Soul Kadee

Do you feel overwhelmed and at odds with your life? Does it seem like your mind rambles incessantly, as if you can never experience a moment of peace? Many people in our modern world describe their lives as frenzied and imbalanced. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way.

Many Asian cultures have understood something for the past several thousand years that modern people are gradually beginning to discover: That we have to learn how to work with our minds in a conscious and healthy way if we are to attract peace, abundance, and joy into our lives.

Without a consistent method of cultivating awareness, we will be forever resigned to circumstances that feel out of our control. That is why so many modern people are struggling. We have lost the ancient practice of connecting our inner world of thoughts, feelings, and energy with our outer world of the circumstances we attract into our lives.

Because of this, everything that appears seems to be random. We lose trust in the unfolding of the universe. As a result, our minds are filled with anxiety and worry, which only attracts more seeming chaos and confusion into our lives. Does this sound familiar?

The law of attraction states that what you focus on expands. If your thoughts and feelings resonate with anxiety and confusion, then you will attract more of those qualites to you through your relationships, work, finances, etc. The key is not to trick our minds into creating positive thoughts through affirmations or other methods, but to develop space around the workings of our minds altogether. Herein lies the magic of mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness is a method of becoming acutely aware of everything that happens within the scope of our perception. We shed light on what we think, feel, and sense. We make conscious all of the subconscious material that typically sabotages our good intentions. We don’t try to change it. Instead, we just become extremely aware of it.

We do this by sitting still and doing nothing but watching how our mind works without attachment or judgment. We just sit and witness what takes place within us and we start to draw parallels between what we believe to be true and what we are constantly attracting into our lives.

Many people, particulalry Westerners, try meditation for a period of time and then give up after getting frustrated with the process. This is because we are always looking for results. We are deeply attached to our expectations of what should happen. Most of us try to use meditation to shut our minds down, to dwell in a space of ‘no thought.’ If you try to use meditation to stop thinking, you are in for a rude surprise. You simply cannot do it. In fact, the harder you try to stop thinking, the louder and more obnoxious your thoughts become. This is not the way.

The main intention of mindfulness is to be fundamentally OK with whatever arises as you practice. Whether you have a good thought or a bad thought, you give it the same attention. You remain neutral. By doing this, you stop feeding the energy of your thoughts. This is the first step in cutting through the vicious cycle of thought-feeling-reaction that keeps so many of us habitually attracting the wrong kinds of energy, people, and circumstances into our lives.

If we believe what we think, the energy of the thought will evolve into a feeling. The momentum of the feeling will cause us to react to it, which will create a cause in the world that will always lead to an effect. The effect will always be a reflection of that initial thought impulse. So, if your thoughts are habitually centered around negativity, greed, fear, or narcissism, then the effects you will see in your life will mirror this back to you.

Mindfulness is a process of becoming truly proactive for the first time in your life. Most of the time, we are just reacting to what we think and feel, which brings us endless cycles of conflict and disappointment. When we remain neutral to our thoughts and feelings, then we will gradually make contact with an aspect of ourselves that is spontaneous and awake.

We will act (not react) from this place. We will attract what we truly desire into our lives based on a conscious process of heightening our senses. And, yes, at some point the mind does slow down. We experience wonderful and refreshing moments of peace and openness. The universe is naturally seen as a benevolent place.

Instead of our typical attempts to outsmart the universe, mindfulness is a humbling process of surrender and gratitude.

Cultivate space, endless space, around your thoughts and feelings. Allow your spirit to inhabit your body fully. Don’t buy into self-defeating storylines and beliefs. Don’t try to force yourself to see the positive in life or repeat useless affirmations that you have no innate connection with.

Instead, taste the perfection of this moment as it is. If you can feel in your bones that you are fundamentally OK and that life is precious, you will attract much more meaningful relationships with people, better health, more fulfilling work and more prosperity on all levels of being. That is the power of mindfulness.

Kevin Doherty, L.Ac., MS is a licensed acupuncturist in private practice in Superior, Co. where he teaches many of his patients how to meditate for better health and overall life balance. To learn more about Kevin and his approach to meditation, go to http://www.mindfulnesscd.net

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Popularity: 8% [?]

All that we are is a result of what we have thought
- Buddha

Everyone these days seems to be talking about the Law Of Attraction (LOA) - the principle that you attract into your life whatever you think about.

