both do that, truth and understanding will replace chaos and pain.

Melting the walls that stand between you

Much of the discord couples experience comes from fear of exposing their true feelings – their love, fears, doubts, insecurities – their true selves. So they hide their truth behind ego, pride, defense mechanisms, stories, lies, and games instead of communicating authentically.

When you do this, it robs you of your own solid foundation, your feelings of strong self-worth, self-respect, and high self-esteem. When you are too afraid to expose the real you, then you play the games that destroy a genuine healthy relationship or romantic friendship. But as you heal and realize there is nothing so terrible to hide, you then begin to feel more secure to share your truth. As you do this, you reinforce your self-worth and, at the same time, you reinforce the relationship’s foundation with truth.

When two people love, they have a common ground from which to build a new foundation based on trust, mutual respect, and mutual understanding. Yet, there must be compromise. One cannot yield all the time. Satisfaction of needs, wants, requests, and desires must be reciprocal.

Think about the word “relationship.” Relate your concerns and feelings on the ship of your making, so you may travel together on a sea of understanding.

If you begin a relationship with a pre-set agenda, you will find that you are not being your real self. You act the way you think the other wants you to act. You toss aside many of your goals, interests, dreams, and aspirations because you think that doing so will allow you to “get” this man or this woman.

And in that process you steal the foundation of your truth, of your core, from your very self, and you prevent the other from knowing your inner beauty.

Like so many people, you may try to be perfect at the beginning of a relationship. You try to look your best, act your best, feel your best. But you leave out the most important ingredient: the real you, which is the best you. Like so many people, you think that if you showed the real you, your potential partner would surely run, leaving skid marks on the way.

What is so wrong or terrible with the real you?

Perfection is not exciting. It is boring.

If you always try to be perfect, you create discomfort with the other person and actually prevent the growth of true friendship and intimacy.

Where are her moods? Doesn’t he ever get angry? Does she always look so perfect? Doesn’t he ever have a bad day? Why can’t she show me she gets mad? Doesn’t he have any real feelings? Is she always so intellectual? Does he really have a heart? Where is it? How can I show my real self if he or she doesn’t do it too?

You see, when you both present your real and genuine selves to each other, you lay a solid foundation from which you can develop an honest and meaningful friendship or romance with one another.

You may know that many times people will test others to see what they will put up with, what they will tolerate. Testers want to find out how much they can get away with. They also want to know whether the testees have enough respect and regard for themselves to put the testers in their place if they cross the line.

Sometimes the one you date

wants to see that you have guts,

that you are not a spineless wimp,

that you do have self-respect,

that you will only tolerate being treated

with common decency and respect.

So, show it!

If others say something to you that strikes a Chord within, and you don’t like the feelings you are getting as a result of their words or actions, you must speak up and say so. Now.

You can say it gently and graciously,

but make sure that it is said.

By speaking up, you honor and preserve your self-esteem, your personal dignity. Others then know how you feel as a result of what they did or said, and they know what you are requesting of them; it then becomes their choice as to whether they will honor your personal boundaries.

Each person is entitled to all of his or her own beliefs, opinions, preferences, joys, and individuality.

You do not own others; they are not your property. You share your time or your life together. As you learned in nursery school, sharing is giving; it is not taking, and it is not demanding that another does it all your way.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life. Published by The Rose Group (2003) ISBN: 097414570X

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. is the best selling author of nine books including If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!, Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE, and Know Yourself. She is an internationally recognized expert in personal transformation, relationships, consciousness and spiritual awakening, and a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the nondenominational study and integration of humanity’s God Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Dr. Rose is known for providing life changing answers, quick practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide as the Founder and Director of IHSC, Institute of Higher Self Communication. Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, spiritual intensives, teleseminars, webcasts, and internationally published articles have transformed the lives of thousands across the globe. Dr. Rose works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity.

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Popularity: 25% [?]

How many of us are looking for a man to make us feel good about ourselves? We think, As soon as I get a man, I’ll be happy; my life will be perfect.

This attitude reminds me of a quote: Half a woman will attract half a man. In other words, a woman who feels incomplete or inadequate will attract a man who is equally incomplete or inadequate.

Contrary to popular belief, relationships are not 50-50 propositions. We should enter into relationships as whole beings prepared to give (and receive) 100 percent.

So what does it mean to be whole? For starters, it doesn’t mean being perfect. Wholeness is a state of being. We reach this stage in life when we are no longer looking for someone or something to complete us.

