Soul Kadee

I promised my friend and healer, Leo, that I’d write up a testimonial for him on how his 10-day meditation workshop has transformed me and helped me heal. So here it is.

The Meditation Workshop That Changed My Life

I consider myself a living, breathing testimonial to the life-changing benefits of meditation.

Two years ago, my world fell apart when I lost my husband and partner of 18 years to a sudden heart attack. At the age of 35, I was widowed, and rudderless. I lost my focus, my business was suffering, and I found myself unable to open up or trust myself enough to get into a healthy relationship.

Over a year ago, I was introduced to meditation and spirituality by my friend and healer, Leonard Velloz of Holistic Studio, and have been practicing regular meditations to calm my mind and get in touch with my inner feelings.

About two months ago, having decided to take my life firmly in my hands and clear the blocks that were preventing me from gaining focus and achieving my goals, I decided to take Leo’s 10-day meditation course, which included two aura scans, to assess my progress before and after the course.

Leo was very clear that unless I was totally committed to making the effort I needed to change my patterns, he would not even consider working with me. As I’ve often written on this blog, I’m well aware of the fact that all change must come from within.

No person can force another to change, and all therapists and healers only aid and facilitate change in oneself. That is why commitment is crucial for any inner work to be effective.

Before beginning the work, the image of the aura scan showed that my lower chakras were very imbalanced. The before image of my aura scan clearly shows a band of red encircling the heart chakra, signifying anger, rejection and lack of self-forgiveness and self-love, that had manifested in health issues, including an auto-immune condition. The lower chakras were also imbalanced, resulting in self-esteem and security issues.

Over the next ten days, Leo took me through a series of meditations that involved grounding, and clearing the blocks in my chakras. He helped me identify childhood issues that I had not dealt with, and guided me through the psychological and spiritual work required to clear them from my emotional body.

It took a great deal of commitment on my part, especially when dealing with painful issues concerning my family and loved ones, but I give myself credit for putting in the hard work and clearing most of my emotional baggage. As the after aura scan shows, my lower chakras are much more balanced, with more grounding, and opening up of the heart chakra.

I know that healing some issues of the heart will take more time, but after the course, I’ve become very calm, peaceful and contented. This change was clearly seen in the colour of my aura, which went from Indigo (deep inner feelings, inner knowing, intuitive, sensitive) to Blue (communicative, loving, loyal, sensitive, helpful).

According to the site here,

Indigo colored auras usually indicate an advanced soul and part of their soul purpose will be as a healer or teacher. The Indigo generation is known as the “Warrior” generation. They will challenge all old and out-of-date systems that no longer nourish the soul and allow the spirit free expression. The Indigo generation is here to bring in the new age of peace. They will break down the old systems with their warrior spirit, their wisdom and their intuitive, creative ways.

You can read up more on common characteristics of Indigo souls here. I easily relate to most of these characteristics, especially the description of the Indigo warrior spirit, fighting as always, for peace, justice and environmental causes. Empathy for the suffering of others, anger at injustice and stupidity, strong intuitive ability, interest in spirituality, and a loathing for “the system” and superficial people, are all Indigo characteristics I relate to.

People with blue auras are described in the manner below, and in greater depth here (which contains much of the information in the Aura scan report that Leo gave me).

Depth of feeling, devotion, loyalty, trust, desire to communicate. Puts great importance on personal relationships. Empathetic. May be a dreamer or have artistic ability. Possibly tend to put the needs of others before their own and may have the ability to meditate, and live in the moment. Blue may be emotionally sensitive, intuitive, inwardly focused, may enjoy solitude, non-competitive activities, be receptive and desire unity, peace, love and affection in relationships with others. They need a calm and tranquil environment. You’ll find many blue artists, poets, writers, musicians, philosophers, serious students, spiritual seekers, and people looking for truth, justice and beauty in everything.

What really amazed me about Leo’s meditation course was that it didn’t require years of painful, long drawn-out therapy for me to clear issues that existed even from my childhood. Just ten days of powerful, guided meditations have put me firmly on the track to recovery.

Leo was so pleased by my progress, that we decided I was ready to take on more initiations and advance my spiritual growth further. I continue to meditate regularly and grow emotionally and spiritually. Although I do experience moments of stress, I am much more self-aware and mindful of my reactions, and can deal with stress in a much healthier way than I used to.

I’ve also become a better mom, and am more patient, calm and consistent with my daughter. We recently went on vacation in Goa, spent time together, bonding beautifully and enjoying each other’s company.

I feel more balanced and centred, and am no longer as reactive or emotionally volatile as I used to be. I know I have healthier self-esteem, and a great deal of self-love. I’ve always been an introvert, but today, thanks to Leo’s help, I am more appreciative of my strengths, and am learning to trust my intuition to help me make better choices.

I practice affirmations and positive self-talk, and no longer criticise myself the way I used to. I’ve also learned to respect and value myself, honour my feelings, assert myself more, and refuse to settle for less than I deserve, whether in my relationships, or in my business.

I am no longer in a great rush to achieve, but am learning to open up and surrender to Divine Will and a higher guidance. I’ve finally found my life purpose in empowering other women like me, with the skills to overcome life’s obstacles.