To explain it in simple, idiot-proof terms:

• Thoughts are energy - they are as real as sound, light and gravity.
• Thoughts create vibrations, the way a pebble creates ripples in a lake.
• Every thought has a frequency. Thoughts send out a magnetic energy.
• Positive thoughts vibrate at a higher frequency than negative ones.
• Your thoughts attract the circumstances of your life like a magnet.
• What you focus on, expands
• If you think about what you don’t want, you only end up attracting more of the same.
• Everything you currently have in your life, YOU have created, the good and the bad - that’s a fact!
• If you are not controlling what you think about, you are creating your life by default.
• When you focus your thoughts on what you DO want, you are applying the principle of Deliberate Creation.
• Your emotions (intuition, gut feelings) are your guidance system - they tell you if what you are attracting is right for you or not.
• You can change your vibrations by changing the way you feel.

Even before I learned about the Law Of Attraction, I understood that we consciously attract people and events into our lives that match our “wavelength.” I knew that, to attract the mate of my dreams, I must become the person I want to attract. (work in progress)

But it’s through the books and audios produced by Jerry and Esther Hicks (who first presented the powerful basics of the original Teachings of Abraham), that I’m beginning to understand how to use and apply the Law of Attraction to create exactly what I desire.

Their books, Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires and The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing, provide an excellent introduction to the LOA.

They include a great deal of advice on working with energy and emotions, as well as specific chapters on increasing prosperity, reclaiming health, working with meditation, and clearing clutter for clarity (sounds like something my feng shui practioner would recommend). They also offer 22 processes that you can use to raise your vibration and invite anything you want to attract into your life.

I also bought all three of their Sara books (for my daughter, Sara, of course), and plan to read them to her at bedtime. I believe these are essential life skills that every parent should practice, and teach their kids.

Because I love their materials so much, I was rather surprised and disappointed when I learned that the original creators didn’t feature in the slickly produced and somewhat over-hyped production, The Secret (DVD), that was based on their work, and recently featured on both, the Oprah Winfrey and Larry King shows.

But then I read this letter from them that sort of explains why. And though I know, from their books, what beautiful people Jerry and Esther are, I’m still amazed at their generosity, understanding and willingness to let go of their intellectual rights.

There are four steps involved in Deliberate Creation:

1. Identify what you DON’T want: Get clear on what about your current life does not serve you
2. Identify what you DO want: Visualise the kind of life you wish to create
3. Get into the feeling place of your want: Raise your vibration and feel the emotions you will feel when you have that life. Believe you already have it.
4. Intend and allow it to happen: Get out of your own way and allow the Universe to take over and do what is in your Highest Good.

Abraham-Hicks teach us that Well-Being is our natural state of being. The reason we do not have what we want - health, abundance, wealth, joy - is because we are blocking the flow of energy that creates well-being.

We create obstacles to well-being with our:

• Lack of belief: Negative beliefs, defeatist attitudes, pessimism and expecting the worst only attracts more negativity into your life
• Lack of self-love: Failing to love, respect and value yourself. Refusing to believe that you deserve the best life has to offer, will keep your dream life firmly out of your reach.
• Lack of trust: Not trusting your intuition, your emotional guidance system, will prevent you from knowing which experiences serve you and which do not.
• Lack of gratitude: Learning to appreciating the abundance you already possess will attract more of it into your life.
• Lack of detachment: Being too attached to the outcome, trying to control the result of your creation, and refusing to allow the Universe to decide the outcome that is in your best interest, will keep you from receiving what it has to offer you (even if it is better than what you visualised for yourself).

I come across new books and audios almost every day, that claim to show how to use the LOA and the principle of Deliberate Creation in everyday life, to get whatever you desire - love, wealth, abundance, joy.

The most useful LOA resources offer techniques to help you raise your emotional set point and help you go from from negative emotions, like fear and despair, to positive ones like joy and happiness.

When you raise your vibrational frequency (through meditation, music, or whatever works for you), and eliminate negative beliefs and emotions that block your ability to receive what the Universe is sending your way (techniques like NLP, EFT, Hypnosis work very well), you can truly create anything you desire.

To raise your vibration right now, watch the beautiful “I Create Reality” movie by Christopher Westra. Do show it to your kids and anyone else you think of.