We’re whole once we realize we already possess everything we want or need on the inside of us. We come into a conscious awareness that there is no lack in our lives. We recognize that we are complete and no one can add to or take way anything from our life. In our wholeness, we know that our life is what we make it.

Therefore, a whole and complete woman doesn’t depend on others to make her feel good about herself. She doesn’t seek validation from others. Her sense of purpose, well-being and identity doesn’t come from anything outside of herself, including a relationship.

She is content with her life. She truly loves herself and manifests joy and happiness she desires. She doesn’t expect others to make her feel that way.

When you’re whole, you never say, I’ll be happy when I have a man. Instead you say, Yes, I want a relationship. Even though I don’t have one right now, I will enjoy and love myself in this moment.

The people we attract to our lives are a reflection of who we are. So if you want someone who will love and honor you, you must first love and honor yourself. A joyful, loving, healthy relationship begins with you.

Rosslyn Champ is a poet, author and teacher. She is the founder of http://liveloveandprosper.com Her personal development site offers a variety of articles, booklets and other resources that provide a holistic, common sense approach to helping people achieve success in all areas of life.

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Three Simple but Extremely Powerful Practices That Raise Your Vibration

Higher vibrational frequency is the name of the game in experiencing joy, ease, peace, true wisdom and total Love. The higher we rise in frequency, the closer to Source we are vibrationally, and the more we experience the God-knowingness and true power of Source.

Your frequency is correlated with the amount of Life Force you have flowing freely through you, so maintaining alignment with Source and allowing full and free flow of Life Force is crucial to experiencing the sublime realm of higher frequency. Here are some key strategies for staying aligned and moving Life Force through you:

Radiate Love unconditionally. When you stop tying your Love to people and other entities, your ego will find less reasons to withhold Love and pinch off the flow of Life Force, also known as Love, through you. Ego will always find reasons why someone doesn’t deserve your Love, or will shut down or diminish the flow if it thinks the object of your Love isn’t open to receive it, etc.

If Source € demonstrating the highest vibrational frequency € considered whether or not we were open to receive Love before allowing Love to flow, Creation would collapse! So, instead of loving someone or something, make it your practice to simply love, period!

Loving, no matter what, just as Source does, is the key to maintaining higher vibrational frequency. And you can trust that your Love is always received€it is received by the receptive aspects of Source, thus completing the grand cycle of Love going out from, and returning to, Source.

Be impeccably honest. Honesty maintains you in the Flow of Life Force and Love. Dishonesty is of the ego, therefore, being dishonest necessarily removes you from the Flow. In order to be dishonest, which is an ego-manipulation strategy, you step out of Love and into the lower vibrational realm of duality, the misery matrix, the place where ego exists.

While your ego may tell you that being dishonest is a survival strategy, it is telling you an untruth. Because there is no Life Force in duality, being dishonest depletes Life Force€hardly a survival move!

Honesty is not only the way to stay in the Flow, or to step back into it if you’ve fallen for ego’s misguided manipulations, your honesty provides an invitation back into the Flow for everyone connected to you. Of course, being completely honest with yourself is the first step.

Make joy your #1 priority. Joy is your emotional response to higher frequency, and your guide to whether you’re in or out of the Flow. When you feel joyful, you are in the Flow. When you are feeling less-than-joyful, your ego has choked off the full flow of Life Force through you. When you’re in the Flow, your frequency is elevated due to the increased Life Force moving through you, and you experience joy and its constant companions, ease and peace, the state of being we all long for.

The longing for joy is the carrot the Creator installed within us to assure that however far we dipped in frequency, we would always desire to come Home to the frequency level at which we were designed to thrive. When you make experiencing joy your first priority, your life aligns around that, and supports your staying in joy. When you are in joy, whatever you create is in alignment with joy, so joy begets more joy!

Contrary to popular belief, joy is not just the result of some sort of mystical coming together of favorable factors, but is the result of continually choosing to be in vibrational alignment and in the Flow.

©2006 Julia Rogers Hamrick

Julia Rogers Hamrick has been a spiritual-growth facilitator for over two decades, and is the author of Recreating Eden: The Exquisitely Simple, Divinely Ordained Plan for Transforming Your Life and Your Planet. Julia writes about and leads seminars on proactive joy, and the relationship between frequency and experience.
http://www.recreating-eden.com

Popularity: 21% [?]

My friend, Tarannum Siddiqui, who moderates the Enlightment By Tarannum list, and writes the Enlightenment blog on my new blogging portal, shared this wonderful article by copywriter and metaphysician, Joe Vitale. I thought it was a beautiful example of how love and loving oneself can actually heal others.