In fact, Leo’s course helped me become so focused and confident, that I managed to achieve my goal of starting a series of workshops with the goal to empower women, through my online magazine, Naaree.com.

With Leo’s continuing help, I now intend to learn how to set stronger boundaries, and make better choices in relationships and in life.

Leo may be contacted for meditations and other holistic services at Holistic Studio.

Popularity: 11% [?]

Problems cannot be solved
at the same level of awareness that created them.
- Albert Einstein

The Law of Attraction teaches that, to change your circumstances, you must change the way you think and feel. To attract something or someone into your life, you must raise your vibrational frequency to match that of the object you desire.

So how DO you raise your vibration? Simply by choosing experiences that raise your emotional set point, or as the teachers call it, following your bliss. As Sherry Binkelman explains in her article, Raising Your Vibration,

The influences upon which we focus our attention or thoughts are those that determine or define our vibration. Negative vibrations are associated with the lower chakras, with what we consider to be “negative” emotions or feelings, including hatred, anger, doubt, fear (of loss, lack, failure) jealousy, envy, judgment, (both judgment of others and self-judgment) impatience, disharmony, imbalance, insecurity. Positive vibrations are those such as love, harmony, peace, balance, kindness, understanding, compassion. Our vibration attracts to us experiences of like vibration, and also attracts to us people who are of the same vibrational frequency.

Many LOA books, including the ones by Abraham-Hicks, offer processes (22, no less) to raise your vibration to one of optimism and joy, at which point you start to manifest your desires.

It’s really not as complicated as it seems. Instinctively, we all know what we need to feel good. But, blissing out doesn’t mean using drugs, alcohol or prescription meds as uppers. That’s just a way of avoiding your issues, and will ultimately land you in rehab.

Following your bliss is about CHOOSING to be happy, choosing to be in a state of joy and love, as much as possible. It’s about doing work that you’re passionate about, being with people who help you grow and thrive, and choosing experiences that take you to a higher place.

Here’s a list of my personal favourite ways to raise my vibration. Perhaps you can relate to some of them, too.

1. Solitude: This is essential for me, because as an introvert, highly sensitive person, empath, being around people for too long drains me and makes me very crabby. I really need my space, and my time alone helps me recharge my batteries.

2. Reading a good book: As a child, my only escape from the reality of my unhappy existence was to create a fantasy world (helped a great deal by the creations of Enid Blyton, Richmal Crompton, Hans Christian Anderson, the Grimm brothers and Robert Louis Stevenson) of heroes, pirates, detectives and dragon-slayers. I spent my entire childhood daydreaming and visualising - valuable skills that I now make full use of, since they work so well in manifestation. In recent times, I’ve become a fan of audiobooks, as well, because they help me absorb information much faster. Besides providing fodder for my fertile imagination, books have introduced me to the thoughts and ideas of great men and women, and helped me learn many lessons without having to experience them for myself.

3. Meditation, Affirmations, Energy work: The reason I talk about these methods so much is because my life changed a great deal since I started using them. They helped me tune into my emotional guidance system, and my inner guidance, and start making better choices based on my intuition. I use meditation everyday for grounding and clearing my energy, and affirmations to keep my thoughts happy and positive. I just completed a meditation course with my healer, Leo, and we worked on a lot of issues, cleared up a lot of emotional baggage. And it didn’t take years of painful therapy, just 10-sessions of Leo’s powerful healing techniques (will write more about them soon). Meditation and other energy work, like Reiki (I just completed the second level), have helped me heal emotional blocks and childhood scars, which prevented me from attracting the things I desire into my life.

4. Music: Born in a family of musicians, jazz, blues and classical music on the old 48 rpm were a staple diet in our home. One of my favourite memories is of my Grandpa, Martin, entertaining us with his old ragtime numbers on our piano. Another fun family outing was visiting the theatre (we didn’t have DVDs back then) to see a Hollywood musical. I still enjoy musicals and Disney movies. Music can make me smile, laugh, even cry (though I avoid that as much as possible). It’s something I can plug into anytime, anywhere. Definitely one of my best uppers.

5. Dancing: If you’re Goan (or married to one), you can’t escape the old Latin numbers, the waltzes, the cha-chas, and the Mexican shuffle that’s a must at every wedding. Is it any wonder that Goans are happy people? In fact, I love dancing so much, I took a salsa class, and every so often, put on a CD of Latin music, or J. Lo, and groove to the beat with complete abandon. Next on my list are belly dancing and flamenco classes.

6. Exercise: This is one thing I really need to get more of. There’s nothing like a good workout, whether it involves aerobics, yoga or, my personal favourite, Tai Chi, to boost my mood. Endorphins apart, just getting off my ass and stretching my muscles can raise my vibration a few notches.

7. Laughter: I believe that laughter is one of the most spiritual things in the world. A good belly laugh makes you forget all your woes, and lifts your vibration like nothing else. Reading silly jokes forwarded by email, listening to funny stories, watching reruns of Mr. Bean, Friends, Will and Grace, Frasier, and of course, a little Leno, is a great way to wrap up the day with happy feelings.