Law Of Attraction Resources:

Besides the resources above, here are some I own and will be reviewing shortly:

Wealth Beyond Reason: This course by Bob Doyle teaches you the principles of the LOA and gives you specific techniques to rid yourself of negative emotions, and an Experiential Meditation to help you visualise what you desire.

The Secret Of Deliberate Creation: This comprehensive course by Robert Anthony has loads of resources and comes highly recommended.

Sleep And Profit: Get the Think and Grow Rich audios, as well as a number of subliminal audios and practices to clear your mind of negative beliefs about wealth and money.

Sandra Anne Taylor’s books: As a counselor in private psychological practice, Sandra Anne Taylor’s techniques will help you clear negative vibrations and invite in the positive.

Popularity: 14% [?]

There’s a Hole In My Soul
That’s been killing me forever
It’s a place where a garden never grows
There’s a Hole In My Soul
Yeah, I should have known better
‘Cause your love’s like a thorn without a rose
from Hole In My Soul by Aerosmith

One of the reasons I stopped writing about codependence is because I’ve consciously chosen not to focus on it anymore. I know that “what you focus on grows”, and that the most important step to changing any behaviour is self-awareness and self-acceptance.

But I’ve also come to realise that, most people are addicts, in one way or another. And that addiction is not a physical or a psychological disease, but a disconnection from Source energy (God, the Force, a Higher Power) and from our Higher Selves.

When we’re disconnected from our higher selves (the source of love and higher emotions), we look for something outside of ourselves to fill that hole in our soul. This attachment or craving (not desire, as is popularly believed) is also noted in Buddhism as the cause of suffering.

And so we turn to people, relationships, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, meditation, prayer, caffeine, cigarettes, television, music, work, exercise, shopping, gambling, internet usage, pornography and other ways to bliss out, just so that we don’t have to face the fact that we’ve disconnected from our life path and from the purpose that we came here to fulfil.

That’s why all programs for recovery from addiction, like the 12-step program, mandate a reconnection with a Higher Power as essential for recovery.

But, you might say, almost all of the things I’ve listed above (barring TV, internet, pornography and stimulants) are necessary for existence. So how do you know when something becomes an addiction?

The easiest way to know this is to CHECK YOUR INTENTIONS. Be honest with yourself about why you believe you need it. If TV is merely a distraction, if you use food only to nourish your body, if you turn to people and relationships merely to stay connected, you are most likely not addicted to these things.

Another way to test if you’re addicted to something is to GO WITHOUT IT. If you can easily do without it for a while, especially under stressful circumstances, you are most likely not addicted.

But if you compulsively do any of the following - overeat, get drunk, smoke, gamble, take drugs, cling to relationships and people, exercise too much, watch too much p0rn or do anything to bliss out - you may be using it to fill that hole in your soul, to mask your disconnection from the true nature of your being.

If that’s so, then you need to rediscover your life purpose and reconnect with Source, by doing the psychological and spiritual work you need to become whole again. Some of the attitudes that helped me heal are:

• Self-awareness: Becoming an observer of my emotions and reactions
• Self-love: Knowing that I am worthy of love, that it has to come from within me. Learning how to develop high self-esteem and stronger boundaries.
• Self-acceptance: Learning to accept my flaws and forgive myself for my mistakes.
• Detachment: Detaching from a situation so I can respond appropriately.
• Overcoming my fears: Learning to act from Love (Higher Self) rather than Fear (Ego)

Check out these resources on dealing with addiction and connecting to higher self.

Popularity: 7% [?]

One of the best books I’ve read in recent times, is Marie Forleo’s rather misleadingly titled “Make Every Man Want You (or Make Yours Want You More).” In fact, it’s so good I read it twice.

In her honest, funny and refreshingly candid way, Marie, a world-renowned life coach and fitness personality, tells you how to become so damn irresistible, you’ll barely keep from dating yourself.

But don’t let the catchy title fool you, because it’s more a self-help book than a relationship book. And by being “irresistible”, Marie doesn’t just mean looking good, but being the best person you can be.

As one reviewer notes, her advice almost reads like the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism, as she explains how women sabotage a good relationship, simply because of unattractive habits and false beliefs about men and love:

Her “Time-Tested Truths” from Chapter 3 are:

1. A Relationship Will Not Save You
2. Relationships Are Spiritual Opportunities, Not a Needs Exchange
3. Life Is Now: This Is It!
4. Men Are As-Is Merchandise or Love ‘Em or Leave ‘Em, Baby!
5. If You Want Guarantees In Love, You Don’t Want Love

But it’s the last point here that really got me thinking. Most women go looking for love with an eye on the goal - commitment or marriage. But, in love there ARE no guarantees! And although we make lists of things we want in a man, no one can truly guarantee that the man you fall in love with will be anything like the one you imagine.