The World’s Most Unusual Therapist

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients–without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate’s chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person’s illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane?

It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t logical, so I dismissed the story.

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho ‘oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn’t let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more.

I had always understood “total responsibility” to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it’s out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way.

We’re responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility.

His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years.

That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.

Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

“After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely,” he told me. “Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed.”

I was in awe.

“Not only that,” he went on, “but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work. Today, that ward is closed.”

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: “What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?”

“I was simply healing the part of me that created them,” he said.

I didn’t understand.

Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life - simply because it is in your life–is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy–anything you experience and don’t like–is up for you to heal. They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho ‘oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone–even a mentally ill criminal–you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files?

“I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again,” he explained.

That’s it?

That’s it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, your improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message.

This time, I decided to try Dr. Len’s method. I kept silently saying, “I’m sorry” and “I love you,” I didn’t say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward action to get that apology. I didn’t even write him back. Yet, by saying “I love you,” I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

I later attended a ho ‘oponopono workshop run by Dr. Len. He’s now 70 years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive. He praised my book, The Attractor Factor. He told me that as I improve myself, my book’s vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve.

“What about the books that are already sold and out there?” I asked.

“They aren’t out there,” he explained, once again blowing my mind with his mystic wisdom. “They are still in you.”

In short, there is no out there.

It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you.

“When you look, do it with love.”

This article is from the forthcoming book “Zero Limits” by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Len. Joe shared the work of Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len and the Ho’oponopono healing process at the Beyond Manifestation weekend. Get the audio, transcripts and manual of the Beyond Manifestation weekend here.

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When you reach a certain point in your spiritual maturity, you demonstrate more of the characteristics of enlightenment. As you ascend in vibrational frequency and mastery, you take on more of the qualities ascribed to God such as profound wisdom, creatorship, and loving without conditions.

You become aware that you are far greater than you had thought, and that you are far more powerful. Your definition of you expands dramatically, and you behave accordingly. Here are three qualities you embody when you are spiritually mature:

You take full responsibility for everything that occurs in your reality. You’ve reached the level of consciousness that allows you to truly see that you are the Creator of all that you experience, and that, whether you created something out of awareness, or by default without realizing what you were doing, it is all your creation.

You know that you are manifesting your life through the vibration you foster, and to change your manifestations, you simply adjust your vibration. You understand that when you stay centered in Love, and your predominant vibration is joy, your manifestations are pleasing.

You allow all and no longer need to be right. You see through the eyes of Wisdom and understand that there are as many perceptions about what is Truth as there are people to have them, and that is just as it is designed to be. You realize that everyone is having the experience of being human on behalf of God, All That Is, that nothing anyone can do can possibly be excluded from All That Is.

You know that diversity of form and of thought serves God’s desire for a complete knowing of Itself and of Its potential by providing an infinite variety of experience. You understand that ego is the one that needs to judge and be right, that needs to exclude, and that needs validation, and you are happy to rise above it by accepting all as being simply the way it is. Period.

You are committed to unconditional radiance. Your greatest desire is that Love from Source continuously flows unimpeded through you, radiates from you, and returns to Source. You know that this is the key to experiencing ease, peace, harmony, and bliss.

Your intention in this regard includes offering no resistance to the Flow, and embracing even your ego in the knowledge that it is simply doing what it is designed to do. When someone’s ego summons your own ego and invites you out of the Flow, you know to simply say, No, thank you, because you know that nothing is more important€or more empowering€than being in alignment with Source and radiating Love unconditionally.

©2006 Julia Rogers Hamrick

Julia Rogers Hamrick has been a spiritual-growth facilitator for over two decades, and is the author of Recreating Eden: The Exquisitely Simple, Divinely Ordained Plan for Transforming Your Life and Your Planet. Julia writes about and leads seminars on proactive joy, and the relationship between vibrational frequency and experience. For more information on Julia and recreating Eden, and to get on her list to be eligible for her f’ree monthly teleseminars, visit http://www.recreating-eden.com.

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I just read this article by Joyce Shafer, that makes the distinction between self-image and self-awareness beautifully, and thought I’d share it with you.

Self-image is how we see ourselves and how we want others to see us. Self-awareness is who we know ourselves to be.

People focused on self-image, put their attention towards their physical presentation and whatever achievement means to them in all areas of their lives. Their behaviors follow particular patterns. They may move up the corporate ladder or socially or in whatever area matters to them, but they seem to stay the same personality-wise over time.

This group is where you’ll find perfectionists, as well. Members of this group are often stressed-out or easily enter this state of being. Self-worth is usually determined based on others’ opinions or on monetary measurements. Happiness is usually dependent upon how things turn out for them.