8. A good movie: Barring horror movies, the sad ones (like Mira Nair’s Water, which, though great cinema, was horribly depressing) and the gruesome ones, I can enjoy a good movie anytime, anywhere. I loved The Pursuit of Happyness, because it ended on a happy note (even though I used up a whole tissue in the first half). I could actually feel the energy rise in the theatre when the main protagonist achieves his goal after so much hardship. I thoroughly enjoyed Dreamgirls and Shall We Dance, for the music and dance. I especially enjoy fantasy, like Bridge To Terabithia, which I must say, made a remarkably strong case for using your imagination to create your own reality. I make it a point to go see a movie (or catch one on the telly) at least once a week. It gives me a good feeling that lasts for days on end. Here’s a little something for you. Download this feel-good (and free) movie, The Secret To You, and watch it daily. It’s slickly produced, a delight to watch and will raise your vibration instantly. You’ll find more free stuff for good vibes here.

9. A long, hot bath: Who doesn’t love a long, hot bath? That must be, like, a universal upper. Just give me a tub, hot water, and some bubble bath, and I’m in heaven.

10. Getting a massage: My favourite way (though a bit expensive, at Rs 800 a pop for an experienced masseuse) to de-stress and relax. Having someone knead my tired muscles is instant bliss.

11. Being a mom: My little girl really IS the best upper a mom could ever have (when she isn’t testing my patience, that is). Watching her grow, admiring her sweet face when she’s sleeping (or is that my relief showing?), taking her on a holiday for two, listening to her child-like wisdom, sharing her joy when she learns a new tune on the piano, gets a certificate for academic achievement, or a new Barbie or game - these are some of the most memorable moments of my life. It reminds me of a line from the movie Hitch, where Will Smith’s character says, Life is not how many breaths you take, it’s how many moments take your breath away.

12. Being with people I love: I’m the kind of person who has very few close friends, some whom I’ve known since my college days. But they’re very special to me, and I make it a point to maintain these friendships, and spend quality time in the company of these special people who nurture me.

13. Watching a sunset: In a concrete jungle like Mumbai, there’s really very little of Mother Nature left to commune with. Watching the sunset at Marine Drive is the closest someone like me can get to enjoy the glory of Creation. Unless, of course, I’m holidaying in Goa.

14. Being creative: Expressing your creativity is a wonderful way of raising your vibration. Creative expression, whether in the form of art, writing, sculpture, pottery, design, or even being more creative in the workplace, is very therapeutic because it puts us in alignment with our desires. My favourite way of expressing my creativity are, writing this blog, creating new websites, and coming up with new ideas to promote them.

15. Making someone smile: Nothing compares to that wonderful feeling of joy, when you know you’ve made a difference in someone’s life. It’s then that you know your life has meaning, and that you’re in alignment with your life purpose. I’m lucky to have been blessed with many such moments, and thank the Creator for all of them.

16. Gratitude: Being thankful reminds me of another of my favourite ways to raise my vibration - and one recommended by all the LOA teachers. Spending some time everyday, appreciating and being grateful for the abundance €œ of love, wealth and joy €œ in my life, and realising how privileged I am to have all these things, never fails to bring me joy. In all my dealings with people, there are two phrases that I make it a point to use as often as possible. They are Please and Thank you. No matter how tiny the gesture, I try never to take people and their generosity for granted. And trust that they will accord me the same treatment.

17. Being good to myself: LOA teachers all agree that self-love is the first step to raising your vibe. You can’t attract anything good unless you feel good about yourself. There was a time in my life when I engaged in negative self-talk, was very harsh on myself, and put everyone else’s feelings before my own. I had a hard time saying no and allowed people to take advantage of my generosity. Today, I take care of my feelings, am learning to set stronger boundaries, say No when I need to, and love and accept myself the way I am. As Sherry explains, Loving oneself is a wonderful way to raise one’s vibration, because each thought or act of self love sends out a vibration of love to the Universe, adding to the Light.

18. Making love: Oooh yeah!

So how many of these did you relate to? And which methods do you use to raise your vibration? Do share, so we can all benefit from your experience.

Popularity: 19% [?]

Meditation can improve your health, increase energy levels and maximize your enjoyment of life. Without a doubt, more people would benefit from meditation if they took the time to practice the simple exercises used to calm the mind, reduce stress and increase energy levels.

So What Is Meditation?
======================

Meditation is a way to transform and heal ourselves. When we meditate, we allow the swirl of ideas and thoughts to slow down to the point where we find a calm and positive connection with ourselves. Although there are many different ways to meditate, all styles teach the directing of the attention in order to re-connect with the part of yourself that is most real and most true.

Why We Need To Meditate
=======================

Unfortunately, we do not walk through the world as children do. We all face difficult and stressful situations throughout the course of life. But rather than beginning each day afresh, we tend to gather the world and carry the negativity of the past with us. The happy and contented person you were becomes covered over by these emotions. Suddenly you feel unhappy and dissatisfied, and even worse; often the process is so subtle, you don’t know why.

Meditation is a way of cutting through those layers of past emotion and excessive thinking. Instead of our minds and bodies being at the mercy of life, we take back control. We focus the attention in a deliberate way, and slowly see the false layers of ourselves begin to dissolve as we return once again to the source of our happiness.