Because being in love means having to surrender completely, to be vulnerable to hurt, to pain, to heartache. It means being willing to live with uncertainty, with change, and loss. With the possibility that your feelings may never be reciprocated, or that you may lose the thing you cherish most.

It means facing your deepest fears, and doing the thing you fear most. It means being authentic, being willing to face rejection, giving up expectations of another person “meeting your needs”.

It means being willing to live in the moment, and accepting that it’s all we really have. And sometimes, it means being willing to let go of the relationship, if that’s what it takes, to keep the love you share.

After I lost my husband and companion of 18 years, I honestly began to wonder if it was all worth it. I asked myself, if I had to fall in love, be vulnerable, experience all the pain and the tears I experienced with and without him, would I do it all over again. And the answer most definitely is, yes!

Because there’s no life without love. Without the sharing, and the laughter, the precious moments we cherish more than money, success and achievement. And yes, there’s no love without the pain, conflict and loss that are part of any relationship.

If you want a relationship that has to be defined in words, or boundaries, or legalese. If you demand guarantees, if you can’t be happy just living in the moment and enjoying the person you’re with, it’s not love you’re looking for, but acceptance - from yourself, from family, friends and society.

Love may not be enough to make a marriage work. But it sure as hell makes life worth living.

Recommended Resources:

Make Every Man Want You More with Marie Forleo and Amy Waterman

This is a course for real women, women with minds and intellects, women who want to attract men without compromising their integrity. Marie and Amy have cleverly incorporated the concept of “living in the moment” or “living in the now” into their course.

Authors and thinkers from Eckhart Tolle to Wayne Dyer have discussed this concept widely, and now Marie and Amy have taken this concept and applied it to the dating world. Marie tell us how your irresistibility lies in this moment, because this is where life happens. It’s not about aiming towards creating happiness in your future; it is about making it happen in this moment. This is a course that teaches the philosophy of being fully engaged in your life, being fully awake, and conscious.

This course is a refreshing look at attracting men because it doesn’t start by trying to “fix” you. It doesn’t assume you are “broken,” but asks you to acknowledge your past, but not to be defined by it. Every moment you are in is said to be brand new, has never happened before, and will never happen again.

Popularity: 7% [?]

In between stocking up on sunscreen, packing suitcases and drying my daughter’s tears over her missing ducky swimsuit, I just thought I’d share with you a lovely post from my friend, Gopal, before I leave for my vacation in Goa.

It has so many ways to improve your life, many of which I’ve learned only in recent years. And I hope it gets your New Year off to a great start!