The other group pays attention to their physical presentation and things they choose to accomplish; but, these things piggy-back on the foundation of who they are based on their ongoing development of self-awareness. You can rely on them, but their behaviors and actions change in accordance with increases in self-awareness.

There are no perfectionists in this group because they know perfection is unrealistic, whereas excellence is realistic and attainable. Members can be affected by events, but have a strong foundation of self that readily returns them to a state of balance and a generally easy-going manner. They determine their own worth because they are self-actualized. Happiness is something they choose to experience more often than not.

The self-image group often stays contained emotionally. They may not even know what they really feel about something. They may live primarily by logic and, to some degree, emotion. Emotions and feelings are not the same thing.

Self-aware people deliberately search their feelings so they can live every moment as authentically as possible; and, they strive to properly manage their emotions.

Read the rest of the article here.

Popularity: 8% [?]

This article could have been titled “Three Thoughtful Reasons NOT To Change A Person,” because it applies to everyone, man or woman.

But since women are usually the ones trying to change men, it seemed more appropriate to address it to you girls.

If there’s one thing that all those years of married life have taught me, it’s that attempting to change a man is an exercise in futility.

But my reasons for not trying to change men have less to do with resigning myself to undesirable behaviour, than with mutual respect and consideration for a man’s feelings.

Here’s why I think it’s not fair to men that we keep trying to change them.

1. He’s entitled to his opinions and free will

I’m a big believer in a person’s right to exercise his free will. As long as he blames no one but himself and is willing to accept the consequences of his actions, a man should have the right to make his own mistakes and learn from them.

Respect his opinions and let him be. And the next time you try to make him change his ways, imagine how YOU would feel if the tables were turned.

2. He will never change for the wrong reasons

The wrong reasons include threats, manipulation, coercion and other underhanded methods. And no, you’re not allowed to use hypnosis or sex either. Play fair.

3. He will change only for the right reasons

The right reasons are inner-driven, and arise only when his actions create enough pain for him to desperately want to make a change. When he is sufficiently motivated to change, he’ll do it regardless of your wanting him to do it.

If he does decide to change, support him every step of the way, and get help for him and yourself. And what should I do if he doesn’t want to change, you say?

Well, then you don’t have too many options, and the ones you have may not be all that attractive. But here’s what you can do if his actions are causing you pain.

• Let Him Know

Your man may not even be aware that his behaviour is affecting you adversely. After all he’s not as intuitive as you are and can’t read your mind. So tell him what you feel. If he cares a lot about you, he may be motivated to change.

• Change Yourself

Susan Page, author of “How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together,” believes that for every action there is always an equal, opposite reaction, and that one person’s fundamental shift toward “good will” can lay the foundation for a better relationship. Based on that premise, all it should take to change your man is to change yourself.

I have my reservations about this approach, but don’t really see any harm in trying it as long as you don’t go overboard in trying to change yourself for his benefit. If it doesn’t change him it might help you deal with some of your own issues.

• Give Up Control

What are you anyway, some kind of control freak? You only have control over your own thoughts and actions, not over the actions of other people. Your penance is to say the “Serenity Prayer” out loud ten times a day. Go do it now, girl.

• Live With It

If you can convince yourself that his behaviour is not all that bad, or you’ve already invested too much in the relationship to leave, then learn to live with it, desensitise, detach, or minimise your exposure to it. It’ll prepare you well for learning to live with his mother.

• Walk, Leave, Vamoose

If his behaviour is too painful, if its affecting your health and self-esteem, then the kindest thing you can do for both of you, is to walk away from the situation.

Sometimes the best option is to make a fresh start. That way you’ll be able to attract someone more suited to your needs the next time around.

Recommended Reading:

If you’ve decided to go ahead and fight this (losing!) battle anyway, here are some battle plans that might help. Be warned, however, that there are no quick fixes, and changing someone is more about changing yourself and your own behaviour, so you’d better be willing to work on yourself first.

A Woman’s Guide to Changing Her Man: Without His Even Knowing It

Rather misleadingly titled, this book is about how women can change their approach to their partners, which means changing themselves first, thus improving their relationships.

Getting Through to the Man You Love: The No-Nonsense, No-Nagging Guide for Women

Well-titled to keep both sexes happy, this book is about enhancing communication with your spouse.

How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together

Based on the premise that for every action there is always an equal, opposite reaction, and that one person’s fundamental shift toward “good will” lays the foundation for a better relationship.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

John Gray’s book is a must-read for anyone convinced that the opposite sex is really from another planet (which we are).