Although meditation is an ancient art dating back thousands of years, modern scientific research now confirms what ancient wisdom discovered long ago. Study after study shows that meditation brings about improved perception, focus, memory and creativity. Regular meditators are healthier, happier, more relaxed, and more productive.

The True Purpose of Meditation
==============================

The seductive appeal of mystic visions, psychic intuition and heightened mental functioning can be very alluring. While some meditators report esoteric experiences, the experiences themselves should not be the primary reason for practice.

The purpose of meditation is to transform the state of our hearts and minds and bring us back to ourselves. As we become healthier, happier and realize greater self-awareness, more benefits begin to follow naturally — improved mental functioning, greater intuition as well as greater access to unconscious resources and abilities.

The Best Style of Meditation
============================

Always keep an open mind in your learning. Never accept a teaching without verifying the truth of it in your own experience. On the other hand, reserve making judgment in advance of having the experience for yourself.

The best style of meditation is the one that feels right for you. There are many different systems of meditation including, but not limited to Concentration, Mindfulness, Zen, Visualization and Devotion. You may decide to experiment with a few different styles and see how they feel. Find one or two styles that you like and then major in those. Above all, pay attention to your self and make sure your meditation feels right for you.

Make Meditation A Daily Practice
================================

You can be stronger in your self. You can be happier, more balanced and compassionate. You can manifest the changes you truly want to see in your life through meditation. You don’t need to give up all your worldly passions or retreat to a Himalayan monastery either!

A daily ten-minute practice can make all the difference. It’s not much time to dedicate when you consider all the time spent caring for your physical appearance. After all, you wouldn’t go out to an important meeting or social occasion without clean clothes and brushing your teeth.

What about the mind and body — the instruments through which we perceive and interact with reality? Does it not make sense to take the time to clean up our attitude and the way we feel as well?

Copyright Matt Clarkson, Author of Secrets of Meditation, Energy and Manifestation . Want to learn how to quiet the mind, super-charge your energy level and manifest what you truly desire in your life? Remember, this article is only a tiny sampling of what’s waiting for you inside Secrets of Meditation, Energy and Manifestation.

Popularity: 8% [?]

I love writing this blog. Not just because it’s very therapeutic to share my thoughts and emotions, but also because, every once in a while, someone will send me the sort of letter that D (name withheld on request) here sent me.

Hi Priya,

I just stumbled across your soulkadee website a few weeks ago, when I was surfing the net, looking for some answers to the problems I am facing in my life. The blogs I read have truly transformed my life!

Some of them like the Boundaries one, and the Stupid mistakes… and Intuition ones have opened my eyes to the reasons why I am facing the current situation in my life (a big mess right now L), and have given me a lot of strength to stand up for myself, and believe in my own worth.

I now read ur site everyday, and find new inspirations and positive ideas. Just thought I would say Thank you, and let u know that ur journey of self-growth has sparked many on their own..

Regards,
D

Thanks, D, for letting me share your letter here. I love knowing I can help someone see things in a different light. It’s what motivates me to keep writing.

Popularity: 6% [?]

I’m thrilled with the outcome of Naaree.com’s free Intuition Workshop, titled ‘Develop Your Sixth Sense’, that we held on Sunday, 11th March, 2007, in Mumbai. It was a great success and we had some wonderful sharing and feedback from participants. A camera crew from Times Now covered the event. We’ll let you know when they air it on TV.

One of the participants, wrote to me saying:

Hi Priya,

It was a pleasure to have met you yesterday. Thanks for the efforts you took in organising the workshop.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also read many of your postings on soulkadee.com.

Very wonderful and insightful.

Thanks again!

Hema.

The workshop was conducted by psychologist and trainer, Tarannum Siddiqui, who has six years of experience in training and conducting enlightenment workshops, to help people to better their visionary skills and perpetual insight.

Tarannum elucidated all the four psychic senses: feeling, gut feeling, intuition and vision. Feelers are people who feel the positive and negative vibes from all the people who are around them. If a feeler is near a positive person he will feel good and if near a negative person he will feel low.

Tarannum explained that though research showed women were more intuitive than men, men are more likely to trust their hunches and gut feeling. Women tend to doubt themselves and don’t trust their intuition as much as they should.

Read the update on Naaree.com’s Develop Your Sixth Sense workshop

Popularity: 7% [?]

Do you feel overwhelmed and at odds with your life? Does it seem like your mind rambles incessantly, as if you can never experience a moment of peace? Many people in our modern world describe their lives as frenzied and imbalanced. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way.

Many Asian cultures have understood something for the past several thousand years that modern people are gradually beginning to discover: That we have to learn how to work with our minds in a conscious and healthy way if we are to attract peace, abundance, and joy into our lives.

Without a consistent method of cultivating awareness, we will be forever resigned to circumstances that feel out of our control. That is why so many modern people are struggling. We have lost the ancient practice of connecting our inner world of thoughts, feelings, and energy with our outer world of the circumstances we attract into our lives.

Because of this, everything that appears seems to be random. We lose trust in the unfolding of the universe. As a result, our minds are filled with anxiety and worry, which only attracts more seeming chaos and confusion into our lives. Does this sound familiar?