1. Never put yourself last.
2. When you extend a helping hand to one person, be careful not to kick someone else in the teeth.
3. Always own a pair of old, faded jeans.
4. Count your blessings every day.
5. Acknowledge your successes along with your downfalls.
6. Burn the candle that has been in storage for the last two years.
7. Strive for progress, not perfection.
8. Remember, the voice telling you that you cannot do something is always lying.
9. At least once a day sit and do nothing.
10. Don’t close your heart so tightly against life’s pain that you shut out life’s blessings.
11. Celebrate all your birthdays no matter how old you get.
12. Examine your life for limitations and ask yourself why you put them there.
13. Plant a tree, pull weeds, or get your hands dirty.
14. Diminish your wants instead of increasing your needs.
15. Cry when you feel like it.
16. Rejoice in other people’s triumphs.
17. Don’t wait for someone else to laugh or express joy.
18. Forgive yourself for any mistake you make, no matter how big or small.
19. Keep good company.
20. Never take a pill for a pain you need to feel.
21. Use your enthusiasm to put yourself in forward gear and give yourself a spark to move ahead.
22. Look in the eyes of the ones you love when you are talking to them.
23. Remember that one is a whole number.
24. Walk in a summer rain shower without an umbrella.
25. Do a kind deed for someone else.
26. Keep your eyes and ears open to get the messages you need from people and events in your daily life.
27. Be patient.
28. Eat something green.
29. Change what you can and leave the rest alone.
30. Walk hand and hand with truth.
31. Make laughter and joy a greater part of your life than anger and grief.
32. Embrace solitude instead of running from it.
33. Be zealous, not jealous.
34. Forgive anyone you’ve been holding a grudge against.
35. Slow down and enjoy the present.
36. Walk in others’ shoes before judging them.
37. Send yourself a kind message.
38. Remind yourself that the company you keep is a reflection of what you think of yourself.
39. Go on a picnic.
40. Accept your fears, no matter how crazy they seem.
41. Don’t let other people’s opinions shape who you are.
42. Say a prayer.
43. Never attribute your accomplishments to luck or chance.
44. Know when to say no.
45. Look at the positive side of negative situation.
46. Remember that you are a spiritual being in a physical body.
47. Avoid seeking out other people for constant approval, because it makes them the master and you the slave.
48. Go fly a kite.
49. Avoid fads and bandwagons.
50. Accept the things you cannot change.
51. Look inside instead of outside yourself for answers to life’s problems.
52. Remember that all feelings are okay.
53. Shield yourself from bad influences.
54. Stand up for what you believe in.
55. Respect the wishes of others when they say no.
56. Seize every moment and live it fully.
57. Give away or sell anything you haven’t used in the past five years.
58. Never downgrade yourself.
59. Take responsibility for what you think, feel and do.
60. Pamper yourself.
61. Never say or do anything abusive to a child.
62. Let yourself be God powered instead of flying solo.
63. Volunteer to help someone in need.
64. Refrain from overindulging in food, drink and work.
65. Finish unfinished business.
66. Be spontaneous.
67. Find a constructive outlet for your anger.
68. Think about abundance instead of lack, because whatever you think
about expands.
69. Think of yourself as the creator of your life, not a victim of circumstances.
70. Cuddle an animal.
71. Be open to life.
72. See success as something you already have, not something you must attain.
73. Experience the splendor and awe of a sunset.
74. When you score a base hit, don’t wish it were a home run.
75. Learn to be in the present moment.
76. Instead of believing in miracles, depend on them.
77. Take a child to the circus.
78. Change your attitude and your whole life will change.
79. Never turn your power over to another person.
80. When your heart is at odds with your head, follow your heart.
81. Always remember that the past is gone forever and the future never comes.
82. Live your life according to what is right for you.
83. Acknowledge your imperfections.
84. Plant a tree and watch it grow.
85. See “friend” instead of “enemy” on the face of strangers.
86. Watch an army of ants build their houses and cities and carry food ten times their weight.
87. Believe in something bigger than yourself.
88. Let the playful child within you come out.
89. Make haste slowly.
90. Work through your problems step by step and one day at a time.
91. Accept compliments from others so you can see the truth about yourself.
92. Sit on the lawn without worrying about grass stains.
93. Don’t condemn yourself for your imperfections.
94. Do a humility check periodically by loving the truth about yourself.
95. Tell someone you appreciate them.
96. Never live your life according to what is right for someone else.
97. Talk less and listen more.
98. Admit your wrongdoing and forgive yourself for it.
99. Thrive on inner peace instead of on crises.
100. Affirm all the good things about yourself.
101. Give your loved one a friendly massage.
102. Give all your friends a hug as soon as possible

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2007!

Popularity: 6% [?]

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. But what does spirituality mean to you? Only you can answer that.

To me, being spiritual is not about believing in some esoteric philosophy that 90% of the world cannot access or understand.

Spirituality does not come from a holy book. It is not a complex set of ideas only meant for monks and priests. It’s not about following rituals or having beliefs that exclude other cultures or communities.

The kind of spirituality I believe in is the kind I practice in everyday life. The thoughts I think, the words I speak, the actions I choose, the way I conduct myself when alone or with others, the work I do, the choices I make - the little things I do every day of my life.

To me, all these things are an expression of spirituality:

• Eating food
• Bathing
• Nurturing myself
• Making love
• Expressing gratitude for the abundance in my life
• Expressing love to myself and others
• Setting goals or intentions for my life
• Sharing belly-laughs with a special friend
• Giving a massage
• Watching a sunset
• Being a mother
• Reading a book
• Watching a movie
• Listening to music
• Singing
• Dancing
• Exercising
• Meditating
• Taking a walk
• Planting a tree
• Writing this blog

The information at Heal Past Lives has a lot of concepts that resonate with my own ideas of spirituality. This article, titled Hallmarks of the Spiritually Advanced Being, has a list of 12 simple standards to measure your level of spiritual advancement.