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Ever since I started writing about my experience with mind power and spirituality, I’ve had people asking me how it has changed my life. These are the very people who have also tried their hands on mind power and it hasn’t seem to work for them.

So why does mind power work for some and not for others?

Here are some reasons:

1. The Power of Belief

“Whether you believe you can or can’t, you’re right.” - Henry Ford

What Henry Ford meant was that if you believe you can succeed, then you will. On the other hand, if you believe that you cannot succeed, then you can’t. And that’s really the crux of the issue.

Most people tried mind power tactics and tools half-heartedly. This really set them up for failure even before they begin. I can tell whether a person will succeed or not simply by the degree of faith and commitment he or she has. Most people just want to “try it”, so they don’t do it diligently and they give up after a short while. That just won’t do.

2. The Power of Commitment and Persistence

Results from mind power are not instantaneous. They take time to manifest from the formless realm of mind and thoughts into physical reality. In order to taste its fruits, you’ll have to work at it and give it time to manifest. It’s very much like planting a tree.

You start with a seed - whatever seed you choose to grow - and then you must water it, give it the nutrients and sunshine it needs, pull out all the weeds around it, and pretty soon it grows into a shoot and then into a tree. That takes time and commitment. Most people give up too easily.

3. The Power of Knowledge

It’s important to know what you’re doing, and whether you’re doing it right. So understanding the universal laws and how they work is of primary importance. In fact, if you fully understood the laws, you’ll have the faith to go with its applications.

For me, the understanding and the faith came after reading and researching for quite a while. It’s not enough reading just one or two books on mind power and assume you already know everything.

Every author has something new to share, a unique twist or an insight that is just right for you. So keep reading. I often get my best insights from little known authors, so don’t discount authors you haven’t heard of before.

For example, two years ago I have not even heard of Wallace D. Wattles, the author of “The Science of Getting Rich”, yet his books have already made quite an impact in society. There are really quite a number of very good but obscure authors out there, and with the Internet, it’s much easier to find them than before.

In the past, all these books would have been considered as occult knowledge, but in the age of the Internet, not anymore.

Finally, I continue to encourage you to pursue your dreams via cultivation of your mind. Once you’ve tasted its fruits, you’ll regard life as a play - a creative game where you DO have absolute control over. The degree of control you have over your own life is proportionate to the degree of control you have over your mind.

Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor who runs his own thriving medical practice. In his free time, he enjoys giving public talks, teaching meditation and offering his service to hospice work in the community. He also has keen interest in self improvement, mind science and spirituality. He recently launched his latest ebook entitled “From Fear to Love: A Spiritual Journey” at FromFeartoLove.com

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Why do we feel unhappy or unfulfilled? Why do we complain, judge others or blame them for our problems? Usually, it’s because we feel that way about our self.

Our relationships and life experiences are a reflection of our inner world. How we see the world and interpret the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self.

To change your relationships with others, you’ve got to change your relationship with yourself.

Own your feelings

Accept that you alone are responsible for the way you think and feel. No one can make you feel that way. Own responsibility for allowing yourself to feel the way you do.

Be self-aware

Step back and observe yourself from a distance. How do you react to people and situations? Are you reacting unconsciously from the wounded child or responding in a calm, compassionate manner? When you’re conscious and aware of your feelings in a situation, you have the power to respond, rather than react.

Be authentic

Be true to yourself. There’s no need to put on a mask or a persona for someone else. You are perfect, whole and complete the way you are.

Love yourself unconditionally

Accept yourself for who you are, the parts you like, the parts you don’t. You’re part of divine creation. When you know and believe that, you will love and accept yourself the way you are.

Never belittle yourself

Never put yourself down or disrespect yourself. Don’t allow anyone else to treat you in a way that you don’t approve of. Never accept less than what you deserve - from yourself or anyone else.

Take care of yourself first

Remember the airline stewardess telling you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you? You can’t take care of someone else, your family, or your kids, if you don’t take care of yourself first. Make yourself and your health a priority and do what it takes to get well, in every way.

Get in touch with your Higher Self

Your intuition is your Higher Self, the self that knows without knowing, sees without seeing. It is this self that will guide you towards your higher purpose. Any time you spend in meditation, prayer or solitude, cultivating your relationship with your higher self, will be time well spent.

Learn to connect with yourself at a deeper level, find your purpose, and understand your role in the universe. It will transform your relationship with yourself, and with everyone in your life.

More reading:

Books for Empowered Women

Articles on Personal Transformation by Barbara Rose. Ph.D.

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