The law of attraction states that what you focus on expands. If your thoughts and feelings resonate with anxiety and confusion, then you will attract more of those qualites to you through your relationships, work, finances, etc. The key is not to trick our minds into creating positive thoughts through affirmations or other methods, but to develop space around the workings of our minds altogether. Herein lies the magic of mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness is a method of becoming acutely aware of everything that happens within the scope of our perception. We shed light on what we think, feel, and sense. We make conscious all of the subconscious material that typically sabotages our good intentions. We don’t try to change it. Instead, we just become extremely aware of it.

We do this by sitting still and doing nothing but watching how our mind works without attachment or judgment. We just sit and witness what takes place within us and we start to draw parallels between what we believe to be true and what we are constantly attracting into our lives.

Many people, particulalry Westerners, try meditation for a period of time and then give up after getting frustrated with the process. This is because we are always looking for results. We are deeply attached to our expectations of what should happen. Most of us try to use meditation to shut our minds down, to dwell in a space of ‘no thought.’ If you try to use meditation to stop thinking, you are in for a rude surprise. You simply cannot do it. In fact, the harder you try to stop thinking, the louder and more obnoxious your thoughts become. This is not the way.

The main intention of mindfulness is to be fundamentally OK with whatever arises as you practice. Whether you have a good thought or a bad thought, you give it the same attention. You remain neutral. By doing this, you stop feeding the energy of your thoughts. This is the first step in cutting through the vicious cycle of thought-feeling-reaction that keeps so many of us habitually attracting the wrong kinds of energy, people, and circumstances into our lives.

If we believe what we think, the energy of the thought will evolve into a feeling. The momentum of the feeling will cause us to react to it, which will create a cause in the world that will always lead to an effect. The effect will always be a reflection of that initial thought impulse. So, if your thoughts are habitually centered around negativity, greed, fear, or narcissism, then the effects you will see in your life will mirror this back to you.

Mindfulness is a process of becoming truly proactive for the first time in your life. Most of the time, we are just reacting to what we think and feel, which brings us endless cycles of conflict and disappointment. When we remain neutral to our thoughts and feelings, then we will gradually make contact with an aspect of ourselves that is spontaneous and awake.

We will act (not react) from this place. We will attract what we truly desire into our lives based on a conscious process of heightening our senses. And, yes, at some point the mind does slow down. We experience wonderful and refreshing moments of peace and openness. The universe is naturally seen as a benevolent place.

Instead of our typical attempts to outsmart the universe, mindfulness is a humbling process of surrender and gratitude.

Cultivate space, endless space, around your thoughts and feelings. Allow your spirit to inhabit your body fully. Don’t buy into self-defeating storylines and beliefs. Don’t try to force yourself to see the positive in life or repeat useless affirmations that you have no innate connection with.

Instead, taste the perfection of this moment as it is. If you can feel in your bones that you are fundamentally OK and that life is precious, you will attract much more meaningful relationships with people, better health, more fulfilling work and more prosperity on all levels of being. That is the power of mindfulness.

Kevin Doherty, L.Ac., MS is a licensed acupuncturist in private practice in Superior, Co. where he teaches many of his patients how to meditate for better health and overall life balance. To learn more about Kevin and his approach to meditation, go to http://www.mindfulnesscd.net

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Popularity: 8% [?]

I’m sure you read a lot of times this sentence : you need first to love yourself.
But what does that mean? Is it about getting you a hot chocolate when you are cold? Is it about getting you a new dress when you feel like it? Is it doing whatever you want when you want it? Is it about putting warm clothes on when it’s freezing outside?

Loving yourself means to learn to treat you like a loving parent would do with his child.

When you are an adult, and I assume you are, you still have an Inner Child inside you. These are your emotions. At that level you still react like a child of 3-4 years old. Your emotions can not get older or mature. But you can get mature. You can learn how to respect them and how to handle them. You can learn how to take care of this Inner Child.

When you are not aware of your Inner Child, you try to live in an adult world like a 4-year old boy or girl. You feel all alone, afraid of the big nasty world there outside, not knowing what to do, where to ask for help, how to protect you. This is a very difficult way of doing. You will always feel afraid, fearful, doubtful, tired. It is hard to try to survive as a child in a grown up world. You will feel angry and afraid most of the time, and lost.

Why is that? Because nobody takes care of that Little Child inside you.

Let’s say your name is Charlotte. You are 42 years old. Inside you lives the little Charlotte. She’s four. When you are busy in the outside world taking care of other people, of business, of getting around, of doing a thousand things every day, the little Charlotte will feel overlooked.

When you’re always running to help others, to make sure their needs are fulfilled, you will be exhausted every night and cry in your bed. Sometimes you will get temper tantrums. You will feel very angry without any reason (but still there is one, a big one!).

All these big emotions are attempts from your Inner Child to get your attention.

Imagine you have, besides your children, husband, collegues, parents, friends, a little four-year old girl named Charlotte. Nobody ever notices her. Nobody takes care of her. Whenever she tries to tell something and get some attention, you shout to her Shut up!. You say I have to take care of my parents, my work, my husband, my paperwork, my friends, my other children, my house¦ I don’t have time for you!