• #1: LOVE - The Spiritually Advanced are models of unconditional LOVE
• #2: JOY - The Spiritually Advanced find JOY in every moment
• #3: TRUTH - The Spiritually Advanced are seekers after TRUTH
• #4: COURAGE - The Spiritually Advanced draw strength from COURAGE
• #5: TRUST - The Spiritually Advanced TRUST unconditionally
• #6: PURPOSE - The Spiritually Advanced are living their PURPOSE in life
• #7: ABUNDANCE - The Spiritually Advanced manifest ABUNDANCE
• #8: CLARITY - The Spiritually Advanced are CLEAR channels for God
• #9: SIMPLICITY - The Spiritually Advanced unfold in SIMPLICITY
• #10: GENTLENESS - The Spiritually Advanced act with GENTLENESS
• #11: GRATITUDE - The Spiritually Advanced are always GRATEFUL
• #12: BALANCE - The Spiritually Advanced maintain BALANCE in living

So how many of these qualities do YOU possess?

Popularity: 4% [?]

The popular notion of love is that it’s a feeling, an emotion. But is that really true? While being in love does generate powerful feelings and emotions, those are just the symptoms or effect of love.

In a spiritual sense, love is a way of life, a way of being. We do not fall in love or feel love. We practice love. Love is about DOING, not feeling.

When you spend time with the people you care about, perform acts of service for them, speak to them in a loving manner, touch or hug them them lovingly, or present them with a token of your appreciation for what they bring to your life, you’re practising the Art of Love.

I’ve been reading a beautiful book called “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman. It’s an excellent resource to learn how to express your love in a way that your mate will understand.

Why is that important, you ask? Well, according to Chapman, each of us has a primary preference for the way we understand love.

The art of effectively communicating love to your mate requires that you gain an understanding of his/her primary love language. Without that understanding, you may be expressing love in a way that YOU understand, but your mate doesn’t.

This gap in communication and understanding is often what causes lovers to feel unappreciated. It’s not a man-woman thing, but a preference created by the way our parents and caregivers expressed love when we were children.

So what are the Five Love Languages? According to Chapman, they are

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

My primary love language is Quality Time, followed by Acts of Service. So if someone were to buy me flowers or gifts, I would appreciate them, but not as much as if they spent time with me, or showed me that they cared by doing little things for me.

Though we have a primary love language, we can learn a second language so that our spouse’s needs are met. It’s all about giving a little here and there, and accepting that our spouse’s preferred channel may be different from ours.

There’s a nice little test you can take here to find out what your primary love language is. This is what my results on the test looked like.

#1 Quality Time: This can be expressed either through those intimate tete-a-tete discussions or via doing things together. It’s possible to get a low score in this category because you have a strong preference for one form of Quality Time over another.

#2 Acts of Service: You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others. You feel put-upon and unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted.

#3 Touch: You want to give and/or receive affection physically. This may or may not center around sex.

#4 Words of Affirmation: You need to hear praise to know you are loved and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Negative comments cut right to the bone. You want to hear that you’re loved and how much and why.

#5 Gifts: You are moved by presents and physical tokens of affection. It’s the fact that someone is thinking about you enough to give you something that moves you. The objects are of secondary importance to the relationship and sentiment with which they were intended.

To transform our relationships, we need to stop getting caught up in feelings and emotions, and start practicing acts of love. When we learn the love languages of each of the people in our lives, we can express our love in more meaningful ways.

Love manuals on my reading list:

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

Buddhist teacher and writer David Richo gives practical and spiritual exercises for couples and singles who want to have mature and lasting relationships. Emphasizing paying attention and letting go, Richo gently and compassionately coaches readers on what he calls the five A’s: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. His book, which proposes “letting go of ego,” will help those seeking personal transformation in their relationships.

The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love

The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love shows us how to push through the fear and negativity that erode relationships, and embrace a life-affirming approach to love.

The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing

Philosophical, inspiring, and ultimately very practical, Deepak Chopra’s The Path to Love is a book that can change lives as it invites the spirit to work its wonders on the most complex and richly rewarding terrain of all: the human heart.

How to Make Love All the Time: Make Love Last a Lifetime

Renowned relationship and self-improvement expert, Barbara DeAngelis, teaches you the secret ingredients for building a successful and exciting relationship — and making love last a lifetime.