How do you think she will feel? What do you think she will do? First she will try to get your attention by showing big emotions. She will cry a lot, she will scream and shout, maybe she’s getting aggressive from time to time.

You think you’re angry at the outside world, but it is Your Inner Child that is angry with YOU! She’s sad and angry because you don’t care about her! You act as if she doesn’t exist! Nothing is worse than acting as if our Inner Child doesn’t exist. This means trying to live as if WE don’t exist.

The worst feeling in the world is being unloyal to one’s self. Nothing is worse than this!

How many times did we ignore what we felt, to please someone else. How many times did we say to our Inner Child Shut up, you are not important, the other one is far more important than you are, go away, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you? Awful isn’t it? And we do this every time we let come the desire of the other one before ours.

This little Charlotte inside, what will she do? She will give up after a while. After trying a long time to show her emotions, she will give up. She will get very tired of all this and she will say :It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to take care of me, I’m not worth it, and she will get depressed.

Of course you will think you get depressed because of others, because of your work, because of your children, because of your husband or parents. It is nobody’s fault. But you have to learn how to take care of this Inner Child which is suffering from your lack of attention to her.

When, after getting depressed things still don’t change, there’s one weapon left to catch your attention : little Charlotte will get sick. Or she will get an accident. Maybe that way the adult Charlotte will learn to give finally attention to her Inner Child, which is as real (if not more) as a real child of flesh and blood.

You need to learn how to be a loving parent for yourself.

What does that mean?

First you need to develop an Inner Mother. If you were lucky and had a loving caring mother, you can take her as an exemple. Otherwise you need to invent, to create this Inner Mother, which is your feminine caring energy.

Everytime you have an emotion, your Inner Mother should ask your Inner Child : What happens, my darling? Listen to what your Inner Child has to say. Than you go on with the dialogue. Inner Mother says : Come here. Come in my arms, I love you as you are. I love you with what you feel.

Doing that, the heaviness of the emotions will drop pretty much. Than you say these words : I understand. These words are very important, because most of the time we don’t feel very normal having the feelings we have and we try to ignore or suppress them, which makes them heavier. I understand, my darling, come here in your Mothers arms, I love you.

Stay with these words and feelings for a while, and than ask : What do you need? Whatever the Child answers, you say : We will ask this of your Father. And here starts the task of your Inner Father, who is there to protect you and to act for you in the outside world. You would never send a four-year old asking for a raise at work or getting to resolve a conflict at school or with the neighbours, would you? So why do you try it?

Send out your Inner Father to take care of whatever you have to do in the outside world. Your Inner Father is your male energy, which enables you to make decisions, to take action, to follow your inner guidance (which is located in you Inner Child, also called Intuition) and to manifest your Child’s desires in the world.

When your Child has a need, for instance to call someone or to go somewhere to arrange something, imagine that your Inner Child stays at home with his Mother who takes care of his feelings (I understand you’re afraid¦) and that your Inner Father (another part of your being) goes out there to act.

Your Inner Father is that part of you which is able to handle stress, to take action, to arrange conflicts and all other stuff that has to do with the outside world. If that part is missing because you didn’t have a good model when you were little yourself, you will have to create and develop it.

Of course your Inner Child, Mother and Father are all parts of you. It is all you. It is just a model to understand what is happening inside you and how you can learn to love yourself.

Loving yourself is listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, understanding what he feels and taking action in the desired direction. Loving yourself is having this dialogue with yourself every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you have an emotion.

Loving yourself is building a strong inner connection with yourself.

It is creating your own loving family, inside you. You will never feel alone anymore. You are already three! Call it your Trinity. Wherever you go, from now on you go with your Inner Family. Your are not alone. You are loved and you are protected. You listen to yourself and take care of that precious little Child that has been waiting for so long to get your attention and love.

This is inner healing.

By Ineke Van Lint

Written by Ineke. My main goal is to make your energy and excitement flowing again and to make you create a life filled with enthusiasm, by passing you my energy, experience and tools so you can find your passion and your reason for living and realize your dreams and yourself. http://www.theenthusiasm.com

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What do mind power masters and quantum physicists have in common? They both know that our observation and perspective frames our reality.

Werner Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle demonstrated that on a subatomic level, the observer, by the choices he made, influenced the outcome of a physics experiment.

For the first time it was recognized that the observer and the act of observing were inseparable from what was observed.

What is “out there,” as incredible as it seems, depends upon our judgments, beliefs, viewpoints and perspectives. We project our reality as much as we experience it.

So if your outer world is merely a reflection of your inner world, does what you think and believe actually create your reality? Indeed, it does!

We know that thoughts are vibrations or energy and that negative thought patterns create a negative outcome, while positive thought patterns create a positive outcome. As the article here states:

Everything in the universe has a unique vibrational energy. Every object, every being, every thought, every action. Your physical body in its healthy state has a specific rate of vibration. When you are sick your vibrational rate changes and you are no longer in balance with your true nature.

Your thoughts vibrate at their own rate. A positive thought makes you feel better than a negative thought. That good feeling is the result of a change in vibrations. You may not feel the changes as vibrations, you simply feel better.

Alternative healers and practitioners of Energy Medicine have long known that negative or limiting beliefs can make us ill, and that changing our interpretation of our experiences can actually change our reality.

There’s a rational reason why complainers and pessimists only attract more misery, and why a positive attitude and optimistic outlook on life can improve a health condition, create prosperity and literally transform your existence. As the site here states so beautifully,

You are a causality of your beliefs and fears. Whatever you believe, you become. Whatever you fear, you manifest. You need to know and practice being true to yourself in order to reach your full potential.

Consciousness is the reality of your universe. You chose your reality from within fundamental truth or misconceptions. Your external being or personality is constructed by your inner life and spiritual standards. Disease and suffering are manifestations of your inner ill being.

In contrast, you possess the ability to invoke healing or elimination of all pain and suffering by your inner well-being. The key is to focus on each limitation one by one, in a focused sequential manner.

In healing my own health condition (lupus), which traditional medicine describes as incurable, I turned to a number of alternative healing methods and tools.

It was Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, that first introduced me to the link between thought patterns and disease. I highly recommend it if you have a health condition that you need to heal.

My friend, Leo Velloz, then introduced me to meditation as a tool to heal my body and mind. You can contact him at Holistic Studio.

I’ve also been learning Reiki and Tai chi and have just started reading Quantum-Touch: The Power to Heal, which is supposed to be even more powerful. All these methods work on the same principle to clear energy channels for the creative flow of life and to restore healthy balance.

A few days ago, I came across a website called the Healing Codes. It’s principles seem to be based on pretty much the same ideas above, but it promotes a powerful healing technique that claims to take just 8 minutes to heal illness. If you’re in the healing profession, you should definitely listen to the free Healing Codes teleseminar here.

Did this post help you? Do write in and let me know.

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There’s a Hole In My Soul
That’s been killing me forever
It’s a place where a garden never grows
There’s a Hole In My Soul
Yeah, I should have known better
‘Cause your love’s like a thorn without a rose
from Hole In My Soul by Aerosmith

One of the reasons I stopped writing about codependence is because I’ve consciously chosen not to focus on it anymore. I know that “what you focus on grows”, and that the most important step to changing any behaviour is self-awareness and self-acceptance.

But I’ve also come to realise that, most people are addicts, in one way or another. And that addiction is not a physical or a psychological disease, but a disconnection from Source energy (God, the Force, a Higher Power) and from our Higher Selves.

When we’re disconnected from our higher selves (the source of love and higher emotions), we look for something outside of ourselves to fill that hole in our soul. This attachment or craving (not desire, as is popularly believed) is also noted in Buddhism as the cause of suffering.

And so we turn to people, relationships, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, meditation, prayer, caffeine, cigarettes, television, music, work, exercise, shopping, gambling, internet usage, pornography and other ways to bliss out, just so that we don’t have to face the fact that we’ve disconnected from our life path and from the purpose that we came here to fulfil.

That’s why all programs for recovery from addiction, like the 12-step program, mandate a reconnection with a Higher Power as essential for recovery.

But, you might say, almost all of the things I’ve listed above (barring TV, internet, pornography and stimulants) are necessary for existence. So how do you know when something becomes an addiction?

The easiest way to know this is to CHECK YOUR INTENTIONS. Be honest with yourself about why you believe you need it. If TV is merely a distraction, if you use food only to nourish your body, if you turn to people and relationships merely to stay connected, you are most likely not addicted to these things.

Another way to test if you’re addicted to something is to GO WITHOUT IT. If you can easily do without it for a while, especially under stressful circumstances, you are most likely not addicted.

But if you compulsively do any of the following - overeat, get drunk, smoke, gamble, take drugs, cling to relationships and people, exercise too much, watch too much p0rn or do anything to bliss out - you may be using it to fill that hole in your soul, to mask your disconnection from the true nature of your being.

If that’s so, then you need to rediscover your life purpose and reconnect with Source, by doing the psychological and spiritual work you need to become whole again. Some of the attitudes that helped me heal are:

• Self-awareness: Becoming an observer of my emotions and reactions
• Self-love: Knowing that I am worthy of love, that it has to come from within me. Learning how to develop high self-esteem and stronger boundaries.
• Self-acceptance: Learning to accept my flaws and forgive myself for my mistakes.
• Detachment: Detaching from a situation so I can respond appropriately.
• Overcoming my fears: Learning to act from Love (Higher Self) rather than Fear (Ego)

Check out these resources on dealing with addiction and connecting to higher self.

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If you’ve ever travelled by airplane (and I’m sure most of you have), you’ll know that there’s a good reason why the stewardess instructs you to first put on your own oxygen mask, before helping the passenger next to you. Its because you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Yet, a lot of us women forget this essential truth, especially when we become mothers and wives. Once we have that little baby in our arms we act like we don’t matter any more, like she’s the only thing that matters. I know, I felt like that when my daughter was born.

As it happened, my late husband and I were also going through a period of financial and emotional stress at that time, so in my desire to contribute to the family finances, I started taking my internet business very seriously, spending many hours a day at the computer, often with my baby sleeping in my lap.

Like most new moms, I hardly slept or ate properly. I let myself go, allowing my own needs to come last. As a result of neglecting myself, my physical and emotional well-being suffered so badly that about four years ago I was diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus, a chronic autoimmune disease in which the immune system becomes hyperactive and attacks normal tissue.