Popularity: 7% [?]

The secret to happiness is really very simple. It’s learning to be in the present, in the now. All unhappiness and discontent is the result of living in the past or worrying about the future.

This moment, this second, is the only reality we have. The past is gone. The future doesn’t exist.

The importance of living in the moment is an ancient message, and one that’s been receiving much attention in recent times, thanks to the popularity of authors like Eckhart Tolle.

As the review of his book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, notes:

Living in the now is the truest path to happiness and enlightenment. Our true identity is in our moment-to-moment experiences rather than in our past or future.

Concern about anything but the present is an unhealthy identification with the mind that can only cause pain and an illusion of control. Being totally aware of ourselves in each moment actually requires little effort or direction if we stop our thoughts long enough to find the pure consciousness that exists in the gaps between them.

Living in the moment is called mindfulness - a Buddhist practice whereby a person is intentionally aware of his or her thoughts and actions in the present moment, non-judgmentally. In Buddhism, mindfulness is considered a prerequisite for developing insight and wisdom.

Mindfulness is being aware of your present moment. You are not judging, reflecting or thinking. You are simply observing the moment in which you find yourself. Moments are like a breath. Each breath is replaced by the next breath.

You’re there with no other purpose than being awake and aware of that moment. As John Kabit Zinn says reflecting on a Japanese mindfulness puzzle: “Wherever you go, there you are.”

Most of our unhappiness arises because we view the challenges in our lives as “problems.” But, as Dr. Brenda Shoshanna notes in her ebook, Living By Zen:

Zen practice is the way of no problem, of being fully with each step we take, not looking backwards or forward, just being present fully, one hundred percent. This is the way of not second guessing ourselves, or torturing ourselves with the conflict and remorse that accompanies every choice we make.

In Zen practice we do not make life into a problem, but into a wonderful adventure in which we learn, love, grow and thoroughly enjoy. This is the way of releasing ourselves and others from demands, images and expectations that have little to do with who we truly are now or what is going on in our lives. All experiences are welcomed and fully digested, not judged good or bad.

Mindfulness can be practiced anytime. In fact, you can start right now. By fully experiencing the words you are now reading, the thoughts you are thinking, the feelings you are experiencing.

It can be practised at the dinner table, by fully enjoying, in silence, every bite of food, every sip of water. It can be practised while talking a walk, as in walking meditation, which teaches one to fully experience every step you take.

As an intuitive person, I was unaccustomed to living in the moment. Intuitives have a tendency to live in the past or the future. So, for me, being mindful requires an effort. Traditional mindfulness exercises, like meditation, work well for me because I love quiet, introspective ways of learning.

But meditation is only one way to learn mindfulness and it’s not suitable for everyone. The Real-World Mindfulness Trainingâ„¢ program, developed by Maya Talisman Frost, includes a simple series of activities that anyone can do in order to both broaden and sharpen attention while engaging in daily activities.

If you could train your mind to let go of other desires,
you would be able to experience peace of mind.
The road to peace of mind is through a practice called mindfulness.”
- Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., author, Minding the Body, Mending the Mind

Tags: mindfulness, Buddhism, Zen, Meditation, Spirituality, happiness, Personal Development

Popularity: 8% [?]

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The war against terror cannot be won on the oilfields of Iraq or the ravines of Afghanistan. The battleground is, in fact, much closer to home.

People are mirrors, reflecting back to us the fear and hatred that arises in our own mind.

We hate others when we see in them something we dislike in ourselves. We judge them because we judge ourselves.

We get angry with them because we are angry with ourselves. We treat them as inferior because we see ourselves as unworthy.

The most important relationship in your life is not the one you have with your parents, your mate, or your children. It’s the relationship you have with YOURSELF.

If we treated ourselves half as well as we treat the people we love, we’d never allow the seeds of fear, hate, anger or judgment to take root in our minds and hearts.

When you can look at yourself with love and compassion, and accept yourself without judgement, there will be no room for negativity in your mind.

In a world where everyone loved themselves unconditionally, there would be no place for terror, war, racism or bigotry.

The LOC is in your own thoughts €œ and only you can decide whether you want to control it or let it control you.

Popularity: 17% [?]

A lot of women (and men), myself included, have a very hard time letting go of a relationship that’s not meant to be.

We hold on to the illusion that this person is the One for us, and that if we don’t have him or her, we’ll never find somebody new.

Holding on to disappointment, hurt, blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness, we convince ourselves that all men are jerks or all women are bitches.

If you’ve just got out of a relationship and are harbouring a lot of resentment against your partner or against the opposite sex, now is NOT the time to start dating again.

Anger and bitterness will poison even the most loving relationship. When we hang on to baggage from past relationships, we end up projecting our pain on to others in our lives €œ our families, children and, eventually, our new partners.

Our emotional baggage is usually rooted in our relationships with our own parents, or in bad relationships we’ve had in the past. We have to lighten our load and heal our pain before we can love again.

Some of the practices you need to cultivate in order to heal yourself are:

· Radical Personal Responsibility: Take responsibility for the role you played in your relationship, either by taking inappropriate action, not acting altogether or expecting too much. Stop blaming your partner. Own your feelings, so you can change them.

· Self-Awareness: Are there patterns that keep repeating in your relationships? Do you have a tendency to get into relationships with abusive people, or become abusive yourself? Become mindful of your reactions to people and situations. Learn to identify your patterns, and the unhealthy beliefs that are causing them.

· Acceptance: Accept yourself and your partner the way you are. Accept the fact that the relationship was not meant to be, that it didn’t work because it was not your highest and best.

· Forgiveness: Learn to forgive yourself for all the damage that your anger and pain may have caused, and forgive others for being human and acting out their own anger and pain.

· Gratitude: Be grateful that you’re out of a bad relationship, so you can be with someone better suited to your needs. Be grateful for all the lessons you’ve learned from your partner.

· Compassion: Learn to look at all people as human beings dealing with their own pain. Spend some time seeing the world through their eyes and you’ll become less judgmental.

· Detachment: Learn to let go of unhealthy attachments to people, things and situations.

· Independence: Stop expecting other people to give you the love and acceptance you should be giving yourself. Learn to meet your own needs, let go of expectations, and enter a healthy, inter-dependent relationship.

· Optimism: Optimism is not essential, but it makes life so much easier. It was my optimistic outlook, positive attitude and belief that everything happens for the best, that helped me bounce back from tragedy. Have faith that the best is yet to come.

It’s been over a year since my husband passed away and I’ve spent the better part of the last year dealing with my own pain and grief. I realised that until I took responsibility for my own feelings, I was never going to be able to have a healthy partnership with a man.

It took a lot of tears, hard work, introspection, and spiritual practice to break the chains of the past. What made it harder was that I chose to do it on my own, instead of taking help.

But it was worth every moment! And the feeling of freedom and contentment that I experienced was just awesome.

Getting rid of my anger and hurt helped me stop blaming others for my pain, and allowed me to see men as they really are €œ wonderful, sensitive human beings who have the capacity to love, to care, and to hurt just as deeply as women.

It also allowed me to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships. I’m in no hurry to start dating again, but I know that I have the maturity to separate my own issues from those that arise in a relationship between two people.

I’ve also learned that if something is not working, it’s probably not meant to be. You can’t force someone to love you, just as you can’t force commitment or marriage. These are stages that should happen naturally, when it feels right for both people.

Contrary to popular opinion (and the myths propagated by sad love songs) love is not meant to hurt. If you’re in pain, what you’re experiencing is not love, but attachment or codependence. Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love.

It’s best to let go of a relationship that’s causing too much pain. Instead of wallowing in the past and writing your own sad love song, do your inner work, get rid of the anger and disappointment and get on with your life. Let go of your partner with love, so you can move past your hurt and learn to love again.

Here’s a list of some books that helped me in my own quest to let go of the past.

Recommended Reading:

Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One
This book by relationship expert, John Gray, probably helped me more than any other book I read in the last year. It has practical exercises for working out your anger, pain and resentment. I credit these exercises with helping me clear my old baggage and get free.

Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
This amazing book by Margaret Paul helped me identify my own patterns of codependence and learn to meet my emotional needs without turning to another person. Get it if you have emotional dependence issues.

It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy
Extremely funny and enjoyable, this book is a hilarious look at break-ups and shows you how to deal with your break-up in a healthy and dignified (read, non-psychotic) manner.

He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
If you’re in denial about whether the man in your life is really the One, you gotta read this funny take on the sorry excuses men make to avoid telling you the truth €œ that they’d much rather be somewhere else than with you.

Popularity: 22% [?]