For some reason lupus seems to be more active in women of child-bearing age, after they’ve had a baby. There is usually a genetic predisposition, which is why not all women get it. But I think the reason it manifests is because we tend to neglect our own needs after the baby is born.

My illness was a wake-up call for me. I realised that if I wanted to be around to see my daughter grow up, I better start taking good care of myself. I read humongous volumes of literature on lupus and learned how it can be controlled, even reversed, with diet, exercise, alternative therapies and a healthy lifestyle.

I started taking the best supplements (write to me if you want to know which ones), following a healthy diet, learned meditation and yoga, and became serious about losing weight and getting fit. I also dealt with my own emotional and self-esteem issues and learned to be happy and content, no matter what.

It was really my emotional and spiritual transformation that made the most difference to my health. Because ultimately the tendency to neglect ourselves, put the well-being of others before our own, and stop caring for the way we look and feel is just a manifestation of poor emotional health, false beliefs and low self-esteem.

As a lightworker, I discovered my own healing abilities. I now believe that I chose my illness so I could learn the lesson of self-love and unconditional self-acceptance in this lifetime.

Whether you subscribe to that theory or not, my new beliefs actually empowered me to make the changes I needed to make, and to realign with my life goals and vision. It also inspired me to start Naaree.com - a new portal to help women rediscover and nurture their inner beauty and strength.

Dealing with my emotional issues helped me realise that I had to love myself first, before I could love another. That I had to feel good about myself, before I could treat others with kindness and compassion. And that I had to take care of my own health and well-being, before I could take care of another person.

These realisations gave me the incentive to start working out and eating a healthier diet. I lost 24 pounds, cleared up a skin condition, and can honestly say that I look and feel many years younger than I am today.

Through holistic methods of healing, I put my lupus almost completely into remission. I avoid negative influences (TV, news, gossip, pessimists, complainers) and choose to associate myself only with positive people and influences.

I invested in better clothes, manicures and pedicures, waxes, massages, good makeup and cosmetics. I even took a course in image and grooming, and learned to feel like a million bucks.

I never wait for a man to ask me out. Instead, I take myself out often and treat myself to dinner and a movie. I no longer feel guilty about letting my retired parents take over most of my childcare duties because I’d rather spend quality time with my daughter than be preoccupied with work when she’s around.

I no longer think it selfish to take time out for myself, doing things that nurture my spirit. I know now that these are not luxuries, but essentials. And that by doing them, I’m enhancing my ability to give of myself to others.

I realised that simply becoming aware of my issues was not enough. Positive action is essential on the road to recovery. Because every time you take action, even make a tiny effort to nurture yourself, you are telling your subconscious mind that you are worth the effort. And that, in turn, will enhance your self-esteem.

It took a life-threatening condition to make me see the light. To realise that I’m worth taking care of, that I deserve to love and care for myself. Don’t let that happen to you. Especially if you’re a new mother. If nothing else, at least do it for your child’s sake.

And if you’re in a new relationship, or looking to get into a relationship, here’s one last reason why you need to start believing that you’re an amazing, gorgeous creature, and that you’re so totally worth the time, effort (and money, if necessary) it takes to look and feel your best.

The reason is that it will help you attract and keep a great guy. One with high self-esteem, who treats you like the goddess you are. Remember that men are visual creatures. And even if you’ve been married for decades, making the effort to look good for your man will send him the message that you think he’s worth looking good for - and that’ll improve your marriage too.

Please don’t say that you’re too busy and have no time. Those are just excuses. We always make time for the things we truly believe in and really want to do. So all you have to do is start believing that you NEED to do these things for yourself.

Because, to paraphrase the (cliched, but true) advertising slogan, “Baby, you’re SO worth it!”

Recommended Reading:

Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
I’ve recommended this powerful book by Margaret Paul many times. It greatly helped me heal my emotional and self-esteem issues and helped me make choices that nurture and heal me.

Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You
This tiny, yet powerful book by Daphne Rose Kingma will help you get in touch with your own needs and reasons for loving and nurturing yourself.

The Girl’s Guide to Loving Yourself: A Book About Falling in Love With the One Person Who Matters Most..You
Am planning to order this book soon, since it talks about a lot of the stuff I discussed in this post. According to the review, the book “offers that extra boost of self-esteem you need to walk into a crowded room feeling confident, and to stand in front of a bedroom mirror feeling satisfied. It is the perfect mixture of wisdom, guidance, inspiration, and laughter you need to fall head over heels in love with the one person who matters most… you.” Cute!

Loving Yourself More: 101 Meditations for Women
I have my own set of spiritual practices and meditations to help me affirm my worth, but if you’re looking for some advice on this, you might find it here.

The Lightworker’s Way: Awakening Your Spiritual Power to Know and Heal
I am currently reading and enjoying this book by Doreen Virtue so much that I find it hard to put down. A wonderful account a lightworker’s journey to discovering her powers to heal herself and others. If you’re into spirituality or healing, it’s definitely worth reading.

The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing
Beautiful book by Deepak Chopra shows you how to experience unconditional love for yourself and others.

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